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I’m having an identity crisis

Last night my second son asked me what I did that day (even though he was here with me the whole day lol)

I listed all the things. He said ‘what else?’

I thought.

I said ‘I cooked dinner…, hm, I cooked lunch… and HOLLY SMOKES I cooked breakfast TOO !! WHAT THE HECK!!!!”

I literally said those things out-loud and could NOT believe what I was saying with my own mouth. 

(notice how i said that I believed instead of I am  – huge difference between the two! obviously because what I thought was completely different from what I was doing) 

 I am a person who doesn’t cook so how is it possible that I cooked 3 meals that day for my whole family ???!!! (6 people – no big deal!!!)

TO be honest I was a bit furious with my own brain for doing that! 

HOW dare you keep on believing something about me that is NOT EVEN TRUE!!!

I DO EFFING COOK! —- POOF – that old story GONE. 

And yes I type in caps because that is how outraged I was at my own brain!  Also I was a bit delighted about this new discovery about myself and entertained, because it is funny I could believe that AND cook 3 meals that day !!! So good! 

If my son never asked me that question I would have kept on believing that I’m a person who DOESN’T COOK! RIDICULOUS! 

So yes i’m having an identity crisis in the kitchen and in the rest of my life as well because i’m growing into a person who is a successful business person, who makes a lot of money and TALKS NICE TO HERSELF.

SO just like I dropped my story about me not cooking, I am realizing I have to drop my story now that ‘I don’t talk nice to myself’.

Because the me who talks nice to herself  – NEVER thinks that. 

That person thinks ‘I always talk nice to myself, that’s just what I do.’

It is true that for you to become who you want to become you have to have an identity crisis and give up all of your current stories about yourself. 

What you think are facts about you are not at all facts or even true – they are simply thoughts you have practiced believing and then created a bunch of evidence to support them.  That’s it. 

Create NEW, BETTER STORIES about yourself and then practice those. 

Love you guys!

P.S. This is a great example of what happens in coaching – I ask you a question and you tell me what you do and you tell me what you believe and if the two don’t match up I show that to you.  YOU SEE IT. YOU see that you cooked 3 meals and you ALSO believe that you DON’T COOK – you brain is never the same after that.  You walk away a different, better version of yourself.  You drop the belief that is a LIE. Right there, without any convincing or trying to be ‘positive’ about it! JUST SEEING it does the job of no longer believing it.
I help you change your brain and the rest takes care of itself!!!

P.S.S. After working with me my mom was able to change her story of “I never finish anything” to “I follow through on what I have decided” and it didn’t happen overnight, she practiced it every day and created a bunch of evidence to support that new belief.  And it all started with her getting coached and seeing her thoughts and actions. 
I can help you with that as well! One on one coaching, just reply to this email now.

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Confidence is knowing you will talk nice to yourself, always

Make a deal with yourself that no matter what is going on externally or internally you will talk nice to yourself through it and after it. Then do exactly that. Have your own back.

That starts now with exactly what your life looks like already, no matter how far it is from what you want it to be- don’t use it against yourself. .
Be on your side about everything.

I snapped at the twins this morning while trying to do work, and I came right back and apologized, I didn’t beat myself up for it. I said sorry and moved on.

I ate tacos with tortillas yesterday even thought I don’t really like eating bread things (IG makes me feel bloated), but I did and I moved on. I made it mean that yes I had a taco, but it doesn’t mean anything about me or my future. That is how I’m having my back every single situation in life.

And I fuck up a lot, that’s why I’m practicing this.

But what I know for sure it feels so much better to be nice to myself no matter what. And safer.

#safe #talknice #haveyourback #confidence

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One person who doesn’t take your excuses

“I don’t know”

“It’s so confusing” 

“There are so many options”

I want to suggest you do know!

You know exactly what you want and what you don’t want.

You just don’t want to take action on it because you are afraid.

You are either afraid of what will happen if you take action or it will be worse if you don’t change anything. 

So if you are going through that with people pleasing or saying yes to things you actually don’t want to be doing then the best you can do for yourself is tell yourself the truth: “I do know what I want, I am just not willing to get it for myself.” 

Doesn’t that feel a lot better than feeling victimy and helpless that comes from ‘i don’t know what to do’.  

Don’t take that crap from your brain.  You do know. 


P.S. Having a coach is having that one person in your life who won’t take any of your excuses.  If you are ready for some hard coaching then I am here to do that for you, simply email me back. 

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Here’s a fun thing to try on this weekend.

Whenever you catch yourself sharing or complaining or straight out stating a problem – add. “AND IT’S OKAY” at the end.
Just try it on for fun.
I am tired. And it’s okay.
It’s been such a long week. And it’s okay.
I’m single parenting this weekend. And it’s okay.
They are fighting again. And it’s okay.
They don’t like me. And it’s okay.
I’m not suggesting you actually be okay with all those things.
You can keep being not okay with them.
I just want to show you that you do have an option of making that subtle change of feeling for yourself without actually changing your life.
I know for sure that when you need it and use it will give us a sigh of relief.
This is the truth of my life right now AND IT’S OKAY. 
Have a wonderful weekend!
Love you all!
And yes I am single parenting this weekend, and it’s okay!!!

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Failure is just a feeling

I said I will do something and I didn’t. That’s the math of the situation. .
The drama of the situation is I feel like a failure. .
Separate the math and the drama. Math is always simple and neutral. Drama is always charged and dramatic lol:) .
The morning fight with your kid: Math : he said words and I said words.
Drama: I’m a terrible mom. .
Drama is drama. Let it be dramatic but don’t let it fool you by believing that it’s true.
You are a good mom and you know it. At least 78% of the time. .

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Let what’s true be true

“If we beat ourselves up for our truth it’s like an assault.
Just let what’s true be true.”

-Brooke Castillo

So often I notice myself getting frustrated with myself because of what’s true for me.

I see the same with my clients and friends.

It feel terrible and keeps us stuck in the loop where we can’t change anything. .
So how can you break out of that cycle?

Start with where you are by asking yourself – what is true for me now?
And can I just let that be true for the next hour, for the next day, for the next week, without trying to change it.
Give yourself a pause, a break from feeling bad about it. .
You can always come back to beating yourself up over it. That’ll always be there for you.

P.S. Are you afraid that if you finally stop being frustrated with what you are doing then you will never improve? Let me show you how the exact opposite is true, simply dm message me and we can set up a time to talk!

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I had a total tantrum yesterday, in my head, and then later at my husband, about the same thing.

I was so frustrated with finding and figuring out a template for my ebook!
I expected it to be easy, fast and fun!
How wrong was I!!!
It was harder for me than writing a book!!!!
I was wrong.
This wasn’t supposed to be easy or fun or fast.
I’ve never done it before and I had to spend time figuring it out.
I was wrong.
It felt so, so bad.
After all I wrote a book and I deserve to be happy and everything work smoothly because I am so amazing.
How wrong was I.
Even grown ups have tantrums and are completely wrong.
Entitlement creates suffering.
I was entitled to an easy process and I screwed myself over with it.
Next time you freak out, you can ask yourself what are you feeling entitled to? Why?
When you don’t get what you want but you think you deserve it, do you lose your shit in your head and may be act it out too? Just like a 3 year old?
It’s totally okay:)
See it for what it is.
We are allowed.
Noticing my own thinking saved me DAYS or may be even weeks of dwelling on this and complaining and not working on it.
I noticed it, acknowledged it and moved on.
Hope this helps you recognize where this shows up in your life! Have a great day!
P.S. Thinking this doesn’t apply to you? It may not be as obvious as a 3 year old tantrum, it may look like this “I don’t have time for this!” Or “he should’ve known” or “nobody appreciates what I do” , these are all tantrums in our heads, feeling entitled to time, understanding and appreciation. And I agree that those would be lovely but when we don’t get them, being upset about it doesn’t help!  I can help you create time, understanding and appreciation for yourself, regardless of what others do! If you are even a little bit curious you must come talk to me! It will change your life!!!

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I love all humans.

“I love all humans.” My coach says that sometimes.

That is why I think she is so successful.
I notice it when I judge people.
I notice how it’s preventing me from connecting with them and helping them.
I notice it when I am able to connect and love all of the human experience I am able to help on such a deeper level.
Good news is that human experience include judgment!
So there you go, even when we judge we are still lovable:)
Happy Wednesday everyone!
Love you all!
P.S. Did you know I can help you love your judgmental side? yep. Email me back and we can chat!

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Showing up!

Here’s what I see.

The clients that show up for themselves get results.
The clients that don’t show up for themselves don’t get results.
The clients that don’t show up for themselves also struggle to show up for others.
This creates a cycle of overwhelm and more of not showing up for anyone.
I definitely see this in my life when I neglect myself and when I hold myself through it all.
How hard are you willing to work to feel like you can handle anything life brings your way?
What is ‘showing up’?
For me it’s writing down my thoughts every day for at least 5 mins.
For some it’s meditating.
For some it’s taking a walk by themselves.
But for so many there is nothing that they do just for themselves and so they come to me saying they put everyone else first and tears swell up in their eyes.    There is NO ONE there for them. Not even themselves. They only have me showing up for them, but that’s still not the same as them doing it for themselves.
So if you could pick one thing today what would it be?
Make it extremely easy for yourself to do each day?
2 mins of journaling? 10 min walk? 5 min meditation?
Commit to do the minimum each day and don’t give yourself an ‘I’ll try’.
“I’ll try” is a great out. Fail before even trying.
“I am committed to do this for myself. Period.”
Have a lovely Tuesday guys!!!
P.S.  This is one of the best parts of working with me: setting yourself up so you don’t need me or anyone else to take care of yourself.  It is the best gift you can give yourself and I love being part of it!!! Email me back if you want help figuring out what ‘showing up’ looks like for you!

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Drops in the ocean

My mom told me long time ago when I was a kid that

 “all the people in our lives are like drops from the ocean, and those drops are little mirrors that show our reflections back to us”.

I can see now how that has served me in my relationships.
Whenever I would have a fight or disagreement with anyone in my life I would always walk away thinking ‘where am I wrong here, what is the lesson here for me?’
So often I see people walking away justified, ‘right’, convinced that it is not ‘them’, it’s the other guy.
Being right feels good.
But that’s about it.
They stay a victim of their story and continue to blame the other guy for their misfortunes.
This creates only more of the same.
There is no growth.
There is same judgments, feelings, and actions.
Same lives.
I am not interested in creating more of the same when it comes to victimhood, are you?
Look at all the people in your life and see yourself in them.
Have a beautiful weekend my friends!
P.S. What’s the worst that can happen for you? You hire me and it doesn’t work and you are out some money? I don’t think so.  I think the worst that can happen is you NOT doing this work and staying exactly where you are.  I cannot wait to see what you create with the information and coaching I give you! It has blown my mind and it will for sure blow yours!!!

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