As parents we can have rules and expectations of our kids but when we feel dependant on them following those expectations that’s when we hurt ourselves.
The truth is we can’t control them so when we depend on them to feel good we ultimately feel out of control of how we feel.
Ask yourself “how can i be good either way?”
You can’t control what he does but you can be good either way, whether he follows yours ‘rules’ or not.
Drop the rules, feel better, be in control of how you feel.
