Tag momoftwins

Feeling good intolerance

Here’s a thought i heard today you might like: “I’m learning to trust the good in my life”.

You know when you go to check on your kids when they are sleeping and they look so amazing and beautiful that it becomes too much for you to handle,  you get scared that something will happen to them?

Your feeling of love turns into fear and loosing this fortune. 

I call this being uncomfortable with feeling good. Really. 

We are intolerant to feeling good. 

We can’t take too much of it, at some point we get very uncomfortable with feeling THAT good. 

To avoid that discomfort we have thoughts like ‘it’s irresponsible to not worry, i don’t want to brag, this is white people problems; adding complaining at the end to make us seem more normal’.

Those are the ways we bring ourselves back where it’s more comfortable: some good and some problems.

I’m definitely a believer that we can grow our capacity to have and feel good in our life. 

Practice feeling good without guilt, excuses, fear or shame. (and i do that with that sentence : “i’m learning ot trust the good in my life” and i lean in and feel the love without being afraid. just adding a second here and there)

It’s not a mystery, it’s intentional brain management. 

Natalia

P.S.

My job is just like the job of a fridge technician.  He comes in and adjusts the way the fridge works SO that the food doesn’t rot. We need the food to stay cold so that we can be healthy and have a great life. 
I come in and adjust the way your brain works SO that your THOUGHTS (food) don’t get rotten and make you sick.  IF we let the fridge do it’s thing without setting the thermostat and maintaining it, keeping the door closed our food will get rotten and we will get sick.

The exact same thing happens with our brain.  If we keep the door open and LET every opinion into brain well we will feel sick- sad, unsure, ashamed.
If we don’t set the temperature- which is what thoughts are acceptable to achieve the life we want – if we don’t set that then again we will get sick.

Food fuels our body. Thoughts fuel our mind, which creates our life.  Keep your food cold and manage your thoughts.  – your friendly neighbourhood life coach:) 

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BE MORE YOU

I’m working on ‘cultivating’ being me because that is what gets me the life i want by attracting people who want my help.

Yes i want to help people but i also want this for ME, helping people is FOR ME, i have fun with it, i feel good when i do it, i expand my comfort zone and skills and push myself. ALL of it is for me. 

I want you to do the same.

Because really what you and I both want is not that much different.  

We both want to feel in control of our life, to feel love, to be confident, to have FUN,  to have all the things we want in life.  

The path there is being the most US we can be. 

If I am the most ME I can be then that also means i have accepted all of my flaws, and i am loving all the great parts of me. I am USING them to create and build the life i want.

If you are the MOST YOU you can be then that means the exact same thing – showing the world ALL parts of you. 

And i don’t mean showing everyone on instagram like I do, no, it may mean coming to terms with being judgmental of your husband and no longer blaming him for how you feel. Saying to him ‘i have this thing i’m insecure about and it often comes out when i think of you, i am working on it. it has nothing to do with you, it’s all me and my work.’

Now that is super powerful, you are not beating yourself up for doing it and you are also NOT hiding it.  

It is what it is and you know you are working on it and it’s okay. 

That is what i mean when i say you love ALL of you, all of your judgements, all of the mess ups, all of it. It also means you get better at seeing all the amazing sides you. 

We often wait to get rid of our flaws to fully embrace our strengths but that only dulls them.  Embracing both is MAGIC.

Because you are not shaming yourself about judging you are so much lighter and you laugh and enjoy yourself when you feel great! nothing is holding you back! You are YOU at all times. 

So cultivate being YOU in all the ways. 

If you see me share something vulnerable do the same with yourself – share one thing you wish was different about you – even with just yourself – just so you make peace with it. 

I hear ‘love yourself’ a lot.
But here’s the specific how – take one thing you don’t like about yourself now and chose it as part of your brand, that’s what makes you YOU and that is what the world needs – your husband and kids need you EXACTLY the way you are.  THAT is the way to loving yourself.

WE need you to be MORE YOUl

DO THAT.

Natalia 

P.S.  My mom and I used to fight like crazy all our life UNTIL i did this work and changed our relationship dramatically!  So dramatically that i was able to coach her without judgement! 

Here’s what my mom says about working with me one on one: 

“Natalia helped me solve little problems in life but by doing that work I got my confidence in my life that I have always wanted. I started trusting myself, others, my work, and it’s a big deal for me. 

Natalia showed me where I was not being honest with myself. 
My relationship with myself is the most important to me.  And all the things I am able to do now are the result of that.
Natalia was the catalyst in learning to trust myself and be more confident.  I had all the knowledge and read all the books. What she gave me made it all work.”

Click here to sign up for one on one coaching with me and be MORE of YOU with me.  

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Life Results

I was talking to a friend yesterday and she reminded me of all the non business related results that I’ve created in my life. 

Oh right, those. I am so focused on my business that I forgot about those. 

Here are a few:

Certainty that I can figure it out. 

Feeling connected with my husband. Moving towards him always.

Brave enough to create time for me and what I want, outside of kids and family.  Willing to feel guilty and deal with guilt and still do it. 

Enjoying my kids more than I have ever before (except for those time when I just don’t lol).  

The body that I love, that I feel proud to be in.  That one is probably one of the things I’m most proud of, that and my relationship wth my husband. 

Proud of myself for sharing my ideas with the world, feeling exposed and vulnerable and doing it anyway.

Being understanding and accepting with my mom.  Huge shift there.

My next one that I’m working on is my relationship with myself.   

I feel like all the road lead there.  So I’m standing at the doors of that final destination and figuring out what that looks like, loving myself and having my own back always. 

So far it feels a lot like hitting my head against the door and hurting and not getting anywhere. But I feel I am close.

In fact I know it is only a decision we make in each moment – how we react to ourselves. 

What non tangible results do you want for yourself?

Go get those results. Do anything necessary to get them. 

It feels amazing.

P.S.  Doubt it would work for you? That’s normal. Doubt is part of our survival instinct, it’s doing its job. Doubt doesn’t mean we are doing something wrong or we shouldn’t be doing it.  Trust me I know. I have had doubt every step of the way and here I am with a bag full of results I have always wanted. And I still have doubts every single day. It’s normal and part of the process.  So come chat with me despite your doubts, bring me your doubts.  Let’s go!
P.S.S.  here’s what my clients say: “Working with Natalia made my feel like I’m not just another number in the psychologist book.  I felt I was finally reconnecting with myself even while having anxiety.  I was able to get personal with myself.  You gave me the access key to get personal with myself and understand what is going on in my brain.”

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One person who doesn’t take your excuses

“I don’t know”

“It’s so confusing” 

“There are so many options”

I want to suggest you do know!

You know exactly what you want and what you don’t want.

You just don’t want to take action on it because you are afraid.

You are either afraid of what will happen if you take action or it will be worse if you don’t change anything. 

So if you are going through that with people pleasing or saying yes to things you actually don’t want to be doing then the best you can do for yourself is tell yourself the truth: “I do know what I want, I am just not willing to get it for myself.” 

Doesn’t that feel a lot better than feeling victimy and helpless that comes from ‘i don’t know what to do’.  

Don’t take that crap from your brain.  You do know. 

Natalia

P.S. Having a coach is having that one person in your life who won’t take any of your excuses.  If you are ready for some hard coaching then I am here to do that for you, simply email me back. 

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Entitlement

I had a total tantrum yesterday, in my head, and then later at my husband, about the same thing.

I was so frustrated with finding and figuring out a template for my ebook!
I expected it to be easy, fast and fun!
How wrong was I!!!
It was harder for me than writing a book!!!!
I was wrong.
This wasn’t supposed to be easy or fun or fast.
I’ve never done it before and I had to spend time figuring it out.
I was wrong.
It felt so, so bad.
After all I wrote a book and I deserve to be happy and everything work smoothly because I am so amazing.
How wrong was I.
Even grown ups have tantrums and are completely wrong.
Entitlement creates suffering.
I was entitled to an easy process and I screwed myself over with it.
Next time you freak out, you can ask yourself what are you feeling entitled to? Why?
When you don’t get what you want but you think you deserve it, do you lose your shit in your head and may be act it out too? Just like a 3 year old?
It’s totally okay:)
See it for what it is.
We are allowed.
Noticing my own thinking saved me DAYS or may be even weeks of dwelling on this and complaining and not working on it.
I noticed it, acknowledged it and moved on.
Hope this helps you recognize where this shows up in your life! Have a great day!
Natalia
P.S. Thinking this doesn’t apply to you? It may not be as obvious as a 3 year old tantrum, it may look like this “I don’t have time for this!” Or “he should’ve known” or “nobody appreciates what I do” , these are all tantrums in our heads, feeling entitled to time, understanding and appreciation. And I agree that those would be lovely but when we don’t get them, being upset about it doesn’t help!  I can help you create time, understanding and appreciation for yourself, regardless of what others do! If you are even a little bit curious you must come talk to me! It will change your life!!!

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I’M SO BUSY!

What if we eliminated ‘so busy’ from our vocabulary???

Whenever I tell anyone I have 4 boys, 99% of people react “wow, you must be so busy!”.
Although there is definitely truth in it, I never choose to say that about my life.
Why? Because I feel extremely overwhelmed when I think that and there is no good coming out of that.
Instead you know what I do, I simply state the ONE thing I am doing right now.
In fact I made it a habit, whenever one of my boys asks for my help and I am already helping the other boy, I always say ‘I can’t right now, I am helping this guy with his mittens, when I’m done with him I will help you.’
Instead of ‘I can’t help you, can’t you see I’m BUSY!!!” (Roll your eyes)
Notice how right away with that one word you tell the whole story of your life: that you always have something or someone who needs you, you have no time to yourself, victim mode, victim mode, victim mode” cry me a river!
I can find the truth in the ‘I’m busy’ and I can also find the truth in the ‘I’m doing this one thing right now.”
The truth is we are always doing just that one thing, even when we are interrupted a million times, we still pay attention to only one thing at a time.
So I want to challenge you to eliminate ‘I”M BUSY” from your vocabulary and see how hard it is. For some of us it is such a habit to say it to anyone, all the time, every day.  What that creates is a habit of feeling overwhelmed all the time.
If you were to choose from two very true things, one could make you feel overwhelmed and the other calm and focused, what would it be?
Have a fantastic Wednesday everybody!
If you ever wonder what I’m doing: it’s only one of the two things: working or with my family.  I’m not busy, I only have 2 things(wink).
Natalia
P.S. Feeling overwhelmed with life and especially holidays coming up I cannot suggest strongly enough to come work with me as I have eliminated overwhelm in my life and I help you do the same.  Imagine a calm and relaxed December? It is possible. IF you just read to the end of this email then why don’t we continue this conversation over coffee?! You got this!

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This is what success feels like.

Friday, I get off the call with my client and I am overcome with this awe of what just happened.
My client tells me how their life has changed, their relationship with themselves has shifted, it has become better.
The relationships with their close ones has changed.
Their life is not perfect but what once seemed impossible is now a reality.
I drive with my husband in the car and I can’t get over how amazing it feels to be someone who helped that person and to witness those results.
And I tell him ‘this is what success feels like’.
Skip to Monday and I am driving to a school, where I will present to high school students about my job and career.
I am also in awe of what I have accomplished and what once seemed impossible (to find a career that I love) is now a reality.
But I can’t feel this awe as I am scared and nervous to public speak in front of anyone right now.
I haven’t done it in 10 months.
And amidst of the fear and nervousness my brain says ‘this is what success feels like’.
And it makes me smile.
The two days could not feel any different.
Yet they are both part of one success.
It is beautiful and uncomfortable at the same time.
And I love it.
P.S. This is also what I do with my clients, I help them set impossible goals (dream jobs or results) and I help them stay out of their own way so they can actually do the work to get there.  It is not some magic, woo woo or rocket science. I simple work with them to make sure their excuses and discomfort don’t come in the way of their goals. That’s it.   What better way to go into December and the new year knowing that you have a personal champion there for you to work for you and YOUR dreams.  I invite you to sign up for a free call with me to discuss your big goals!

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You can’t change your worthiness

My kid came home from school yesterday and said “ mama, did you know there’s nothing special ?”
I said what do you mean ? He said “the only thing that’s special is us”
I asked him how does he know that. He said his teacher told him that at the fire drill. If you want to save something special then you just save yourself she said.
He was so pleased with himself and 200% certain In these facts, like 1+1=2.
He didn’t have any doubts or he wasn’t even amazed, he was just certain that that’s how the world is.
Kids sure do know how special they are.
Those same kids grow up and forget that and start to look for somebody to do or say something to them so they can feel okay about themselves.
I coach my clients on this all the time.
And those are not direct request to be acknowledged as special.
These specific little examples of how sneaky this can be.
“If only so and so asked for their advice then they would know they are important.”
“If I’m doing as much or more than others the I am doing enough.”
“If my vacations are just as nice and often as others then I am doing it right.”

“If only I had a tight group of friends than I would not be missing out.” .
I have to remind my clients again and again that things and results and people out there can never ever create the feeling of satisfaction for them.

The only way to feel worthy, satisfied, good enough is by deciding that you already ARE.
Your thoughts about you will create that feeling for you.
That’s it.
And guess what, you have my full permission to think all of them before any of that stuff happens, regardless of what happens.
So, if you ARE special regardless of what you do or don’t do – now what ?
What struggles can you let go of ?

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But it’s true!

A lot of my clients say “but it’s true!”.
So what ?
Does that mean you need to think that in your head over and over again ?
What is the upside of thinking something that is true that is also creating frustration and resentment?
None that I can see.
What does serve me here ?
The best way I like to do this is to keep noticing the difference in how I feel when I focus on the “truth” or how I feel when I see the other side of things. .
I don’t try to jump to the happy place ( I do, it just doesn’t work until I really sit with the other yucky feeling), I notice how shitty I feel when I stick to what’s “true” ( and I’m putting it in quotation marks because what we usually think is true is just our observation).

I notice that it’s my thoughts about it is what’s making me feel shitty, and not the actual thing.
The more I do it the sooner it lifts and I am free from any sort of “justice needs to be done”. Does it serve you to think that thing you are thinking?
The way you know is by how you feel.
Happy Tuesday everyone !

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100% worthy

I’m 100% worthy. 

I did not believe that.

I used to beat myself up after yelling at my son. 

I thought I must be a horrible, horrible person.

A monster. 

How can anyone be a good person when they get so angry at their kid. 

I used to be so angry at myself for yelling at them that I would snap at them more and more just by staying in that spin cycle.

Until this summer.

I embraced the impossible goal of having the best relationship with my son. 

I admitted it could be possible for me to have that. 

So I hired a relationship coach. 

3 months ago I was crying on the phone telling her “ I need to do this work because I don’t want to be this person anymore. I’m so sad.”

A few weeks ago I was telling her how a miracle has happened ( of course it was all my hard work ) and I had the best bed time routine with my son ever. 

I was looking forward to seeing him, I didn’t feel guilty or not good enough for something I have done earlier that day. 

I was feeling more love towards myself and him and finally being there on his side! Seeing life through his eyes and not getting mad at him. 

The other part of the breakthrough is that i did yell at him that day. 

The difference was what I made it mean when I yelled.

I did not make it mean that I’m a horrible person.

Instead I made it mean that that was a fluke and not at all reflective on my relationship with him.

 Not at all.

In fact our relationship is so strong and good that we can handle these fights.

(and by the way i do yell a lot less coming from the belief our relationship is solid.)

No problem .

Because you see what I realized is that when I have a good relationship with my son it doesn’t mean that I never yell at him, it means that I am not focusing on it solely.

My focus is on the rest of the 98% of my time with him that is all good and filled with good stuff. I am still a good mom.

I am still 100 % worthy.

I don’t need to beat myself up.

I can still enjoy my connection with him.

I have transformed my relationship with my son and my son did not have to change at all.

All I had to do is work on my mind.  

If you are struggling with your relationship with your child and are worried about how yelling is effecting them you can reach out to me and sign up for a free mini session where I can explain exactly how I can help. 

Natalia

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