Tag mom of all boys

Brains are fascinating!


I woke up this morning from a dream where I thought that my little guy was drowning!

I pulled him out and it was over in seconds but that scared face coming out of the water WOKE me up early and I was so shaken up! Here’s what I find so interesting, I’m always so amazed how an image in my head from a dream can create such strong emotion!!!

NOTHING has happened, I was sleeping! Yet my brain thinks my son was drowning! And now I’m picturing strapping on a life jacket on him for the future to make sure he doesn’t drown!

And trying to prevent that from happening NOT because he was drowning but because I had a dream of him drowning ! So fascinating !

This is what our brain does when we are awake too- it imagines stuff and then goes to solve for that imaginary scenario, because we think it’s real! Or potentially real in the future! Or realistic!

It’s so crazy and cool to realize that none of it is real, it’s all our perception and when we think it’s real we go down the rabbit hole and believe something we don’t have to beleive. We suffer unnecessarily.

What a powerful beautiful software we have in our brain, we can use it for worry or we can use it to imagine a wonderful future for ourselves.

Both are imagining, worry is just imagining something terrible happening in the future and the other is imagining something great happening in the future.

So thanks to that dream I got yo spend extra quiet time with myself this morning, with a coffee, NOT being afraid that my son will drown. I read and watched a scholars video on money.

#brainsatefascinating


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You can’t change your worthiness

My kid came home from school yesterday and said “ mama, did you know there’s nothing special ?”
I said what do you mean ? He said “the only thing that’s special is us”
I asked him how does he know that. He said his teacher told him that at the fire drill. If you want to save something special then you just save yourself she said.
He was so pleased with himself and 200% certain In these facts, like 1+1=2.
He didn’t have any doubts or he wasn’t even amazed, he was just certain that that’s how the world is.
Kids sure do know how special they are.
Those same kids grow up and forget that and start to look for somebody to do or say something to them so they can feel okay about themselves.
I coach my clients on this all the time.
And those are not direct request to be acknowledged as special.
These specific little examples of how sneaky this can be.
“If only so and so asked for their advice then they would know they are important.”
“If I’m doing as much or more than others the I am doing enough.”
“If my vacations are just as nice and often as others then I am doing it right.”

“If only I had a tight group of friends than I would not be missing out.” .
I have to remind my clients again and again that things and results and people out there can never ever create the feeling of satisfaction for them.

The only way to feel worthy, satisfied, good enough is by deciding that you already ARE.
Your thoughts about you will create that feeling for you.
That’s it.
And guess what, you have my full permission to think all of them before any of that stuff happens, regardless of what happens.
So, if you ARE special regardless of what you do or don’t do – now what ?
What struggles can you let go of ?

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This is just a thought.

“This is just a thought.”

Today at the school pick up I saw my friend, gave her a hug and she asked me how I am. “Shitty” I said and laughed.
I was so delighted by my own happiness about feeling shitty that I surprised myself.
How can I feel shitty and happy at the same time?
So simple.
I felt bad all day, but I kept on saying to myself ‘this is just a thought’ to whatever my mind was telling me.
Whether it was ‘everything sucks’, ‘I’m so tired’, ‘I’m a bad coach’, ‘what if I’m doing it wrong’ – my answer to all those was ‘this is just a thought, you don’t have to believe it’.
I did not go down the rabbit hole and believe these “truths”.
What a relief. Life is supposed to be 50% great and 50% shitty and so I wasn’t fighting the bad part.
I just allowed it to be there and recognized what was creating it for me.
Can you imagine yourself a bad day that actually kinda feels good?
That doesn’t add up, does it?
But there is some peace to it.  I felt bad because I was thinking thoughts that made me feel bad. That’s it. Not the end of the world.
What thoughts are you believing but wish you wouldn’t? comment below!
N

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I say this a lot.

I’m sorry, you are right 

I say this a lot.

 I used to have a really hard time apologizing.  

I used to fight, avoid and blame.  

My fights would drag out into hours and sometimes days. 

I didn’t know how to do it better.

My mentor Brooke Castillo taught me to always agree with whatever I’m being accused of. 

And not in a fake way, not in a way to just diffuse the fight but still keep believing I’m right.

In a way where I can truly find the truth in what the other person is saying. 

Even if it’s 1% true.  

I agree with them. 

“You are right, I wasn’t thinking of you at all. I’m sorry.”

“It’s true, I did do that thing. I’m sorry.”

I don’t go into explaining what my true intentions were, I don’t justify it to them, I don’t make excuses.  

Not of that serves me. 

By making excuses I create more distance between me and that person. 

I own everything that I’m accused of and if I can’t see get there in that moment then I take my time TO see it, to find the ounce of truth in it.  

Sometimes it takes me a minute or a day.  

It is always worth it.  

It gives me so much peace to AGREE with them.

And when I sincerely apologize for whatever I’ve done I create connection and make my relationship stronger with that person. 

I have saved so much time by not fighting and dwelling in who’s right and who’s wrong.  

Just by finding the truth in what they say I have created so much trust and growth and connection with people in my life. 

And peace!

Try it my friends. 

There is no upside defending your position. 

Own your shit and notice how much time you save and how connected you feel to the people in your life ! 

 

N

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Kid wants to read my blog

Tyler just sat down beside me and wanted to be with me while I write my blog.
 I explained that this is grow up stuff and he’s not a grown up so therefore he needs to give me space for 15mins.
I don’t think he was too impressed with these answers.
But truthfully I need space to think and be open.
Answering questions about what I’m writing is not supportive of thinking. I love to think and write so now Tyler is sitting on a different couch.
We are going on a road trip to Venron today and we are all super excited! Some are excited for the pool, some for water skiing, some are excited for the goodie bags they get in the car for the drive. Austin is already sad to be leavening! He is sad now because he knows he will be sad to leave grandma and grandpas in 1 week! How sweet!
Have a fantastic weekend and I’ll sea ya’ll tomorrow!
After all that i wrote a blog post that Tyler could’ve read! what’da ya know! ANyways,! have to go on our road trip!

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The Yelling Jar!

Check out this experiment i am doing with retraining my brain.  I use a simple reward system that engages my primitive brain and creates a new connection in my brain every time i want to snap at my kids.  Simply said: I am rewiring myself to not yell at the kids with this amazing system!

The way it works is by collecting as many unanswered urges to yell as i can i am retraining my brain to react differently to my urges.  Every time i allow an urge and don’t snap at the kids – I get to add a glass bead to the jar! Simple and it works! Try it!

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How I lost my last 17 lbs!

Hey guys !

You have asked me to write something on the BODY image and so I want to share with you how I lost my last 17 pounds!!!!

After all we often think we should ‘lose weight’ or change our body in some way when we think of how our body looks.

A year after having all my kids, I plateaued at around 10 pounds over my normal body weight.  Or so I thought was my normal body weight.

So here’s a short version of how I lost my last 17 pounds:

1. Don’t overeat.  (Super easy)

2. Feel all the negative feelings when I don’t overeat. (Super hard)

That’s it.  It is extremely simple and also hard at the same time.

It actually used to be hard at first and now its so almost effortless.

So now let me tell you the long version of the same story.

The reason I overate was because I was feeling anxious, bored, overwhelmed, nervous, you name it and I would be eating because of it, to avoid it.

Of course I wasn’t aware of that at the time, not consciously at least.

By doing this work I learned a lot about emotional eating and what it takes to stop overeating.

It required me to be willing to feel super uncomfortable when I wanted to overeat.

I was willing to feel anxious or bored and deprived and NOT eat anything.

Once I was willing to do that my whole life changed.

I was back in charge of my body and what I put in it.

I was no longer at back and call of my feelings, of my bad habits, cravings or mindless eating.

I have lost all the 10 pounds I thought I needed to lose and an extra 7 pounds on top of that just because I decided to feel my feelings instead of avoiding them by stuffing my face.

Today I can truly enjoy my body when I get dressed in the morning and when I go to bed with a happy stomach.

When I pack for vacation I no longer have to dread putting on my swimsuit and have a potbelly sticking out, I am excited to be the size I was when I was 20!

How amazing is that!

I was overweight ( now lots of people may roll their eyes if they know me and they would say I can’t claim that title, but to those people I will say that for a decade I went to bed with the big stomach ache from overeating, which kept me up half of the night, so that i think even a little person can feel overweight and achy and want to lose that weight).

I was over my normal weight and that caused me to beat myself up, put up with the stomach ache, have low self confidence and just in general not feel in charge of my body.

So if you asked me what I have to offer on the subject of ‘body weight’ I would have to say it all starts with your willingness to feel all the uncomfortable feelings.

Your body is simply a reflection of the choices you make when you avoid ‘life’.

Part of my lifestyle now is not eating anything after dinner ( no desert or snacks); I also don’t eat any flour or sugar during the day .

This keeps my hunger scaled back to only require what I need to fuel my body.

I do plan exceptions (a treat planned ahead of time, and never as a response to a craving in the moment), sometimes a birthday cake or a non alcoholic beer. I do that as a practice of not being afraid to consume those foods and being able to still eat them without binging for a week afterwards.

Another big change I have included in the new me is not consuming any alcohol.   And let me tell you – life is SO much better without it!

I will talk about that one in my next blog!

Stay tuned!

Natalia

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HELP ME, PLEASE!

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The other day I was driving the car with my 2 toddlers in the back and one of them needed help wiping his finger.

He kept asking me ‘mama wipe my finger, wipe my finger’. I explained that I’m driving and I can’t help him right now but when we stop I can help him.  He didn’t love my answer and kept asking in hopes of a different answer.

Finally something clicked in my head and I said “ Cade, can you help Cade wipe your finger?”

This brought on a big smile to his face and I really wonder what he was thinking. May be he never thought of it that way, and I don’t think I have either.

When you think of asking for help, it usually implies you will be asking somebody or something outside of you.

You never think ‘ hm, let me ask MYSELF for help’ .

But who is the one person who’s always with us all our life and knows what we need better than anyone?

US, of course.

WE can be the ones who are there to help us when we need help, when we need anything.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to feel so safe no matter where you go and what you do knowing that YOU are there for yourself.

You will make sure your needs are met.

As grown ups we already do a lot of our own care.

But I want to take this past the feeding and the sleeping!

What if you were the person to take care of your own approval, your own excitement, tantrums, your own mental and emotional needs.

You will make sure your schedule isn’t overloaded or if it is then you will find time to rest.

You messed up, no problem: you got your back, no beating yourself up.

You freaked out, so you take yourself aside and listen to everything you have to say, no exceptions.

Wouldn’t it be so fun to go through life knowing that you always, always have YOURSELF there for you?

I can already hear the arguments that it’s not healthy to not need anyone, you will become a recluse and live alone, you need to have a support network, etc. etc.

But I want to suggest that it is healthy to meet your own needs.

Imagine that when you are with your friends and family and you don’t need anything from them, you can enjoy their company so much more and also are a lot more able to meet their needs when they come up.

Lets be honest – others suck at meeting our needs! No matter how many times we tell them they still get it wrong or say the wrong thing or do it at the wrong time.

And what if they are not there?

Then what?

You got YOU.

That’s what.

Of course there’ll be times when we rely on others and that is a beautiful thing.

I am only suggesting that you make yourself your first go to person for emotional comfort.

You can do it so much better than others if you practice.

Then all that’s left to do with other people in your life is love them, and enjoy their company.

What could you take over doing for yourself that you usually get others to do for you?

And how can that feel amazing?

How would that change your relationship with that person and yourself?

Would love to read your thoughts in the comments below.

Natalia

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HOW DO I CLEAN UP THIS MESS???

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I had a chat with a friend the other day, whom I haven’t seen for a few weeks and she commented that I changed in a good way: a bit calmer, happier, lighter.
It was clear to me that what she noticed was in big part due to me cleaning up my head every single day.
Same way we tidy up the room every day: the counters get cleared, the floors are swept, the dishes are cleaned and put away, garbage is taken out.
Everything feels and looks clean, tidy and light.
That is the exact way I feel when I do a daily ‘clean up’ in my brain.
I do a thought download, a brain dump on paper, or my phone and get it OUT of my head to look at.
Once I got it all out I already feel relieved and lighter.
Then I take a look.
What do I want to keep and what is poisoning my day?
This daily process gives me perspective and a feeling of control.
 I get to decide what I want my day to contain.
Next time you make your bed in the morning or clean up the kitchen, consider what you would clean up in your head if you could walk in it as a room.
Would you keep all the thoughts in that room or would you purge and start fresh?
A few minutes writing it down can help you create enough distance between you and your thoughts to help you decide which ones you want to keep and which you don’t.
This wonderful exercise is my number one tool and I use it as needed, some days I feel so good that I don’t even think about doing it and others I definitely feel that the room got ‘messy’ and I need to tend to it.
Happy cleaning everybody!
Natalia

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To Yell or not to Yell?

IMG_5351What do I know about yelling at my kids? A lot.  What I feel when I yell.   I feel like I need to stop whatever is happening at any cost.  If it’s a screaming kid I can yell at him to stop yelling.  If it’s two fighting boys I can get in there and fight with them about their fighting. I am really good at that.  

Is that a person I want to be?
Definitely not.

Have you ever found yourself feeling so irritable and jumpy that even the slightest misdoing by your kids sets you off?

Welcome to my world.  Big boys – 6 and 5 and the twins are 2.  Little ones are the sweetest little things and are so cute, I can just squeeze them and kiss them and show them off to every stranger who’s wiling to look.  Until they start screaming for my attention.  And I want to give it to them.   And may be that’s the problem.  The screaming gets to be too much to handle and adds to the chaos and I end up yelling.

Then there are the big boys.  On my good days I do enjoy looking into their eyes and listening to their crazy explosion or war stories and looking at their amazing lego creations.  I do really love them.  BUT then I happen to them.  I happen to myself and take some of that joy away.  

“They shouldn’t be hurting each other” I think…
“They should turn the hose off when I ask them to turn the hose off…” – makes total sense to me when I think it
“They should respond to me when I talk to them…” I go again to myself
“I shouldn’t be getting upset over it…” I start on myself
“They only hear me when I yell…” now my blood starts to boil..
“Why do they do this to me ..”  And right away I know I’m doing this to myself and it’s too late.  

I
Just
Yelled.

“Total disaster” I say to myself.
Heart full of disappointment and embarrassment.  

After apologies and kisses I am left with myself.  

‘I am worthy, 100% worthy and complete – no matter what I do’. SO my coach tells me.  

How do I see that after what I have just done?   That seems impossible.  At first I didn’t even consider it as something that could apply to me.  IF only I can stop yelling THEN I will be good enough.  

But now I am slowly opening up to the possibility that I am indeed worthy at all times, regardless of what I do and don’t do (After all I was born worthy).  I am opening up to seeing proof of that.  

If I am worthy, then …. what? 

If I don’t need to make myself better? … then what? 

IF I am already perfect just as I am… 

THEN

…Yelling doesn’t have to mean that I am failing, broken, wrong or a horrible mother …. it could mean something less dramatic…

I’ve decided to make it mean that I am learning to accept myself and the world AS is.  Right now I am fighting it with my YELLING.  But what If I just let it be? 

What if I let ME be me without any ‘shoulds’?   Then may be I can let the world around me just – be.  

Wouldn’t that feel good? 

Are you letting yourself just be?

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