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IT’S ALL ABOUT THE ROUTINE

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WHY AREN’T I THERE YET?

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So often I see people (and myself!) getting really frustrated because they are not seeing the results they want, in either themselves or in their businesses.

What a frustrating time!

During my tennis lesson yesterday I was practicing serving.

You may already know this, but in tennis you need to get the ball in the service box in order to play the point.

Of course, I was celebrating every time I got it in the box… which was not that often.

So I asked my coach whether I should be focusing on that yet.

He explained that I shouldn’t at this point.

So what should I be looking for as a of sign of a successful serve if not the end result???

He said I needed to focus on my ability to EXECUTE the new skill.

This means focus on how you line up your feet, toss the ball, and swing the way my coach showed I’m supposed to.

Execute EACH STEP to learn the new skill of serving. THIS should be my only focus now, not the end result.

When we first start a big venture, we know it will take a lot of work before we see the results.

A few months pass, and although we have put in all that hard work, will power, and stubbornness we are not as far along as we expected to be.  We start feeling frustrated.  “It’s been long enough, why don’t I see any results yet?”

The answer is, it’s just too early!  You need to keep going, no matter what.  Focus on your execution, and the results will come.

We often want to see the results way before we are producing them and that can cause a lot of pain!

I find it helpful to work on loving the process.  The process of executing the new skill I am learning (writing, public speaking, marketing, cooking…)

Even when I’m not loving it.

This is it.  It won’t get better than this.

Even when you do start to see the results, you will still have to keep working on it.

SO…. the best way to ensure you achieve your desired result, is to work on loving the process.

The more you love the process, the easier it is to love the process.

I work on loving losing to my husband when we play a game of tennis.

I love seeing my little wins, while still losing the match.
I know I’m getting better each day.
The results will come, and I’m already having fun learning.

Don’t focus on the results.
Whether it’s in business or working to improve yourself, focus on executing each step of your plan and the results will come!!!

I promise!

Natalia

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Use Your Fear

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THE POWER OF ONCE A WEEK

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How do I start working out 3 times a week?

How do I learn to play tennis, squash, skating or any other sport you want to pick up?

How do I build a closer connection with my spouse or kids?

How do I take better care of myself?

I believe it all starts with a teeny, tiny plan to do it ONCE a week!

Once a week for 52 weeks is 52 times more than intending to do it 3 times a week and never getting to it AT ALL!!

But you knew that already.

So why can’t you commit to that short 10 min workout every week?

First, you might think “What’s the point in doing it for 10 min?  That won’t make a difference!”.

OH, but it will!..

Granted, the benefit of working out for 10 min may not train your body to accomplish all your fitness goals.  But, it is training your brain to follow through on the plan you put in place.
THAT is everything!

Once your brain knows there is no escape when there’s a plan, then you can increase your workout time, and increase the number of times you do it in a week when and if you choose.

The way I discovered once a week is by sitting down with my good friend for a coffee and saying how overwhelmed I was with my schedule, week, to do list, self care or lack of, kids activities, you name it.

She said, “It’s simple, you sit down and plan your week. One day – one activity.”

Work out once a week – check, Mondays.

Writing a blog – once a week, check.

Errands – once a week – check.

Twins activity – 2 mornings a week – check.

Etc, you get the point.

I know what some of you are thinking, “that’s not possible when you work all day!”
But it is very possible! Everyone can fit in a 10 min errand stop, a 30 min haircut or a 20 min walk on the way home from work or during lunch hour.
That’s all it takes!!!

Of course that’s not all that’s planned for the day.
You still have your daily activities that need no planning for the majority of the day.
But the hour or two you have unspoken for are now already pre-planned, so you never have to think about it again!  Goodbye overwhelm!

Every weekday can be pretty much the same every week, because you planned to do your workouts on Monday, errands on Tuesday, appointments on Wednesday, etc.
You don’t have to guess what to do when, it’s already all decided.
Of course, if something comes up you change your plans accordingly. For example you can move your errands if you have a work dinner, but definitely not skip gym if you don’t feel like it.

Let me tell you how much more freedom that gives you!
I bet some of you are thinking what a nightmare it would be to have every day, every week pre-planned to be the same – what a crazy idea! But the opposite is true –  thinking ahead takes care of things and you end up with way more time on your hands to do stuff that’s actually yours.

If you can imagine – all your jobs are done, even the self care items like workouts and massages, hair cuts and small errands – ALL of it gets the time it’s OWED and nothing is lagging.
You don’t feel overwhelmed, you feel ahead because YOU made the effort to give each item the time of day.
You have the freedom of time and mind to then do what you please with the leftover time.
And you WILL have time left over when you see how efficient you get!

Not only do you have zero stress about your schedule, or when the “to do” list will get done, but you also ensure you take care of all your priorities when you do your initial planning.
By that I mean, if it’s important to you to work out at least once a week, then you pre plan that time.
If it’s important to you that you and your spouse have a date night once a week, you also pre plan that.
Activities that usually get missed, or de prioritized, will be the ones you consciously schedule into your week, and every other week after that.
Works like a dream!
Try it!

You’ll discover a more relaxed, excited, laid back and in control version of yourself.
You’ll be able to give a better version of yourself to your family because you’ve planned ahead and gave yourself the rest and care you need.

If you have an impossible goal, a dream, a wish list, ask yourself this:
“What can I do once a week towards that goal? In a 10-60 min block each week?”
You will get excited when you imagine how much closer you’ll be towards your goal at the end of that year!!!
Not to mention how amazing you’ll be at keeping your commitments to YOURSELF.

I’m so excited for you!!!

Natalia

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What do you say to your son when he’s scared?

pablo (5)Mama, I’m scared”  – said my 5 year old during bedtime last night.

The lights were off, it was dark and he says he always feels scared when it’s dark.
This is a new development for him.
My first reaction was to fix it right away, make him feel better, convince him there’s nothing to be scared of.
My child feels scared ! Oh no!  Something is wrong and I want to fix it!

But, wait a minute.  Nothing is in fact wrong here.

What’s wrong with feeling scared?

Instead of doing any of the above I simply said, you are scared and it’s okay.   If after I leave you feel scared, you can repeat this to yourself ‘ I am scared and that’s okay.

After all I want to teach my son that FEELINGS are for FEELING and not for FIXING.

What a relief for me as a parent.  Nothing has gone wrong here.
I don’t to have to change how he’s feeling.
In fact, I can use this as a chance to teach him and remind myself that we don’t need to be fixing our feelings all the time.
We should not be afraid to just feel them.
This especially applies to negative feelings.

We somehow got this incorrect idea that we should be happy all of the time.
If we are upset, angry, disappointed, outraged, we must be doing something wrong.
But what I want to suggest is that we allow for that contrast in our life in order to feel the good/happy moments AS the happy moments.
Without the contrast we wouldn’t feel the happiness.
I know this is obvious but we often forget that when we argue with our negative emotions.

When tragedy strikes, someone dies or is harmed – how do we want to feel about that? We don’t want to feel happy about that.
In fact, we DO want to feel sad or upset about that.
That is the contrasting, negative emotion of our life.
We need to allow it to be there without trying to change it.

When we resist our negative emotions we feel even worse.

I’ve recently started practicing this trick which helps a lot.
Whenever I feel anything negative I name that feeling to myself.

If I feel irritable, I say to myself: “I am irritable”.

This forces me to first become aware of what I’m feeling. Second, by naming the feeling I stop RESISTING it which feels so much better than resisting being irritable.
Talk about making it worse!
Try being not irritable when you are irritable!
Boom, Mama looses her sh*t!

So, you can do the same with any emotion: pain, disappointment, shame, discouragement, etc.
You name it, and repeat it to yourself without any judgement.
It relieves any resistance towards it and helps you to process it, which ultimately makes that negative feeling leave much sooner than if you  resist it.
If you are having trouble naming your emotion, another way of handling it is by trying to locate it in your body and describing how it feels – chest tight, stomach, hot…

Bringing your attention to it lessens it’s effect.
It’s like a crying child asking for your attention .
As soon as you acknowledge him/her, the child is less upset.
They know they’ve been heard. Same with your emotions!

Take care of yourselves my friends!

Natalia

Kids Art You Don’t Love!

FULL TRANSCRIPT OF THE VIDEO:

Hello my friends!!

I’ve recently been asked this question – How do I organize my kids art?

I have a 7 and a 5 year old who keep bringing paintings home.  The two year twins aren’t old enough yet but I am ready for when they do.   

So I have a system that I absolutely LOVE ! and I want to share it with you!

It’s very simple!

IF I like it – goes on the fridge!

IF I love it – goes on the wall!

IF I don’t like – I recycle it.

And I explain the same thing to my kids. we do regular purges in their rooms where I go through their stuff and ask them “do you still like this?” And “do you still use it?” and for the most part they get it – they donate whatever they don’t use anymore.  So even my kids are on board!!!

This approach frees me from thinking about bins and folders, where to store them, how to organize it for each kids etc.

It provides me with space and time in my life to do stuff that I love.  And that is why I wanted to share it with you.

I challenge you to get rid of kids art you don’t love and anything else in your house and your life that you don’t LOVE or don’t USE anymore. Try it and you will love having more free time and a less cluttered home!!!

Thank you and Talk to you next week!!

What drives yours ACTIONS?

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Full Transcript of the Audio:

Hello my friends!

Welcome to my first audio blog!

I’m so excited to talk to you today and we are talking about Actions!!!

What fuels your actions? Have you ever wondered why you just can’t make it to the gym sometimes or why you keep yelling at the kids?
Well I’m here to tell you that all your actions are driven by what you are feeling.

For example! Me recording this audio is an action.  This action is fuelled by my feeling of determination.  I feel determined to record it and my actions are doing everything I can to get it done.

Another example of an action is Inaction.  For me it was procrastination with this recording.  I was stuck in INaction for 3, 4 weeks before recording it.
  Why was I doing that? Because the feeling fuelling my INAction was FEAR.
  Why was I feeling scared?
  Because my thought about it was : “This is terrifying, I’ve never done it before, I might sounds stupid”.
  SO as soon as I figured out that I was procrastinating I put this model into action.  I switched my thoughts to “I will get it done no matter what” and here I am recording it.

This is super useful to know if you want to achieve your goals! If you are a mom who is dying to stop yelling at her kids you can apply this to your actions.

The first thing you ask yourself is What FEELING is driving my action?

Lets say you feel HELPLESS when you yell.

Next question you ask yourself is What am I THINKING that’s creating my feeling of HELPLESSness ?

Your answer could be “THEY Never listen to me!”

Now you have figured out that you are yelling not because of your kids but because you are feeling helpless.

What’s causing you to feel this way is your thought “THEY NEVER LISTNE TO ME!”

This is so powerful to know for you that YOUR ACTION IS determined by your thoughts!!!!! And NOT by your kids!!!

Your kids are not responsible for you feeling helpless .  You ARE! This is the best news ever because  it gives you all your power back and now we can figure out how to act in a way that makes you proud of yourself.

If you want to be calm with your kids you need to ask yourself a question – what do I need to be feeling in order to be calm?

You may decide you want to feel calm or peaceful.

Then we ask – what do I need to THINK in order to feel CALM??

I’ve decided to think  “I’m in control of myself, they are doing exactly what they need to be doing.”   So this thought creates a feeling of calm and drives an action of NOT yelling.

So there you have it, whatever type of CALM MOM you want to be  – you can simply pick a feeling and a thought to go along with it and practice it! It won’t come natural at first.  It may feel awkward and uncomfortable but if you keep on practicing you will get better and better at it.

In fact You can apply this to any action you would like to take and figure out the emotion behind it that you need.   And then pick one thought you need to think in order to feel that way.  And Practice, Practice, Practice!

So I hope you find this useful and apply it in your own life.

Thanks for listening!

Talk to you next week!

Thoughts create your feelings, did you know that?

 

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Over two years ago, when my twins were born, it was a very busy time for us.  

As our family grew to 6 people, the demand for my attention also grew.  This is no news to any parent.  Mothers of multiple kids know this really well.  

And so i had to adjust to being constantly pulled in a million directions. 

A year later with the twins becoming more independent, I  started to gain my freedom back.  I could leave the twins with our helper and take the big boys to school, or just take some time for myself to recharge.  I could have her babysit and do any of the jobs around the house that needed to be done.

That year I also felt a nagging feeling of something being wrong all the time.
Going through my life everything seemed to be right on paper, so why did i keep feeling guilty, or just not right?

I’ve tried solving this many different ways, trying to figure out the perfect formula for how much time to give to the twins, the big boys, myself, my husband, the house.  Nothing seemed to work.  I was stuck.

What helped me get out of that funk was narrowing down my focus to ONE thought.  One sentence that was making me feel that way.  On repeat.  Always there in the background: “I should be doing something else”.  

If I was taking care of the twins then I would think I should be leaving them with the helper and running errands, or taking care of myself. 
If I was running errands or taking the big boys somewhere, I would think “I should be with the twins now”.  There was no winning in my head.
Whatever I was doing, I felt I should be doing something else.

The reason i’m sharing this long story with you is because the answer to my struggle was finding that one culprit thought that was causing me all the pain. 

My life circumstance was : i have 4 kids.
The thought about it was: “i’m never doing the right thing”.
That thought created a feeling of being not good enough.

No wonder i found such relief in coaching myself and choosing a better belief for myself.  

What I chose was: 

“I am exactly where I want to be, doing exactly what I want and need to be doing”.

I spent months walking around practicing it in my head, and slowly my life became to fall under that premise. 
It was a lot of work and it was also great. 
I began to trust myself more.

My decisions started to mean more to me.

 I was able to enjoy my babies and my big kids without feeling guilty that I’m not doing jobs. 

I could do my errands, or take some me time without feeling guilty that I wasn’t taking care of my babies at that moment. 

Guilt free parenting?  For me, the difference between that and guilty parenting was what I chose to think.

I felt guilty all the time because I kept this one sentence on loop – I should be doing something else now.  I felt free and started enjoying the moment by changing my sentence to “I’m doing exactly what I need to be doing now”.

Thoughts create your feelings.  Negative thoughts will create negative feelings.

What feelings are you carrying around with you all the time that you can’t shake?
Finding that one belief that’s causing the feeling is your first step to feeling better. 
What is that one thought for you?
Is it serving you?
What can you change it to, and are you willing to be uncomfortable to get there?

Thoughts create your feelings.  Did you know that?

Natalia

What to do when you did everything WRONG?!

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In Life Coaching we have this concept of circumstances being completely neutral.

Our thoughts about those neutral circumstances make them good or bad.

For example:

Last time I used this to get me out of trouble, here’s how I did it:

After meeting with a friend for a coffee I spent the whole day beating myself up for what I said, how I said it, etc.

So the trick to feeling better is this.  You write down the facts and only the facts of what happened.  Facts everyone would agree on.

And in this case it looked like this:

Me: blah blah blah

Them: blah blah blah

Me: blah blah blah

Them: blah blah

You get the point.

The facts are only what has been said in that conversation.

When I wrote it down – I didn’t see any negative remarks there, i saw only what was said.

Looking at the facts on paper, I heard the voice in my head:

“what you said was so weird”

“oh you sounded so ESL in this part”

“why were you talking so fast? They thought you are a fool for saying that!”

All of those were my own thoughts about what I had said.  They were not part of the circumstance.  But I was getting so upset with myself as if they were the TRUTH!

By writing down the facts i was able to see that was getting me so stressed out was my own thoughts about it and not the facts!!!

Once I saw that I couldn’t help but question – why would I CHOOSE to think this?

Nothing more powerful than separating the facts from your thoughts.   

So if you ever find yourself spinning out about something that happened in the past – strip it down to the bare minimum.

Take away the drama. Leave the facts.

And see that what’s causing you to feel a certain way is not the facts but the way you are choosing to think about them!

Circumstances are neutral.  We have a thought about that circumstance which makes it positive or negative.

Yes, even the most horrible things in life are neutral until we have a thought about them.  And I’m not suggesting that we make them mean something wonderful.  Rape, death and murder are some of the circumstances we WANT to feel horrible about.  But they are still neutral.
Stay with me here.
I know you must be thinking I am nuts here but I’ve experienced the effects of this so many times, I’m excited to share it with you!

Let’s say the news are broadcasting this horrible school shooting and you are watching it at work all day.
Every time they give you an update you have a thought: “this is horrific, this shouldn’t be happening, poor kids and their parents… “ on and on you go.
This causes you to feel extremely upset.

Here’s another scenario where you work in a place without TVs.
You are busy doing your job and you don’t hear the news until you are on your way home.  The whole day while you were at work and didn’t hear the news – you were thinking regular thoughts just like any other day.
And you felt fine.
Even thought there was a horrible shooting going on that day.
You weren’t upset because you didn’t know about it yet.   Once you found out then you got upset.  You felt upset because when you heard the news you had thoughts that caused you to feel upset.

If the event of school shooting was horrible in it’s own fact – wouldn’t everyone feel horrified at the same time no matter where they were.
The event happened, it is horrible, we are all upset.
No, it doesn’t work that way.
WE 
make the event negative with our thoughts about it.

The same way the shooter has different thoughts and feelings about the same event.  His experience of it is not the same as anyone elseS. WHY? Because he has different thoughts about it.  Why? I don’t think we’ll ever know that.

But the point is this – no matter what the facts are – they are always 100 percent neutral UNTIL we have a thought about them.
And the thought we choose is what determines how we feel about that event! 

Until next time when we will dive in to the feelings caused by our thoughts! FUN!

Natalia S.

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