Years ago i read an article by Rachel Balducci on the topic of marriage.
Essentially she said the key to a happy marriage is asking yourself this one question every day :
“What can i do for my husband today?”
At first i completely disagreed with her. Back then i was still figuring out how to take care of my needs and what those needs are. So my first reaction to this was – no way, you have to take care of you, and by doing that you’ll take care of him.
Since then i have filled in some gaps. I now know so much more about my own needs and how i can fulfil them. This makes it so much easier to ask the question about my husband.
I got me – now i can be there for him.
The questions is great on any day. But it’s best on the worst kind of days.
It saved me so many times from little and big fights.
What can i do for him now – when i think that i automatically accept the reality – ‘of course he’s tired’, ‘of course, he’s grumpy’. I don’t argue with it.
I say – yep, he’s grumpy.
What can i do for him now?
Of course, you say, that’s what a loving spouse should always do.
And i agree.
But can you still do that when you, yourself are tired or are yelling at the kids.
Can you, in the midst of your own chaos, notice your husbands tired eyes and switch your brain to think about him and how you can serve him at that moment, instead of getting mad at him for not thinking of you.
That is the best part ever.
If you can master that – be there for him when you are at your lowest – then you are solid.
Instead of “why is he grumpy again, i’ve had a bad day and i wish he would ask me how i’m doing… he should be in a good mood and taking care of me!” – where does that lead us?
Resentment, fighting, withdrawal. – No, thanks. I say.
We’ve just celebrated 8 years of being married with a fancy dinner and a laugh at the comedy club.
Is it easy to stay married?
No, it’s hard at times.
And other times it totally pays off – all the work we’ve put in over the years. But hard is good, the more we put in the more we feel the results. So cheers to all you hard working couples out there!
Try on that question and see the energy shift in your favour!