May be I don't really want this.

May be I don’t really want this.

“May be I don’t really want this”
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Our brains are sooo good at coming up with excuses that work!
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Are you “not sure” if you want to start a business or write a book or do that thing you secretly want to do ?
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Sometimes you may take one step closer towards it and then get scared shitless because it’s hard and feels not so rainbowy as you imagined it.
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Then your Go back to the safe “I’m not sure”, “I need to think about it”, “i’ll do it when the time is right”, “i know I’ll do it when I’m ready”. .
That only gives you temporary relief and not the results you want.
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I have the best and the worst news for you: it never gets better !
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It will always feel this scary and shitty and nerve wrecking as it does now.
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The good news is you can start now and don’t have to wait for anything magical to happen. .
I’m doing it today, are you ?

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He used to make me SO angry!

We used to butt heads A LOT!

He is just like me in so many ways!

I used to get angry at him when he was getting angry at me or at his brothers.

“Why can’t he just be happy like his brother?” I used to think.

I used to be frustrated just thinking of picking him up from school or putting him to bed.

I wasn’t looking forward to our daily struggle.

That even sounds so strange to me when I’m writing it now because we are in such a better place today!

He hugs me whenever he can.

I am able to look at him and love him and appreciate all that he is going through and especially when he is frustrated.

He hasn’t changed one bit.

I haven’t changed one bit.

But my thinking has changed so dramatically that our relationship is completely transformed.

This is the picture from our hike on the weekend where he is hugging me and it is the best moment ever.

He also told me the other night “you’re the best” and that was a little cherry on top of how great things are now.

This type of transformation is available to you in your relationships with your partners, parents, kids or friends.

This is the best work I have ever done and I would love to share it with you !

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50% shitty and 50%amazing.

My 50/50 this weekend during camping was this:
The amazing 50 percent: Beautiful sunsets and landscape of the Dinosaur Provincial Park.  Loved watching kids climb. Doug and I really enjoyed exploring the park and watching our kids try to climb everything (well, i was freaked out a bit, but luckily no injuries).
Shitty 50%: Freezing temperatures, trying to warm up by the fire, heater, wearing winter jackets to bed, kids getting sick, leaving early.
This was our first camping trip with our little twinsies who are 3 and a half now and it was so exciting to finally be able to do almost everything with them and as a whole family of 6.
I loved watching them hike with us, sit by the fire with us and take in this nature experience for the first time.
The flip side of that was listening to their unreasonable requests for mama, tissue, not wanting to go to the toilet and just plain whining for no reason at all.
I did a fantastic job packing and prepping and planning or this trip that we didn’t forget anything and had yummy food and that made camping feel seamless and enjoyable! AND I learned I can pack the whole car ON my own. A little badass of me if I may (my husband has always packed the car and so I felt a lot of pressure to do well).
 But the flip side of that is having to do all the work even when it feels overwhelming. SO worth it.
I really wanted to check out ‘comfort camping’ at this park and since we can afford that and it is October I was excited to sleep in a bed, and not have to put up a tent. Easy, simple camping where I just have to pack food and clothes! Love it!
WELL, the flip side of that as I found out was being bitten by a mouse on a finger while I was sleeping!
THAT was shittiest part of the whole 50% and i slept in the car after that the rest of the night AND we did NOT stay the second night!
Why am I telling you about my 50/50?
Because having this concept tucked away in the back of my mind the whole weekend allowed me to enjoy the 50% that were great instead of focusing on the cold, whiny kids and the f*ing mouse!
I would love to share this concept with you in more detail and if you are interested you know where to find me!

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Yelling is not a problem, yelling is a SYMPTOM.

“I’ve been home with the kids for 4 years. I’m not sure what to do next. I would like to contribute to my family’s income. I also don’t want to go back to the job I had before I had kids. It’s almost like I’m having an identity crisis!”.
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If this is you and you are feeling frustrated, doubtful, uncertain, and nervous about your future then no wonder sometimes you take that frustration out on your kids.
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If this is you then the yelling is not your problem. What’s going on inside your brain is what needs attention.
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If this is you, I got you. I have been in your shoes and have figured it out and I have helped many women like you figure it out and feel exactly how they want to feel about their direction in life and in their career and with their family.
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If you want to stop yelling and also figure out what your next stage of life looks like I invite you to direct message me to set up a time to have a deep conversation about you and what you want for yourself in your life.

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People Pleasers are Liars!

My coach Brook Castillo says People Pleasers Are Liars.
Here’s how she explains it.

Whenever you say yes to doing something or pretend to be someone who you think “they” want you to be even thought you really don’t want to do that thing and you are not that person at all – you are lying.
You are saying “yes, I will volunteer for that lunch” even though you really don’t want to, and you say yes in hopes they will like you and approve of you.
When you say yes and you don’t mean it what happens is they may like you for it but they are actually liking the “fake” version of you that is not you at all.
The real you wants to say no!
You lie to them and at the same time you tell yourself: “ I prefer they like a pretend version of me than me liking me for who I am.” Here’s the message you send to yourself “What I think is not important, so NO to you for wanting to stay home and YES to them and their lunch.

I want their approval and I don’t want my own approval.” You neglect your wishes and opinions and you make “theirs” so much more important than they should ever be.
So next time you do something you really don’t want to do notice that you are lying about what you really want to do. Why are you lying ?
If they won’t like you for how you really feel then why would you want their approval ?

When we chase approval from others and not ourselves we are always left wanting, we are left lying about who we truly are, and the worst part is we lose all the trust in our own ability to take care of ourselves.
We know we will always sell ourselves out for the next hit of approval from a person we don’t even really know.
Are you willing to be honest and allow people to be upset with you, to not like you and to disapprove what you are doing and to gain your own approval, and trust yourself again ?
Here’s what’s true for me, it’s not only freeing to be me and tell people the truth but also it’s super fun to go against the grain. Pst , don’t tell anyone but I really do love the thrill!
If you would like to have some fun with this as well DM me and we can have a coffee and a chat!

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I’m a good/bad mom

According to my 3 year old you can be a good mama and a bad mama.
What a relief! Did you know about this? 😉

My 3 year old: “Mama, you’re a good mama.”

Me: “Really? Even after I yelled at your brother “
Him: “Yes, you was a bad mama when you yelled and now you are a good mama”


•love this picture from our summer, isn’t it the best when they nap on on your lap! ❤️❤️❤️

 

N

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Freedom from having to worry!

I made a decision once and gave myself freedom from ever having to worry about working out ever again. •

y husband and I have this ongoing joke about the workout that we do every week, once a week. •
It is only 15 mins long but super intense, it’s weight training, after which I feel like I just ran a half marathon! •
But because it is so short my husband has been calling it 6 min abs, referencing the episode in the movie “something about Mary”, scroll to see the clip. •
6 min abs brings me so much joy for these reasons :

I have freedom from ever thinking “I need to workout” because I don’t love going to the gym to hit the weights. •
I love having this freedom from ever worrying if I’m doing enough and when I will find time and it I should do and what class I should do and which trainer to pick and which body part to worry about ! •
Ugh ! Enough ! •
I never ever ever think these thoughts and for that reason alone I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE what @evolvedhealth has to offer. •
Instead I get to think “I have exercise taken care of”

”I am getting so strong!” • “ I love my 6 min abs workout !” “ I never have to worry about working out !”
• “ I can keep up with my 4 kids !” . •
Now THAT is true freedom to me, never having to worry about my body! •
After making fun of my workouts my husband ended up joining me and now he comes home saying how hard they are! So fun! •
If you hate going got the gym but would like to be strong and fit I would highly recommend trying this out!!

P.S. if you feel that way about life, you wish you could do something and never worry about it let me introduce you to coaching, I look at coaching the same way I do at doing this exercise- I have a weekly session that sets me up for my week and I know I have my mental health covered. If you want to feel in control of your life and also make it amazing then I invite you to sign up for a free session with me to find out how I can make that happen for you.

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You can’t change your worthiness

My kid came home from school yesterday and said “ mama, did you know there’s nothing special ?”
I said what do you mean ? He said “the only thing that’s special is us”
I asked him how does he know that. He said his teacher told him that at the fire drill. If you want to save something special then you just save yourself she said.
He was so pleased with himself and 200% certain In these facts, like 1+1=2.
He didn’t have any doubts or he wasn’t even amazed, he was just certain that that’s how the world is.
Kids sure do know how special they are.
Those same kids grow up and forget that and start to look for somebody to do or say something to them so they can feel okay about themselves.
I coach my clients on this all the time.
And those are not direct request to be acknowledged as special.
These specific little examples of how sneaky this can be.
“If only so and so asked for their advice then they would know they are important.”
“If I’m doing as much or more than others the I am doing enough.”
“If my vacations are just as nice and often as others then I am doing it right.”

“If only I had a tight group of friends than I would not be missing out.” .
I have to remind my clients again and again that things and results and people out there can never ever create the feeling of satisfaction for them.

The only way to feel worthy, satisfied, good enough is by deciding that you already ARE.
Your thoughts about you will create that feeling for you.
That’s it.
And guess what, you have my full permission to think all of them before any of that stuff happens, regardless of what happens.
So, if you ARE special regardless of what you do or don’t do – now what ?
What struggles can you let go of ?

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Drop all your ‘shoulds’.

I heard Natalie Clay say that on her podcast and I loved it! I completely agree.

Whenever I notice myself thinking I “should” do or be something I always know to question it.

The “ I should” is basically saying “I wish I was different than I am” or “they should” is saying “I wish they were different than they actually are”.

What if you give yourself permission to not do the should or be whoever you think you should be and see what is actually there.
You will be pleasantly surprised.

There will be a relief and an opening up to what IS.
What is left is a lot of what you could and want to be and could and want to do.
What “shoulds” do you want to let go of?

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Time to celebrate!!

This week I hosted a dinner for all the beautiful ladies who volunteered to be coached by me!

I am so thankful to them for being open and trusting me with their problems and dreams. Getting to know them has been life changing for me.
Seeing them go through difficulties in life and breakthroughs in their careers and health and relationships has been such an honour!
I am so grateful for the opportunity I had and still have today to be part of their life.
And also – it super fun for me !

I love love love all the stuff that comes with this job (yes even all the behind the scenes drama of doubt and failure) and so I am having so much fun doing it.
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Each of these women said yes to me and that has been life changing for me.

Natalia

 

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