What is his job?

What is his job?

I’m going to bed. It’s just my husband and I in our first house before we had kids and we just finished watching one of the shows we love. My husband says “I’ll be right up.”
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I know what this “right up”means. It means he’s going to stay up for another hour and I will have to go to sleep on my own. This is not what I pictured a marriage to look like. We are supposed to go upstairs together, brush our teeth together, read books in bed together and then snuggle up and go to sleep together. Isn’t this what every marriage should look like?
Many years pass when I’m learning about relationships and how our spouses job is only to be there so we can love them.
My whole world changes in that moment.

What? His job is not to make me happy by going to bed at the same time as me?
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I can just let him be him and I can take care of me? .
In fact the only way I can ever be happy is by thinking thoughts that create that for me ? .
He can’t do that for me?
Why hasn’t anyone told me that before ?
I would’ve loved to know that when we got married!
Would’ve saved me years of feeling lonely and fighting !
His only job is to be there so I can love him.
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I sincerely love it when he comes to bed now later than I am. I am reminded that I have a husband and I am happy he is here. That’s all I need. Our relationship is not all perfect but that part is.
P.S. Are you thinking “but, but, but… then I won’t need anyone if that’s the case … how does that work?” It works beautifully. Imagine not needing anything from your husband and being happy to see him, how would that feel ??? Let me help you get there sooner and cheaper !

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It’s Okay to want what you want!

What if you can just be happy with what you have AND want more? And it’s okay to want more ? And you don’t need a reason or justification for wanting it. You can just want it because you want it. That’s it. Because it’s fun and you want to experience it.
Enjoy what you have AND get more of what you want .)

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You can’t feel other people’s love.

Did you know you can’t feel other people’s love?
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I know it’s crazy but also amazing!! .
Here is how it works.
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Your kid says “I love you mama” with his puppy eyes. .
You don’t feel anything until you think “aaaawe he really loves me”.
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Thinking this creates a feeling of love for you. .
I know this is the exact opposite of what we have all been taught all our life. We have been taught that others can make you happy and others can make you upset. When we believe this we are only left trying to change what others say or do. This doesn’t really work, or works but only short term, until the next time when it doesn’t.
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So I want you to consider me being right about this. .
This could be true. .
What would it mean for you if it was?
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For me it means that’s I can feel loved any time I want by thinking “they really love me”. .
I can feel appreciated by thinking “they appreciate what I do.”
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And when they say mean things like “I hate you mommy” I am the one who picks to think “ what a silly kid, he loves me!”. .
What if your thought really created your feeling for you? Regardless of what others do or say? How would your life change?
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P.S. but, but, but … I bet you have a perfect example for me where this is not true ! Bring it to me and I would love to work it through with you and see what we find out! Challenge me! And best of all your life might never be the same… message me to sign up for a free session where we can discuss all of it !!! .

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Failure is just a feeling

I said I will do something and I didn’t. That’s the math of the situation. .
The drama of the situation is I feel like a failure. .
Separate the math and the drama. Math is always simple and neutral. Drama is always charged and dramatic lol:) .
The morning fight with your kid: Math : he said words and I said words.
Drama: I’m a terrible mom. .
Drama is drama. Let it be dramatic but don’t let it fool you by believing that it’s true.
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You are a good mom and you know it. At least 78% of the time. .

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Let what’s true be true

“If we beat ourselves up for our truth it’s like an assault.
Just let what’s true be true.”

-Brooke Castillo

So often I notice myself getting frustrated with myself because of what’s true for me.

I see the same with my clients and friends.

It feel terrible and keeps us stuck in the loop where we can’t change anything. .
So how can you break out of that cycle?

Start with where you are by asking yourself – what is true for me now?
And can I just let that be true for the next hour, for the next day, for the next week, without trying to change it.
Give yourself a pause, a break from feeling bad about it. .
You can always come back to beating yourself up over it. That’ll always be there for you.

P.S. Are you afraid that if you finally stop being frustrated with what you are doing then you will never improve? Let me show you how the exact opposite is true, simply dm message me and we can set up a time to talk!
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Slouching = failure, obviously!

New year, new homework from my life coach.

I sit down to write.

Here is what I find out.

I believe I am tired, i am convinced I do things half-ass and I definitely slouch.

Not only do I believe the thoughts above but I think them on repeat, many times a day and feel terrible about myself.

I believe tired is bad for my energy in business, half-ass produces low quality work and slouching is just so bad so I obviously will be unsuccessful.(that one really made me laugh, slouching, really?) Now what?

My usual reaction used to be to try to replace the not serving thoughts with these serving thoughts: ‘I feel energized’, ‘I do things well’ and ‘I have great posture’.

But this time that is not what I did.

Instead of trying to replace well trained beliefs in my head I gave them a different meaning. 

I knew trying to get rid of them wouldn’t do the trick, so here’s what I decide to make it mean.

Being tired is an indicator of greatness, I had a great day laying it all out there in work and at home. I am amazing. ( and by the way I do believe that, that’s an important piece to make this work).

I do half-ass work but THAT Is what makes me so amazing because I DON’T have the perfectionist in me paralyzing me with fear. BECAUSE of my low standards I am ABLE to help people today, every day!  Now that is amazing!

And finally I decided that slouching is something that people love when they look at me because I am human and not perfect, I am relatable.   And that made me feel so much better about my posture, I don’t have to fight it any more.

I found this exercise extremely powerful and liberating.

I highly recommend this for you and your BIG obstacle beliefs.

Instead of changing them give them a different meaning!

I’m so happy to be back here with you guys! Hope your holidays were 50% great:)

Happy Monday !!!

Natalia

P.S. Does this speak to you but you don’t know quiet where to begin? That is what I am here for, to help you identify those BIG, recurring beliefs and help you make friends with them in order to start doing what you need to be doing to have the life you want!   It is simple and hard. But we can all do hard things!   I have helped people do that in as little as 15 minutes, on our first free session.  I can help you do the same, just email me back and we can talk.

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Entitlement

I had a total tantrum yesterday, in my head, and then later at my husband, about the same thing.

I was so frustrated with finding and figuring out a template for my ebook!
I expected it to be easy, fast and fun!
How wrong was I!!!
It was harder for me than writing a book!!!!
I was wrong.
This wasn’t supposed to be easy or fun or fast.
I’ve never done it before and I had to spend time figuring it out.
I was wrong.
It felt so, so bad.
After all I wrote a book and I deserve to be happy and everything work smoothly because I am so amazing.
How wrong was I.
Even grown ups have tantrums and are completely wrong.
Entitlement creates suffering.
I was entitled to an easy process and I screwed myself over with it.
Next time you freak out, you can ask yourself what are you feeling entitled to? Why?
When you don’t get what you want but you think you deserve it, do you lose your shit in your head and may be act it out too? Just like a 3 year old?
It’s totally okay:)
See it for what it is.
We are allowed.
Noticing my own thinking saved me DAYS or may be even weeks of dwelling on this and complaining and not working on it.
I noticed it, acknowledged it and moved on.
Hope this helps you recognize where this shows up in your life! Have a great day!
Natalia
P.S. Thinking this doesn’t apply to you? It may not be as obvious as a 3 year old tantrum, it may look like this “I don’t have time for this!” Or “he should’ve known” or “nobody appreciates what I do” , these are all tantrums in our heads, feeling entitled to time, understanding and appreciation. And I agree that those would be lovely but when we don’t get them, being upset about it doesn’t help!  I can help you create time, understanding and appreciation for yourself, regardless of what others do! If you are even a little bit curious you must come talk to me! It will change your life!!!

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I love all humans.

“I love all humans.” My coach says that sometimes.

That is why I think she is so successful.
I notice it when I judge people.
I notice how it’s preventing me from connecting with them and helping them.
I notice it when I am able to connect and love all of the human experience I am able to help on such a deeper level.
Good news is that human experience include judgment!
So there you go, even when we judge we are still lovable:)
Happy Wednesday everyone!
Love you all!
Natalia
P.S. Did you know I can help you love your judgmental side? yep. Email me back and we can chat!

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“I know what to do but when the times comes to do it I just don’t do it.”

“I know what to do but when the times comes to do it I just don’t do it.”

You don’t do it because you are reacting to your feelings in that moment.

And in the moment you will never want to do what it is you decided you need to do.

So here’s how I do it, I anticipate that I won’t want to do it and I commit to keeping my word to myself and doing it anyways.

That is how I get everything done and how I get all my goals achieved.

I decided to write a book this year and I did! I am editing it right so it is ready for Dec. 31st!

I decided to become a life coach and I did.

I decided to coach 30 people this year and I will, I helped 28 people so far!

We could be celebrating your goals at the end of next year, which you were able to achieve simply by honouring your word to yourself and doing things despite feeling negative emotion!!!!

What would it mean for you to try?

What would it mean for you to not try?

P.S. Will you be one of those 2 people I help this month?
its very simple, you email me back and we schedule a chat over phone, all it takes is 60 minutes during your lunch break or after kids are in bed.  Are you in?

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What Worked Well, always goes first

What worked well. WWW

My coach has me do evaluations of my coaching sessions with my clients.

Before I get into what didn’t work well I always start with what worked well.

This has been so powerful for me to do on coaching, networking events, tennis tournaments and now that I’m seeing the results of it I must share it with you as I think its an amazing tool for life.

Since our brain always wants to criticize and dwell on what we did wrong, we can simply do the process of WWW ( what went well) first and then do the WDW (what didn’t work).

To finish it off we always do the What Do Differently next time.

This allows me to remember the whole picture of my progress, I am learning a skill here and it takes many tries to learn all the different aspects of it.

Without the big picture it’s so easy to get lost in the current fail and just drop attempting it all together.

I have the main picture in mind and I also take the emotion out of it.

I evaluate it from a mechanical point of it, where there is no judgement if the machine didn’t do the right thing. Machine can be trained.

By doing the What Worked Well first I am forcing myself to look at the whole picture of my performance and not just what I messed up.

Some of you are working on taking better care of yourself or being nicer to your family member or losing weight or making money.

Each one of those consists of many different situations in life that can be evaluated just as I described above.

I don’t suggest you do the process but I did bring up this example so you can remember the big picture of you learning a skill each time you ‘fail’ or under perform in whatever goal you are working on now.

Hope this makes your Monday just a bit softer and gives yourself just a bit more compassion and patience that you would love.

Have a great day guys!

Natalia

P.S. If this is they type of help you like to get when going after your 2020 goal then I can do that for you:) Email me back and we can discuss it this week over a coffee. Looking forward to hearing form you!

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