Do it anyways

Do it anyways

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Happy Tuesday ya’ll!

As you may know Tuesdays are my day off and today was a special edition day off!

I had a photoshoot session this morning for my new business.  My friend Andrea was so generous with her time and spent the morning taking professional pictures of me.

We had a great time as we always do, with lots of dress changes, scenery and goofing around.   We wrapped up the morning with a lunch and a coffee and our favourite pass time of talking about business, coaching, life and more business.

The day didn’t start out on such a high note though and that’s why i’m telling you this story.

I did not feel like doing the photoshoot AT ALL.

Tired, moody, demotivated and other things i won’t bore you with.

All i wanted to do was stay home and go back to bed.

But I know better than to listen to that urge now.

I did go back and forth in my head about canceling or rescheduling and blaming it on the forecast.

Then something happened that perked me right up.

“Do it anyway…” the voice said.

I have recently seen my own coach post about that and so it floated up in my head when i needed it most.

You see i would never get anything done if i listened to that voice in my head all the time. Sure you know the voice i’m talking about.

So easy to listen to that voice when it’s something like driving kids to school ( of course i will drive them even if i don’t feel like it.)

But when it comes to going for our dreams, creating something of value, doing something that we don’t have to do at all – then is super easy to listen to the voice and believe its sound reason.

“The forecast calls for rain – reschedule for sure!”

“No, we are doing it anyway!”

And the day turned out beautiful, mostly sunny with no rain.

 

So my friends, whatever it is you want and planned to do  – do it anyway, do it even if you don’t feel like it, even if the circumstances are not perfect. Because you know what, an ‘imperfect – done’ is better than a ‘perfect – never started’.

 

Natalia

 

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What if the it’s all rigged in OUR favour?

What if we believed that the universe is working for us?

Would we try to manipulate what others think about us?

Would we worry so much that what others think about us is true or untrue?

Would we be afraid that others think something horrible about us?

Would we change how we show up in a way that would ensure that others think great things about us?

 

What if we assumed others ALREADY think amazing things about us?

What would that be like for us?

Would we agree?

If not, why not?

If we agree then what do we get to think and feel?

“I’m amazing”.

Feel amazing!

Show up as your best self and think of giving as there’s nothing that you need from anyone.

You are whole and complete no matter what.

How fun would that be?

Try that on.

Have a beautiful Monday everyone!

 

Natalia

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“True Belonging is Not Fitting In.” – Brené Brown

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“True Belonging is not fitting in.” -Brene Brown.

I must admit that when my friend asked me to write about this quote I didn’t quite get it.
Which is now so exciting because it took me a while to think on it and really internalize the meaning.
If I was to explain it super simply I would say this:  When I tried to fit in I was agreeing with everyone and everything and now that I belong I speak what’s on my mind.
I’m not afraid of what others will think.
When I tried fitting in I was constantly scared of doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing.
By trying to fit in I felt so lost.
I felt exhausted.
I felt out of control.
Now I allow other people to be wrong about me.
I KNOW what I believe.
I have strong beliefs and I share them.
I am at peace with what I think and what others think.
That feeling of peace is the sense of belonging.
That full permission to be yourself, to say exactly what you think and assume you will be accepted.
P.S.Have you thought about what brings you peace and a sense of belonging? Or does its seem like a distant mirage that is drowned in anxiety and overwhelm? Let me help you find what yo believe in and find your sense of belonging? I promise you it is worth the work and life changing! Simply email me back and say “I’M IN!”.
 
Natalia 

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Why you should manage your mind!

 

58205107278__7152E222-A839-4BF9-9B54-DCEC42AF3D64I have a good one for you this week!!!

Do you ever scroll through Instagram or FB and see a picture of a friend with her friend, smiling, posing, dressed up?
We have all been through that loop of comparison, jealousy and beating ourselves up over not having it as awesome as them.
The reason I’m brining it up is because this week I had an amazing example of what this exact experience can be like when you work on managing your mind.
Earlier in the week I had coached one of my clients on this exact scenario.  The person was being sucked in by all the comparing, feeling not good enough, self loathing, jealousy etc.  After we had that conversation I went on with my week.
2 days later I was scrolling through facebook and came across a picture of my life coach posing with one of her students. Smiling, happy, at a retreat in a beautiful place.
Immediately I thought that I wanted to be the one hanging out with my mentor, whom I adore, not taking kids to soccer.  I felt so down and frustrated.
What happened next was simply a result of all the work I’ve done on myself: I noticed I was doing it and quickly snapped out of it. It only took a few minutes, that’s it.
I should be exactly where I am: taking kids to soccer.  How do I know this to be true? The reason I know it should be this way is because IT IS!” When you stop arguing with reality, life gets easier.
NOW in my eyes this is a huge difference in how I handled this situation compared to how I used to handle it 2 years ago.
Managing our mind changes our lives.  This worked saved me hours, and probably days of feeling bad about myself, my life, my activities, my everything.  How fantastic is that?
This is WHY I am such a proponent of working on our brain and owning our feelings and thoughts.
Even though my brain goes to the negative as a default (just like the rest of us), I am so aware of what it’s doing and skilled at directing it that it is almost effortless now to not get sucked into the petty bs, and therefore have the life free of comparison and full of inspiration.
P.S.
Have you thought about what you think about when you scroll through social media? 
If you haven’t and would like to learn how not to be triggered by the picture perfect social media world I would love to show you how.  
Simply email me back.  
If you find this email helpful please forward it to someone who you think can benefit from this information. 
Thank you!
Natalia

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What is Self-Confidence?

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It is the ability and willingness to feel any feeling.

You are self-confident if you are not afraid to feel

• fear
• failure
• embarrassment
• humiliation
• isolation

What is the worst that can happen in life?

– death
– loss
– humiliation
– divorce
– decease
– rejection
– embarrassment

 

What makes those things bad for us?

The only way they are bad for us is through our feelings about them.

When they happen we feel pain, loss, humiliation, hurt, fear.

We are afraid we will be permanently damaged if these things happen.

That is not true.

If we are willing and able to process any feeling and stay with it as long as needed we will come out stronger and more confident on the other end.

That is all that’s required of us: to be willing to feel any feeling.

When we avoid ‘life’ because we are avoiding feeling horrible we think we are doing what’s best for us.

We think we are being safe, smart by choosing what’s predictable, comfortable and familiar.

What in fact happens is we are having doubts about ourselves.

We don’t know if we can handle what happens to us.

We are not sure if we can handle losing a close one, getting divorced, going for that promotion and being rejected.

When we are having self doubt we are creating the opposite of self-confidence.

What is your opinion of yourself and is it creating self-confidence or self-doubt?

 

P.S. If you want to know more about self-confidence schedule a one on one session with me and we can uncover your current beliefs about yourself and create new ones which will create the new confident you! Email me at natalia@coachingnatalia.com to schedule a time that works for you! Are you in ?

 

Natalia

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Embarrassing Husband?

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Photo by Leah Kelley on Pexels.com

Good Morning Everybody!

A friend of mine asked me the other day: “How would you react if your husband would do something socially embarrassing or unacceptable? What do you think?”

My answer is this.

If I thought that my husband was embarrassing I would go home, take a piece of paper out and coach myself because I know that ’embarrassing’ exists only in my head. I would come out of that with curiosity and compassion. ( yes, in a perfect world i would do that all the time, but truthfully 9/10 times i am successful at it and can do that even in my head, not that my husband is ever embarrasing, but with other things).

Embarrassing is debatable. How do you measure it so we can all agree? What exactly does it look like?

What i would consider embarrassing, someone else wouldn’t.

It is an opinion.

In reality what probably happened was that my husband said some ‘words’.

It was then up to me to interpret the words in a way that serves me or in a way that DOESN’T serve me.

Sure, i can probably find 10 people who would agree with me and i would feel justified in feeling this way.

I would have solid evidence that it is in fact embarrassing, etc.

BUT what really matters here is ‘DOES IT REALLY SERVE ME ?”

What’s the upside of thinking that it was embarrassing??

EVEN if it’s true??

Let’s say you go down that road, and Have a ‘conversation’ with him about it.

Point out how he shouldn’t have said those things? And then what?

How would he feel after that conversation? Embarrassed is my guess.

Would he be super delighted that i’m brining it up?

Would he say “thank you dear, that is such a good point, I will not say that again”.

Probably the opposite of that, you would probably have a huge fight and not come to a resolution.

Here is what i would do.

I would tell myself a story that serves me and our relationship.

Curiosity is always my pick in similar circumstances.

I wonder why he said that..” and i would ask him that but from a place of true curiosity and i would listen.

That’s it. I would understand and move on.

Disagreeing, convincing, being right… that will all create disconnect.

So why choose it???

There is no such thing as ’embarrassing’ if you look at facts.

Embarrassing is an opinion, just another story you tell yourself!

If you can really see that then it will set you free.

Have a great weekend everybody!!!

P.S. I am super pumped this morning as my brother just told me he was able to get most of the week off for our get together at the cottage in Ontario! So excited ! I have the best brother ever!

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Perfectionists are scared people

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Good morning beautiful ladies!!!

Today I am writing about perfectionism as per request of one of my friends, good morning Stepanka!!!

There a few things we need to know about people who want some things to be perfect.

First we have to remember that their intentions are good.

They think by wanting to make it perfect they are doing their best.

The other thing to know about people like us is that we are scared people when we want something perfect.

We are scared it won’t turn out exactly the way it needs to, afraid we’ll be late, afraid someone will see the one flaw in our work so we spend hours perfecting it (not me btw, wink).

Yes, that’s right – perfectionists are scared people.

People who don’t consider themselves perfectionists are doers, people who make many mistakes, people who are not afraid if something will go wrong.

They know the point of doing something lies not in how complete and flawless it is.

Let me give you an example.

Let’s say you want to bake some muffins and some soup for someone you know who’s going through a child being diagnosed with cancer.

Your intentions here are probably to show them you are thinking about them, you want to help, you want to show them you are here for them if they need anything.

Your intentions probably don’t include: “well i hope they think these muffins are the best muffins they ever had.”

No, making a perfectly balanced soup is not the point here and so you just get the job done and you drop it off, the whole time thinking about those people.

You are not worried about messing up the recipe or over salting the soup (although that would be bad and you’ll probably just keep the soup at home, and i still say it’s ok, because the point is to let them know you are here for them.)

What i want to show you here is that even people who call themselves perfectionists would do the above.

We are all perfectionists some of the time and we are also the same people who let go of that and  DO our jobs without being afraid to mess up some of the time.

What is the difference between those two times?

Fear.

Either you allow fear to dictate your work or you focus on what matters the most.

That’s it.

Next time you find yourself wanting something perfect, ask yourself WHY.

Why do you really want to do such a good ?

SO that they think ‘wow, shes’s really good.’

Then ask yourself why do you want them to think that?

Because the alternative is unbearable to you.

You are afraid of someone ever thinking you did a bad job.

How differently would you work if you weren’t afraid of that? (after all when others mess up, we remind them they are human and it happens, why not do the same with ourselves?)

What if you wanted to do a good job from a place of love for yourself?

It’s ok if i made a mistake.

I showed up.

I’m human.

I did a good job, may be not perfect but good.

And that’s good enough.

Have a not so perfect Sunday, but i hope it has a good cup of coffee in it 🙂

Natalia

( so funny to be writing about perfectionism and catching myself trying to make it perfect:)))

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Lessons learned from my mom.

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Hello friends!
As you may already know every 10th post I write about lessons learned from one of my teachers.
This is my 40th post and I want to share with you the lessons learned from my mom!

Before I ever found a life coach and learned all the things she teaches, and read all the books on self help I had the best teacher I could ever have.  She laid the foundation for me to be able to absorb all of the teachings that I know now.

Here are a few ‘big’ beliefs she taught me:

1.  You will always find the good in the people if you look.  She taught me to use this approach when I’m going into a new situation when I don’t know people well and I’m nervous.  This has served me SO well in all of my life.  It allows me to focus on the people I meet instead of myself.

2. Never stop looking for the answers.  You will figure it out, just ask the universe for what you really want and imagine it as if it was already true.

3.  “Don’t beat yourself up.” – she would say that to me so many time when I would call to complain or vent.  This one is so good because so many times I would beat myself up for something and wouldn’t be able to move on and grow.  It is drilled into my head now after hearing it from her a million times.

4.  Happy marriage doesn’t have to take longer than 20 mins a day.  LOVE, love, love this one.  It sets me so free knowing that i don’t have to strive for the most time spent, or the best time spent together, or any ‘romantic’ time spent together.  Exploring ways how this can be true allows me to really let my marriage be what it is without wishing it was different.  Some days we spend the whole day together and some days we are like ships crossing in the night and I love how i don’t have to make it mean that we are not ‘doing’ it right.  So much freedom!

5.  Lying down with your kids for a chat before bed can mean the world to them.  My mom did that for my brother and I growing up and I still strongly remember how much we loved every minute of it. Even in our teens!!!!! Which is so important, i believe.  Now I am able to do that for my kids.  Having 4 of them means that they need that one on one time that much more! Thanks to my mom I can be there for them if they need to get something off their chest.

6. When stuck, look within yourself to see what You have done to contribute to the situation, not the other person. Own your stuff.  Apologize. When i was a teenager my mom and I fought a lot.  It was all thanks to my moms work on herself that we were able to get through that time.  It wasn’t smooth at all but she took responsibility for her part of the deal and was an example for me of how to work on yourself and how to say sorry if needed.

7. The more you do – the more you have to time to do it.
She planted that seed for me early on and now I am able to create my own approach to time and make it exactly what I want.  She taught me how to not be the victim of your time and obligations.

8.  Be flexible like water, she would tell me.  Water takes whatever shape it needs to when it flows, “so do that”, she would say.  This also set me up for an open mindset of approaching life with the ‘I can handle and adjust to anything’.

I bet my mom would read this and have no idea she did all that for me, but i am so grateful to her for teaching me what she knows. There is so much more of course and there are beliefs that I learned that probably don’t serve me as well, but that’s not what matters now.

My mom doing HER work, showing up for herself, searching for her own answers, trickled down to planting so many good seeds in my head.

So do your work ladies!( and gents).

You never know what beautiful ripple effect it will have on the people in your life.

Natalia

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Feeling Appreciated

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(the picture here is from a few years back when I had 2 kids and haven’t yet learned to appreciate myself and all I do.  I am so grateful to myself for figuring out how to appreciate myself. You can too! Can you see the look in my eye, happiness and victimhood all in one?)

Happy Mothers Day to you all!

My message to you today is simple.

Most of us want to feel APPRECIATED by our family on Mothers Day and every day.

What creates that for us?

What makes us feel appreciated?

Is it what our kids say to us?

Is it what kids do for us?

Is it the breakfast that they maker us ?

Is it the flowers they give us?

Is it the thank you’s you get ?

Is it a craft they made for you at school?

Is it your husbands kind words?

You might say yes, all of those.

 

I want to give you a difference perspective.

None of those things make you feel appreciated.  WHAT YOU THINK about those things creates a feeling of appreciation for you. 

What you think creates a feeling for you.

A thought “THEY APPRECIATE ME AND ALL I DO FOR THEM” – that creates appreciation for you. NOT what they do or say.

So that means you can give YOURSELF a gift of feeling appreciated EVERY day of the year, no matter what they do or don’t do, and not just on Mothers day when they show their appreciation.

This is my gift to YOU ALL wonderful women, (mothers or not), – give yourself a feeling of appreciation by choosing to think “they appreciate me” or even better “I appreciate ME”.

Have a weekend full of feeling appreciated!! (Created by YOU)

Natalia

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The Yelling Jar!

Check out this experiment i am doing with retraining my brain.  I use a simple reward system that engages my primitive brain and creates a new connection in my brain every time i want to snap at my kids.  Simply said: I am rewiring myself to not yell at the kids with this amazing system!

The way it works is by collecting as many unanswered urges to yell as i can i am retraining my brain to react differently to my urges.  Every time i allow an urge and don’t snap at the kids – I get to add a glass bead to the jar! Simple and it works! Try it!

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