Good Morning Everybody!
A friend of mine asked me the other day: “How would you react if your husband would do something socially embarrassing or unacceptable? What do you think?”
My answer is this.
If I thought that my husband was embarrassing I would go home, take a piece of paper out and coach myself because I know that ’embarrassing’ exists only in my head. I would come out of that with curiosity and compassion. ( yes, in a perfect world i would do that all the time, but truthfully 9/10 times i am successful at it and can do that even in my head, not that my husband is ever embarrasing, but with other things).
Embarrassing is debatable. How do you measure it so we can all agree? What exactly does it look like?
What i would consider embarrassing, someone else wouldn’t.
It is an opinion.
In reality what probably happened was that my husband said some ‘words’.
It was then up to me to interpret the words in a way that serves me or in a way that DOESN’T serve me.
Sure, i can probably find 10 people who would agree with me and i would feel justified in feeling this way.
I would have solid evidence that it is in fact embarrassing, etc.
BUT what really matters here is ‘DOES IT REALLY SERVE ME ?”
What’s the upside of thinking that it was embarrassing??
EVEN if it’s true??
Let’s say you go down that road, and Have a ‘conversation’ with him about it.
Point out how he shouldn’t have said those things? And then what?
How would he feel after that conversation? Embarrassed is my guess.
Would he be super delighted that i’m brining it up?
Would he say “thank you dear, that is such a good point, I will not say that again”.
Probably the opposite of that, you would probably have a huge fight and not come to a resolution.
Here is what i would do.
I would tell myself a story that serves me and our relationship.
Curiosity is always my pick in similar circumstances.
“I wonder why he said that..” and i would ask him that but from a place of true curiosity and i would listen.
That’s it. I would understand and move on.
Disagreeing, convincing, being right… that will all create disconnect.
So why choose it???
There is no such thing as ’embarrassing’ if you look at facts.
Embarrassing is an opinion, just another story you tell yourself!
If you can really see that then it will set you free.
Have a great weekend everybody!!!
P.S. I am super pumped this morning as my brother just told me he was able to get most of the week off for our get together at the cottage in Ontario! So excited ! I have the best brother ever!