Kids vs Thoughts about Kids

One day this summer we were hanging out outside in the heat, kids playing, Doug and I talking.
Doug says: “that kid just loooves the heat!” – referring to our eldest.

I could not disagree more, I turned to him in shock and made sure we were talking about the same kid.  We were.

In my mind Tyler likes to be cool, him and I usually talk about how hot it is and how we prefer to be cool instead.

How can that be?  The same kid – two totally opposite opinions about him.

Wasn’t my husband just stating the TRUTH?

When we say ‘Tyler loves the heat’ – it feels to us like we are simply conveying the facts.  It’s true you would say.  He does love the heat. It’s not just my opinion, its’ the truth.

If it was absolutely, 100 percent true then wouldn’t everyone agree on it?

If thoughts aren’t the TRUTH – they are optional.

And so the thought – “Tyler loves the heat” is only that – a thought.

It’s not the absolute truth.  It is a sentence in your mind.

That is the only way it is possible for my husband and I to have two completely different thoughts about the exact same child.
Isn’t it crazy! The person in discussion doesn’t change.  The child stays the same the whole time.
What’s different is what we THINK in our heads about that child.    

So when we realize that the thoughts about our child are not the same as who the child is, it’s just a story we tell ourselves about them – then we can consciously choose the STORY that serves us!


Recently I’ve had amazing success with my middle child, changing my story about him and I.  I don’t always remember this trick but I do use this as a tool whenever I feel stuck or feel my relationships wilting.

I ask myself:

What am I thinking about this boy?

Is what I’m thinking absolutely true?

Why am I choosing to think that way about him?

Does it serve me?

Your thoughts about your kids are sentences in your head.  That’s it.

They are always optional.

It’s way easier to change your sentence than to try to change the kid. It actually never works.

Are you happy with what you are thinking about your kids?
If not, you can always change your sentence!

Natalia S.

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