Why ‘taking a break’ doesn’t really work.

Have you taken a break and still feel shitty?

Did your husband give you a break from the kids and you are still angry and overwhelmed?I used to take all sorts of breaks and i’d feel good after for a little bit but very soon i would be back where i started.

 Listen to this episode if that is you.

Find out the wrong way to take a break and the right way.

If you want to take a break from feeing guilty and worried come get coached and change this pattern for the rest of your life. sign up for your free session HERE: https://coachingnatalia.com/schedule-an-appointment/


Welcome to my stop fighting with your son podcast. If this is your first time here, I recorded four episodes, especially for you to help you eliminate the fights right away and start connecting with your boy. As, as possible, go to episodes 54 through 59. I have four boys on my own, and I know better than anyone, how much you want to have a good relationship with your boy and all the things that can come in your way. If you are a mom of boys, I am the coach for you. Let’s go, Hey guys, how, how are you doing? How was your week? Uh, we were away for a week and actually didn’t record for two weeks. So I kind of feel like I kind of missed you. How are you? I hope you had a good week. Hope your kids are good. Your big kids, your little kids.

We had an awesome week. We had a birthday, two birthdays. My parents came to visit. We did, we went on a little, me vacation to a water park. The kids just loved it. And we enjoyed seeing them love it. And we were just full of full of memories, the kids that were off for a week. So I am getting back into, to work today. And I want to talk to you today about taking a break, especially if you have little kids, even if you have even, even this even applies to anyone without kids. So listen on. Okay. Because a lot of us say, oh, I need a break. Or I took a break and I felt better for a while. And then I don’t feel so good anymore. Right. So I need to take another break. So I want to tell you that at there’s the wrong way to take a break and the right way to take a break.

And here’s what I mean by that with kids, for example, right? When we say I need a break from the kids and we take a break like before my husband used to say, oh, go have a bath and I’d go have a bath. And I would just feel so good. I’d read a book or he’d make me a tea and I’d feel good. And then I go back downstairs and I’m back right back where I started. And for the longest time, for many years, I thought, well, how this whole break take a break thing. Doesn’t even work because now I even have more pressure on me to be and to, to be nice and to feel better after my break. But the truth is I don’t even feel any better. The break taking a break doesn’t work unless you’re still on a break. And here’s why it doesn’t work because the bath doesn’t make me feel, make me feel better because my thoughts don’t change.

So if my thoughts about my kids are, oh my God, this, this is hard. I can’t stand this. I can’t handle it. They’re annoying. Um, this is too much. I’m tired. I need a break. And if I go have a bath and I come back and my thoughts are still the same then of course I’m not going to feel any different. That’s what happened with me. I would feel even worse because my thoughts are were now, oh, I’m still not happy. I had a bath, but I can’t. I’m not like the break didn’t work. Now. I need to act happy. Be nice, but I still don’t feel good. Right? So that’s the wrong way of taking a break. What we really need a break from is how we’re feeling and how we’re thinking. Okay. So what I needed a break from, I needed a break from those thoughts.

I, my kids are hard. I can’t do this. This is too much. I need a break. I needed a break from those thoughts. I needed a break from the feelings that those thoughts created because I felt overwhelmed. I felt dread. I felt tired. I felt resentment. I felt all this bouquet of terrible emotions. I needed a break from that. Sure. Having a bath takes gives you a little relief from that. When you’re in the bath, your thoughts change. Oh, this is nice. I like the quiet. I love the tea. I love the bath. Right? You change your feelings. You’re in the bath. But what happens if, when you go back downstairs to the kids, you’re, you’re back to your original thoughts about the kids, right? Or if you have, if, if you feel a little bit better for a while, you’re like, oh, I just had a nice break.

I love you. Right. They might last a little bit longer, but then it fades away because you’re going right back to your thoughts, original thoughts that you had before your bath. Right. And that’s why the breaks work or don’t work. Yeah. That’s why the breaks sometimes, uh, you actually have a break and you feel better. You, you feel recharged. But what I really suggest that you do is that you take a look at your thoughts and feelings. And as long as you are keeping the same thoughts and the same feelings, you’re gonna need a lot of breaks from them. And it’s not gonna really work. And until you change the thoughts and the feelings, like when we step away from the kids, we think the kids are causing us feelings. And then so we think, okay, I need a break from the kids. And that works as long as you’re away from the kid, because you’re not thinking the thoughts.

Right. But once you’re back with the kids, then you are back with the same thoughts. And so you feel again, the same things, same terrible feelings. And so I asked, I had a conversation with a client recently where she had a really bad day with the kids and was yelling at them and just really didn’t want to be with them was really angry. And I asked her, what are your thoughts about you? What are your thoughts about your life in general? What are your thoughts about you in your career? And before I asked the question, I knew what the answer would be is that she doesn’t feel good about herself in general. So when that is the case, then put the kids in the mix in your background, music is that you don’t feel good about you. You think you made the wrong choice. You think you’re doing not well at work.

Then of course, you’re going to want to break from the kids and, and you want, and you’re going to want to break from all those thoughts. It’s, you’re not yelling at your kids because you are a terrible mom. You’re yelling at your kids because you feel terrible and you need a break from that feeling, right? When you feel like you’re disappointed in yourself, when you feel like you’re sad about your life, that’s where you need a break from. And here’s how we do that. Before we can take a break from those feelings, we need to first find out what they are. And by the way to do that is to get coached, to talk to a coach who can show you, oh, the reason why you’re feeling this is BEC us. You believe this, and now we know where to start. Oh, okay. I feel sad because I, um, I’m not doing like, whatever.

I’m not doing enough. Now we know what thought to work with. Okay. Now we know which direction to go in. Okay. How do I believe I am doing enough? What does enough mean? How can I, when I’m believing I’m not doing enough, am I seeing the evidence of everything that I’m doing right? And so on. So I really do invite you, please do gum, get coach. So you don’t have to suffer anymore. So can look at all your thoughts and then you can understand, oh, of course I feel this way. And I yell at my kids because I’m sad about my life. And then you can actually have the power to change that you can start choosing something different to believe about yourself. But until you do that, until you look at your thought, you, uh, don’t know what’s causing that feeling. You just believe that the world is causing you to feel a certain way that the kids are making you feel a certain way.

No, it’s your thoughts. And you have full control. This is the best news I have for you is that you have full control over your thoughts and over your feelings. So even if you don’t have any kids and you feel like you need a break, what you really need a break from is how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking. And as you practice taking breaks from certain things, you will get better at it. It’s going to become second nature. Like now in my life, after I’ve done it for a few years, if I feel worried, I notice, oh, I’m feeling worried. And then I know, all right, I just need a break from feeling worried. And I, I switch into, oh, I trust that this will go, okay. Oh, I trust that. He knows what he’s doing. And I just do this in my head and I totally fix it on the go.

Right? Of course not all the time, but it becomes such a skilled habit that I want that for you. It’s so useful because you can then come in charge of how you’re feeling all most of the time. And, uh, coaching is a big part of that process. I get coached every week, several times a week. Uh, and I fine tune how I’m feeling depending on what it is that I need. So come get coached. This will change your life. Um, what else can I invite you? Oh, so you can just go to my website, uh, www dot coaching, natalia.com go to sign up for a free mini session and just find the time that works for you. I’d love to help you with that. Take a break from anything you want. You can take a break from feeling guilty. In fact, you can take a break from feeling guilty for the rest of your life.

Mom, guilt, mom, worry. You can just do it. Um, after in a coaching session, you can walk away and never feel guilty. Again, you will have the tool of how to, what to do with it on your own, which is I love the best when I coach clients. When I teach them, is that they can do this on their own afterwards. It’s not something that they will need to come back to me for every single time. Those things that we talk about, change the way your brain works and it changes how your life works. And I don’t even need to be there for you to that change. All right. Okay guys, I love you all have a great week. And remember taking a break is not taking a break from something outside of you. It’s taking a break from how you’re thinking and what you’re feeling, and you don’t even, you can even take a break from the even while we’re you’re with the kids, because all you have to do is just change your thinking from it’s hard to, I can do this, right. Notice how differently that feels. Okay, guys, have a great week. I’ll talk to you next week. Bye.

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