Tag mom

This is just what happens


  • So you know how we are born, we go to school, get married, get a job, have kids. It’s a thing that we all do or try to do if we can. We may do it in a different order, skip some steps or take longer but it’s just what we do.

    So when I came across my life coach who was offering her help I ignored it completely because it’s not what we do, I didn’t know anybody who was doing it so I didn’t even hear her offer at first.

    Then when I heard some of her clients talk about their lives and what changed for them from working with her I was SOLD, I wanted some of that for me, hearing real people talk about how they could lose weight and start a business and make money, be confident- did it for me. I wanted all of those things! FOR ME!

    But at the same time I thought this is just a scam, she just wants my money, may be I’m a fool, may be I can’t do this, and I definitely don’t want to spend money on this, nobody is doing it and they will definitely think I’m such a fool for paying money for this.

    This is not what people do!

    Hiring a life coach is not part of the plan!
    But I wanted to feel confident so badly, I wanted to be doing all those things those people were doing!
    So I had to literally convince myself that I can Become confident and be just like her clients who achieved all those things.
    I will admit it took me months to convince myself To even try it.

    It wasn’t a gym membership, which is easy to share about with friends.
    It wasn’t even the same as going to a psychologist, which is more commonly done but not so commonly shared.

    This was brand new and there was a big chance of it not working.
    Doing something that nobody is doing is scary.

    But from my experience I gained my whole life by doing something that nobody is doing, I gained my confidence, my fun in life, I gained all the things I thought were impossible for me.

    I lost the safety of being liked by everyone but I can’t even remember why that mattered now.

    So I think it is so worth it to let yourself convince yourself to do something you want. Have a real conversation with yourself and negotiate.
    What do you want and what are the risks, and are you willing to work hard to get that.

    Have a real conversation with yourself and negotiate.
    What do you want and what are the risks, and are you willing to work hard to get that result no matter what.

    -Natalia
    P.S. Now I will share with you what my client said here so watch what your brain says and be curious about why it says that, does it say “it’s not for me” or “I wish I could have that” and be curious.

    If you have been convincing yourself to do this I think you are ready, what is your one doubt that’s stopping you? I can help you overcome it so that you can also get what you like.

    P.s.s. she says: “What you told me in our first chat blew my mind.
    I never really saw things the way that you described it and I knew the awareness was there but its kind of like you helped me recall it and you put it in a logical way which I am not able to do. I’m a very emotional person and you explained it so well that it was easy to understand and it made so much sense that it changed completely the way I was in control gain, I was no longer the passenger, I was the driver. I was in control again.”

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My mom says

“I LEARNED TO MAKE A DECISION AND DECIDE THAT IT’S THE RIGHT DECISION” – NINA MATVEEVA

This is so powerful and straight out of my moms mouth!
Can’t help it but brag she learned it from working with me:) SO good!


Her testimonial coming

soon!! #decisions #decide #rightone #rightdecisions #mom

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BE MORE YOU

I’m working on ‘cultivating’ being me because that is what gets me the life i want by attracting people who want my help.

Yes i want to help people but i also want this for ME, helping people is FOR ME, i have fun with it, i feel good when i do it, i expand my comfort zone and skills and push myself. ALL of it is for me. 

I want you to do the same.

Because really what you and I both want is not that much different.  

We both want to feel in control of our life, to feel love, to be confident, to have FUN,  to have all the things we want in life.  

The path there is being the most US we can be. 

If I am the most ME I can be then that also means i have accepted all of my flaws, and i am loving all the great parts of me. I am USING them to create and build the life i want.

If you are the MOST YOU you can be then that means the exact same thing – showing the world ALL parts of you. 

And i don’t mean showing everyone on instagram like I do, no, it may mean coming to terms with being judgmental of your husband and no longer blaming him for how you feel. Saying to him ‘i have this thing i’m insecure about and it often comes out when i think of you, i am working on it. it has nothing to do with you, it’s all me and my work.’

Now that is super powerful, you are not beating yourself up for doing it and you are also NOT hiding it.  

It is what it is and you know you are working on it and it’s okay. 

That is what i mean when i say you love ALL of you, all of your judgements, all of the mess ups, all of it. It also means you get better at seeing all the amazing sides you. 

We often wait to get rid of our flaws to fully embrace our strengths but that only dulls them.  Embracing both is MAGIC.

Because you are not shaming yourself about judging you are so much lighter and you laugh and enjoy yourself when you feel great! nothing is holding you back! You are YOU at all times. 

So cultivate being YOU in all the ways. 

If you see me share something vulnerable do the same with yourself – share one thing you wish was different about you – even with just yourself – just so you make peace with it. 

I hear ‘love yourself’ a lot.
But here’s the specific how – take one thing you don’t like about yourself now and chose it as part of your brand, that’s what makes you YOU and that is what the world needs – your husband and kids need you EXACTLY the way you are.  THAT is the way to loving yourself.

WE need you to be MORE YOUl

DO THAT.

Natalia 

P.S.  My mom and I used to fight like crazy all our life UNTIL i did this work and changed our relationship dramatically!  So dramatically that i was able to coach her without judgement! 

Here’s what my mom says about working with me one on one: 

“Natalia helped me solve little problems in life but by doing that work I got my confidence in my life that I have always wanted. I started trusting myself, others, my work, and it’s a big deal for me. 

Natalia showed me where I was not being honest with myself. 
My relationship with myself is the most important to me.  And all the things I am able to do now are the result of that.
Natalia was the catalyst in learning to trust myself and be more confident.  I had all the knowledge and read all the books. What she gave me made it all work.”

Click here to sign up for one on one coaching with me and be MORE of YOU with me.  

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Life Results

I was talking to a friend yesterday and she reminded me of all the non business related results that I’ve created in my life. 

Oh right, those. I am so focused on my business that I forgot about those. 

Here are a few:

Certainty that I can figure it out. 

Feeling connected with my husband. Moving towards him always.

Brave enough to create time for me and what I want, outside of kids and family.  Willing to feel guilty and deal with guilt and still do it. 

Enjoying my kids more than I have ever before (except for those time when I just don’t lol).  

The body that I love, that I feel proud to be in.  That one is probably one of the things I’m most proud of, that and my relationship wth my husband. 

Proud of myself for sharing my ideas with the world, feeling exposed and vulnerable and doing it anyway.

Being understanding and accepting with my mom.  Huge shift there.

My next one that I’m working on is my relationship with myself.   

I feel like all the road lead there.  So I’m standing at the doors of that final destination and figuring out what that looks like, loving myself and having my own back always. 

So far it feels a lot like hitting my head against the door and hurting and not getting anywhere. But I feel I am close.

In fact I know it is only a decision we make in each moment – how we react to ourselves. 

What non tangible results do you want for yourself?

Go get those results. Do anything necessary to get them. 

It feels amazing.

P.S.  Doubt it would work for you? That’s normal. Doubt is part of our survival instinct, it’s doing its job. Doubt doesn’t mean we are doing something wrong or we shouldn’t be doing it.  Trust me I know. I have had doubt every step of the way and here I am with a bag full of results I have always wanted. And I still have doubts every single day. It’s normal and part of the process.  So come chat with me despite your doubts, bring me your doubts.  Let’s go!
P.S.S.  here’s what my clients say: “Working with Natalia made my feel like I’m not just another number in the psychologist book.  I felt I was finally reconnecting with myself even while having anxiety.  I was able to get personal with myself.  You gave me the access key to get personal with myself and understand what is going on in my brain.”

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Mom miracles

I coach my mom every week.

She lives in Toronto and I live in Calgary.

Sometimes I call her every day and we chat.

We chat about our bad days and good days, business failures and wins and once in a while we chat about the kids.

We cry sometimes and we laugh a lot… at ourselves.

My mom and dad are coming this weekend for a short visit.

My mom loves shows so I got tickets for this weekends kids show.

I have the whole weekend planned.

I’m excited.

P.S. struggling with your mom? I’ve been there and that’s why i’m the best person to help. Miracles do happen and no it’s not your mother changing.  Ready to be that change for the both of you? Simply email back and we can talk.

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Yelling is not a problem, yelling is a SYMPTOM.

“I’ve been home with the kids for 4 years. I’m not sure what to do next. I would like to contribute to my family’s income. I also don’t want to go back to the job I had before I had kids. It’s almost like I’m having an identity crisis!”.
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If this is you and you are feeling frustrated, doubtful, uncertain, and nervous about your future then no wonder sometimes you take that frustration out on your kids.
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If this is you then the yelling is not your problem. What’s going on inside your brain is what needs attention.
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If this is you, I got you. I have been in your shoes and have figured it out and I have helped many women like you figure it out and feel exactly how they want to feel about their direction in life and in their career and with their family.
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If you want to stop yelling and also figure out what your next stage of life looks like I invite you to direct message me to set up a time to have a deep conversation about you and what you want for yourself in your life.

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Lessons learned from my mom.

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Hello friends!
As you may already know every 10th post I write about lessons learned from one of my teachers.
This is my 40th post and I want to share with you the lessons learned from my mom!

Before I ever found a life coach and learned all the things she teaches, and read all the books on self help I had the best teacher I could ever have.  She laid the foundation for me to be able to absorb all of the teachings that I know now.

Here are a few ‘big’ beliefs she taught me:

1.  You will always find the good in the people if you look.  She taught me to use this approach when I’m going into a new situation when I don’t know people well and I’m nervous.  This has served me SO well in all of my life.  It allows me to focus on the people I meet instead of myself.

2. Never stop looking for the answers.  You will figure it out, just ask the universe for what you really want and imagine it as if it was already true.

3.  “Don’t beat yourself up.” – she would say that to me so many time when I would call to complain or vent.  This one is so good because so many times I would beat myself up for something and wouldn’t be able to move on and grow.  It is drilled into my head now after hearing it from her a million times.

4.  Happy marriage doesn’t have to take longer than 20 mins a day.  LOVE, love, love this one.  It sets me so free knowing that i don’t have to strive for the most time spent, or the best time spent together, or any ‘romantic’ time spent together.  Exploring ways how this can be true allows me to really let my marriage be what it is without wishing it was different.  Some days we spend the whole day together and some days we are like ships crossing in the night and I love how i don’t have to make it mean that we are not ‘doing’ it right.  So much freedom!

5.  Lying down with your kids for a chat before bed can mean the world to them.  My mom did that for my brother and I growing up and I still strongly remember how much we loved every minute of it. Even in our teens!!!!! Which is so important, i believe.  Now I am able to do that for my kids.  Having 4 of them means that they need that one on one time that much more! Thanks to my mom I can be there for them if they need to get something off their chest.

6. When stuck, look within yourself to see what You have done to contribute to the situation, not the other person. Own your stuff.  Apologize. When i was a teenager my mom and I fought a lot.  It was all thanks to my moms work on herself that we were able to get through that time.  It wasn’t smooth at all but she took responsibility for her part of the deal and was an example for me of how to work on yourself and how to say sorry if needed.

7. The more you do – the more you have to time to do it.
She planted that seed for me early on and now I am able to create my own approach to time and make it exactly what I want.  She taught me how to not be the victim of your time and obligations.

8.  Be flexible like water, she would tell me.  Water takes whatever shape it needs to when it flows, “so do that”, she would say.  This also set me up for an open mindset of approaching life with the ‘I can handle and adjust to anything’.

I bet my mom would read this and have no idea she did all that for me, but i am so grateful to her for teaching me what she knows. There is so much more of course and there are beliefs that I learned that probably don’t serve me as well, but that’s not what matters now.

My mom doing HER work, showing up for herself, searching for her own answers, trickled down to planting so many good seeds in my head.

So do your work ladies!( and gents).

You never know what beautiful ripple effect it will have on the people in your life.

Natalia

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Back Alley

I am grateful.

 

For the simple joys of summer.

And that is – watching my boys explore our back alley.

Amongst all the amazing things we did this summer – vacations, trips, playgrounds, family visits, water fun – we found that pure and simple summer fun in something unexpected, unplanned and free – our back alley.

My kids were picking raspberries, climbing trees for apples, biking for hours on end, splashing in puddles and playing with rocks and sticks.  We got to know our neighbours and found secret passages from one alley to the other.  If we got too hot we’d splash water on our heads and keep going.  Kids would come home covered in berry juice, with wet hair, shirt free and dusty – and oh so happy.  And most importantly with a happy mama.

Why , do you ask, I feel this is important enough to share with all you guys?

Here is why.

It wasn’t always that way!

For a long time I would go out to the back to supervise the little humans of mine and work myself up to a nervous, anxious, snappy mom.  I was so exhausted of thinking of what could go wrong.

The back alley is technically a road after-all.  So as a responsible mom I would anticipate all that can happen to a boy on a road.
A car hitting a boy on the bike.
One of the boys biking too far and turning a corner where I can’t see them.
Two boys getting hurt at the same time and me being torn between which one to run to first (which actually happens regularly).
Constantly thinking about all the horrible accidents that could happen to my boys.  It was exhausting!

One day I was so tired of my own constant head turning (to check for cars) that I decided to see how long it takes before the next car drives down the alley.  To my amazement it was over and hour and a half until we saw any car at all.  For that entire time we had the back alley all to ourselves and not a single car to bother us!

Everything changed for me at that moment.  I brought my attention to the facts and realized that the back alley is not as dangerous as I was making it out in my mind.  It simply wasn’t.  And even when the car drives down the back alley – it is going very slowly.  So why get so worried?

No longer was I obsessing about what could happen.  I was so grateful to have such an amazing extension to our backyard.  Full of puddles, biking space and berries.  What more can a boy (and a boys mom) ask for.

Sometimes my worries are so far removed from reality that they make my life a little bit worse!  Shocker, I know, but I learned that the hard way.

I am so proud of myself for taking that leap and trying to imagine myself – in the back alley and relaxed.  Still on guard and ready to come to aid but relaxed and enjoying one of my favourite activities of summer!

What is your ‘back alley’ which you enjoy but know you would enjoy a lot more if you dropped the unnecessary worry?

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To Yell or not to Yell?

IMG_5351What do I know about yelling at my kids? A lot.  What I feel when I yell.   I feel like I need to stop whatever is happening at any cost.  If it’s a screaming kid I can yell at him to stop yelling.  If it’s two fighting boys I can get in there and fight with them about their fighting. I am really good at that.  

Is that a person I want to be?
Definitely not.

Have you ever found yourself feeling so irritable and jumpy that even the slightest misdoing by your kids sets you off?

Welcome to my world.  Big boys – 6 and 5 and the twins are 2.  Little ones are the sweetest little things and are so cute, I can just squeeze them and kiss them and show them off to every stranger who’s wiling to look.  Until they start screaming for my attention.  And I want to give it to them.   And may be that’s the problem.  The screaming gets to be too much to handle and adds to the chaos and I end up yelling.

Then there are the big boys.  On my good days I do enjoy looking into their eyes and listening to their crazy explosion or war stories and looking at their amazing lego creations.  I do really love them.  BUT then I happen to them.  I happen to myself and take some of that joy away.  

“They shouldn’t be hurting each other” I think…
“They should turn the hose off when I ask them to turn the hose off…” – makes total sense to me when I think it
“They should respond to me when I talk to them…” I go again to myself
“I shouldn’t be getting upset over it…” I start on myself
“They only hear me when I yell…” now my blood starts to boil..
“Why do they do this to me ..”  And right away I know I’m doing this to myself and it’s too late.  

I
Just
Yelled.

“Total disaster” I say to myself.
Heart full of disappointment and embarrassment.  

After apologies and kisses I am left with myself.  

‘I am worthy, 100% worthy and complete – no matter what I do’. SO my coach tells me.  

How do I see that after what I have just done?   That seems impossible.  At first I didn’t even consider it as something that could apply to me.  IF only I can stop yelling THEN I will be good enough.  

But now I am slowly opening up to the possibility that I am indeed worthy at all times, regardless of what I do and don’t do (After all I was born worthy).  I am opening up to seeing proof of that.  

If I am worthy, then …. what? 

If I don’t need to make myself better? … then what? 

IF I am already perfect just as I am… 

THEN

…Yelling doesn’t have to mean that I am failing, broken, wrong or a horrible mother …. it could mean something less dramatic…

I’ve decided to make it mean that I am learning to accept myself and the world AS is.  Right now I am fighting it with my YELLING.  But what If I just let it be? 

What if I let ME be me without any ‘shoulds’?   Then may be I can let the world around me just – be.  

Wouldn’t that feel good? 

Are you letting yourself just be?

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