Tag momof4

Feeling good intolerance

Here’s a thought i heard today you might like: “I’m learning to trust the good in my life”.

You know when you go to check on your kids when they are sleeping and they look so amazing and beautiful that it becomes too much for you to handle,  you get scared that something will happen to them?

Your feeling of love turns into fear and loosing this fortune. 

I call this being uncomfortable with feeling good. Really. 

We are intolerant to feeling good. 

We can’t take too much of it, at some point we get very uncomfortable with feeling THAT good. 

To avoid that discomfort we have thoughts like ‘it’s irresponsible to not worry, i don’t want to brag, this is white people problems; adding complaining at the end to make us seem more normal’.

Those are the ways we bring ourselves back where it’s more comfortable: some good and some problems.

I’m definitely a believer that we can grow our capacity to have and feel good in our life. 

Practice feeling good without guilt, excuses, fear or shame. (and i do that with that sentence : “i’m learning ot trust the good in my life” and i lean in and feel the love without being afraid. just adding a second here and there)

It’s not a mystery, it’s intentional brain management. 

Natalia

P.S.

My job is just like the job of a fridge technician.  He comes in and adjusts the way the fridge works SO that the food doesn’t rot. We need the food to stay cold so that we can be healthy and have a great life. 
I come in and adjust the way your brain works SO that your THOUGHTS (food) don’t get rotten and make you sick.  IF we let the fridge do it’s thing without setting the thermostat and maintaining it, keeping the door closed our food will get rotten and we will get sick.

The exact same thing happens with our brain.  If we keep the door open and LET every opinion into brain well we will feel sick- sad, unsure, ashamed.
If we don’t set the temperature- which is what thoughts are acceptable to achieve the life we want – if we don’t set that then again we will get sick.

Food fuels our body. Thoughts fuel our mind, which creates our life.  Keep your food cold and manage your thoughts.  – your friendly neighbourhood life coach:) 

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Unsupervised Questions

We all do this.
“Is this the right thing to do?”
”What if I’m wrong?”
”What if they are right?”
”What if it’s not worth it?”
The list goes on and on.

Ask a better question and the quality of answers will change. “If there is no right decision which one sounds more fun?”
“If we are both right, what do I want to do?”
”Why do I want to do this?”
What do you guys think about this subtle yet powerful shift?

Natalia

P.S. This is what one of my client said after working with me:
“Once I got control of my life back I felt awesome, free, lighter. It got me back to my confidence definitely, it got me back to who I really am.” So the question is not “can that be you” because it absolutely can but a better question is what do you want out of your life? What do you want to feel on the other side? It is possible for you now.

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One person who doesn’t take your excuses

“I don’t know”

“It’s so confusing” 

“There are so many options”

I want to suggest you do know!

You know exactly what you want and what you don’t want.

You just don’t want to take action on it because you are afraid.

You are either afraid of what will happen if you take action or it will be worse if you don’t change anything. 

So if you are going through that with people pleasing or saying yes to things you actually don’t want to be doing then the best you can do for yourself is tell yourself the truth: “I do know what I want, I am just not willing to get it for myself.” 

Doesn’t that feel a lot better than feeling victimy and helpless that comes from ‘i don’t know what to do’.  

Don’t take that crap from your brain.  You do know. 

Natalia

P.S. Having a coach is having that one person in your life who won’t take any of your excuses.  If you are ready for some hard coaching then I am here to do that for you, simply email me back. 

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What is his job?

I’m going to bed. It’s just my husband and I in our first house before we had kids and we just finished watching one of the shows we love. My husband says “I’ll be right up.”
.
I know what this “right up”means. It means he’s going to stay up for another hour and I will have to go to sleep on my own. This is not what I pictured a marriage to look like. We are supposed to go upstairs together, brush our teeth together, read books in bed together and then snuggle up and go to sleep together. Isn’t this what every marriage should look like?
Many years pass when I’m learning about relationships and how our spouses job is only to be there so we can love them.
My whole world changes in that moment.

What? His job is not to make me happy by going to bed at the same time as me?
.
I can just let him be him and I can take care of me? .
In fact the only way I can ever be happy is by thinking thoughts that create that for me ? .
He can’t do that for me?
Why hasn’t anyone told me that before ?
I would’ve loved to know that when we got married!
Would’ve saved me years of feeling lonely and fighting !
His only job is to be there so I can love him.
.
I sincerely love it when he comes to bed now later than I am. I am reminded that I have a husband and I am happy he is here. That’s all I need. Our relationship is not all perfect but that part is.
P.S. Are you thinking “but, but, but… then I won’t need anyone if that’s the case … how does that work?” It works beautifully. Imagine not needing anything from your husband and being happy to see him, how would that feel ??? Let me help you get there sooner and cheaper !

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People Pleasers are Liars!

My coach Brook Castillo says People Pleasers Are Liars.
Here’s how she explains it.

Whenever you say yes to doing something or pretend to be someone who you think “they” want you to be even thought you really don’t want to do that thing and you are not that person at all – you are lying.
You are saying “yes, I will volunteer for that lunch” even though you really don’t want to, and you say yes in hopes they will like you and approve of you.
When you say yes and you don’t mean it what happens is they may like you for it but they are actually liking the “fake” version of you that is not you at all.
The real you wants to say no!
You lie to them and at the same time you tell yourself: “ I prefer they like a pretend version of me than me liking me for who I am.” Here’s the message you send to yourself “What I think is not important, so NO to you for wanting to stay home and YES to them and their lunch.

I want their approval and I don’t want my own approval.” You neglect your wishes and opinions and you make “theirs” so much more important than they should ever be.
So next time you do something you really don’t want to do notice that you are lying about what you really want to do. Why are you lying ?
If they won’t like you for how you really feel then why would you want their approval ?

When we chase approval from others and not ourselves we are always left wanting, we are left lying about who we truly are, and the worst part is we lose all the trust in our own ability to take care of ourselves.
We know we will always sell ourselves out for the next hit of approval from a person we don’t even really know.
Are you willing to be honest and allow people to be upset with you, to not like you and to disapprove what you are doing and to gain your own approval, and trust yourself again ?
Here’s what’s true for me, it’s not only freeing to be me and tell people the truth but also it’s super fun to go against the grain. Pst , don’t tell anyone but I really do love the thrill!
If you would like to have some fun with this as well DM me and we can have a coffee and a chat!

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I’m a good/bad mom

According to my 3 year old you can be a good mama and a bad mama.
What a relief! Did you know about this? 😉

My 3 year old: “Mama, you’re a good mama.”

Me: “Really? Even after I yelled at your brother “
Him: “Yes, you was a bad mama when you yelled and now you are a good mama”


•love this picture from our summer, isn’t it the best when they nap on on your lap! ❤️❤️❤️

 

N

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You can’t change your worthiness

My kid came home from school yesterday and said “ mama, did you know there’s nothing special ?”
I said what do you mean ? He said “the only thing that’s special is us”
I asked him how does he know that. He said his teacher told him that at the fire drill. If you want to save something special then you just save yourself she said.
He was so pleased with himself and 200% certain In these facts, like 1+1=2.
He didn’t have any doubts or he wasn’t even amazed, he was just certain that that’s how the world is.
Kids sure do know how special they are.
Those same kids grow up and forget that and start to look for somebody to do or say something to them so they can feel okay about themselves.
I coach my clients on this all the time.
And those are not direct request to be acknowledged as special.
These specific little examples of how sneaky this can be.
“If only so and so asked for their advice then they would know they are important.”
“If I’m doing as much or more than others the I am doing enough.”
“If my vacations are just as nice and often as others then I am doing it right.”

“If only I had a tight group of friends than I would not be missing out.” .
I have to remind my clients again and again that things and results and people out there can never ever create the feeling of satisfaction for them.

The only way to feel worthy, satisfied, good enough is by deciding that you already ARE.
Your thoughts about you will create that feeling for you.
That’s it.
And guess what, you have my full permission to think all of them before any of that stuff happens, regardless of what happens.
So, if you ARE special regardless of what you do or don’t do – now what ?
What struggles can you let go of ?

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But it’s true!

A lot of my clients say “but it’s true!”.
So what ?
Does that mean you need to think that in your head over and over again ?
What is the upside of thinking something that is true that is also creating frustration and resentment?
None that I can see.
What does serve me here ?
The best way I like to do this is to keep noticing the difference in how I feel when I focus on the “truth” or how I feel when I see the other side of things. .
I don’t try to jump to the happy place ( I do, it just doesn’t work until I really sit with the other yucky feeling), I notice how shitty I feel when I stick to what’s “true” ( and I’m putting it in quotation marks because what we usually think is true is just our observation).

I notice that it’s my thoughts about it is what’s making me feel shitty, and not the actual thing.
The more I do it the sooner it lifts and I am free from any sort of “justice needs to be done”. Does it serve you to think that thing you are thinking?
The way you know is by how you feel.
Happy Tuesday everyone !

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This is just a thought.

“This is just a thought.”

Today at the school pick up I saw my friend, gave her a hug and she asked me how I am. “Shitty” I said and laughed.
I was so delighted by my own happiness about feeling shitty that I surprised myself.
How can I feel shitty and happy at the same time?
So simple.
I felt bad all day, but I kept on saying to myself ‘this is just a thought’ to whatever my mind was telling me.
Whether it was ‘everything sucks’, ‘I’m so tired’, ‘I’m a bad coach’, ‘what if I’m doing it wrong’ – my answer to all those was ‘this is just a thought, you don’t have to believe it’.
I did not go down the rabbit hole and believe these “truths”.
What a relief. Life is supposed to be 50% great and 50% shitty and so I wasn’t fighting the bad part.
I just allowed it to be there and recognized what was creating it for me.
Can you imagine yourself a bad day that actually kinda feels good?
That doesn’t add up, does it?
But there is some peace to it.  I felt bad because I was thinking thoughts that made me feel bad. That’s it. Not the end of the world.
What thoughts are you believing but wish you wouldn’t? comment below!
N

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I say this a lot.

I’m sorry, you are right 

I say this a lot.

 I used to have a really hard time apologizing.  

I used to fight, avoid and blame.  

My fights would drag out into hours and sometimes days. 

I didn’t know how to do it better.

My mentor Brooke Castillo taught me to always agree with whatever I’m being accused of. 

And not in a fake way, not in a way to just diffuse the fight but still keep believing I’m right.

In a way where I can truly find the truth in what the other person is saying. 

Even if it’s 1% true.  

I agree with them. 

“You are right, I wasn’t thinking of you at all. I’m sorry.”

“It’s true, I did do that thing. I’m sorry.”

I don’t go into explaining what my true intentions were, I don’t justify it to them, I don’t make excuses.  

Not of that serves me. 

By making excuses I create more distance between me and that person. 

I own everything that I’m accused of and if I can’t see get there in that moment then I take my time TO see it, to find the ounce of truth in it.  

Sometimes it takes me a minute or a day.  

It is always worth it.  

It gives me so much peace to AGREE with them.

And when I sincerely apologize for whatever I’ve done I create connection and make my relationship stronger with that person. 

I have saved so much time by not fighting and dwelling in who’s right and who’s wrong.  

Just by finding the truth in what they say I have created so much trust and growth and connection with people in my life. 

And peace!

Try it my friends. 

There is no upside defending your position. 

Own your shit and notice how much time you save and how connected you feel to the people in your life ! 

 

N

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