Archive January 2020

AND IT’S OKAY.

Here’s a fun thing to try on this weekend.

Whenever you catch yourself sharing or complaining or straight out stating a problem – add. “AND IT’S OKAY” at the end.
Just try it on for fun.
I am tired. And it’s okay.
It’s been such a long week. And it’s okay.
I’m single parenting this weekend. And it’s okay.
They are fighting again. And it’s okay.
They don’t like me. And it’s okay.
I’m not suggesting you actually be okay with all those things.
You can keep being not okay with them.
I just want to show you that you do have an option of making that subtle change of feeling for yourself without actually changing your life.
I know for sure that when you need it and use it will give us a sigh of relief.
This is the truth of my life right now AND IT’S OKAY. 
Have a wonderful weekend!
Love you all!
And yes I am single parenting this weekend, and it’s okay!!!
N

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I love me anyway!

I love me anyway.
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This is what I practiced all through out the Christmas break.
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As my brain continued to tell me how bad I am at taking care of the kids, or being in social situations, or showing love for my husband, or stuffing my face with desert. .
“I love me anyway.”
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Because, what’s the alternative? .
Agree with everything and keep beating myself up. Well that will just create more of horrible feelings and more of the same behaviour. .
So I went all in on having my own back no matter what.
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Sure I wasn’t able to do it perfectly always and I got really frustrated with myself but as soon as I remembered to love myself anyway I tried to do just that. .
And you know what, giving myself that space to be bad at things and love myself anyway felt so good. It gave me space to be ‘not good’ and not act it out on others. I was just okay with being ‘any quality’ Natalia. .
Doing this for me made it so much easier to love others when they were not at their best. I loved them anyway. .
Fail, Fail, fail. I Love me anyway. .
Happy Monday my friends!
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P.S. This is exactly what you can expect to learn and apply when you work with me on your relationships. This is THE best work ever that pays off tenfold. Trust me, it’s worth it!!! I invite you to schedule your free mini sessions with me where we get on the phone and talk about what relationship you want to work on and why. I guarantee you it will change your life. Just message me on here.

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One more thing

I have added one more thing to my morning routine and it is gratitude, and already I am seeing the world through a different lense.
This a moment from a dance party we have each night after dinner (while one of the boys does the dishes and I put away the food).
I found myself wanting to go join the party and watch the kids dance last few nights. Before I would’ve been happy they are out of the kitchen and enjoyed the peace.
Now I am so impressed with the routine we’ve made with the kids: boys doing the dishes and us enjoying 5-10 min of kids dancing and really having that release each night. How fun! We often join them.
Last night Tyler and I were in the kitchen and the party was downstairs and I told Tyler I want to go downstairs to see if papa is dancing! Because not only is it fun to watch the kids but Doug is a good dancer !
So thanks for this practice I am now being able to be more present and enjoy the family and have fun! Thanks @kalina_malina for helping me add this to my day! .

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I have SO much more time!

Breakthrough
An amazing thing has happened ! I feel now that I have more time then ever with my little twins !!! Which is incredible considering where I started.
I used to be home with them and then working part time. I took them grocery shopping with me , to their gymnastics, put them for nap and all the other million things I did as a mom ( and still do ). But back then I was so convinced that I must be with them as much as I can or it will not be enough !!!!
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I felt I didn’t have enough time for my work and for my twins!
I felt I was stuck and this was an impossible problem to solve!
I had such struggle going to work full time because I thought I would be taking the time away from my time with the boys.
And here I was sitting in the hot tub with them yesterday at 3:30 pm on a Wednesday afternoon and I thought “ how lucky am I that I get so much time with them !”
How can spending less time with them and feel like I have SO much more time with them ???
It all goes back to really thinking a thought and believing it and finding evidence for it and then living the results of it.

I imagined that it was possible for me and I went to work in my head believing it. .
And now it is true.
So what do you want to believe about you and your life ?
P.S. one way to start this is to write down a sentence of something you want as being true today. For example “I am a great mom” or “ I am a 100k earner” and then work on believing it each day. Believing is not enough if you are not willing to take action and fail. I can help with all of it, keeping you in action to make it true. I can do that but you still have to show up for yourself. .

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What is his job?

I’m going to bed. It’s just my husband and I in our first house before we had kids and we just finished watching one of the shows we love. My husband says “I’ll be right up.”
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I know what this “right up”means. It means he’s going to stay up for another hour and I will have to go to sleep on my own. This is not what I pictured a marriage to look like. We are supposed to go upstairs together, brush our teeth together, read books in bed together and then snuggle up and go to sleep together. Isn’t this what every marriage should look like?
Many years pass when I’m learning about relationships and how our spouses job is only to be there so we can love them.
My whole world changes in that moment.

What? His job is not to make me happy by going to bed at the same time as me?
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I can just let him be him and I can take care of me? .
In fact the only way I can ever be happy is by thinking thoughts that create that for me ? .
He can’t do that for me?
Why hasn’t anyone told me that before ?
I would’ve loved to know that when we got married!
Would’ve saved me years of feeling lonely and fighting !
His only job is to be there so I can love him.
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I sincerely love it when he comes to bed now later than I am. I am reminded that I have a husband and I am happy he is here. That’s all I need. Our relationship is not all perfect but that part is.
P.S. Are you thinking “but, but, but… then I won’t need anyone if that’s the case … how does that work?” It works beautifully. Imagine not needing anything from your husband and being happy to see him, how would that feel ??? Let me help you get there sooner and cheaper !

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It’s Okay to want what you want!

What if you can just be happy with what you have AND want more? And it’s okay to want more ? And you don’t need a reason or justification for wanting it. You can just want it because you want it. That’s it. Because it’s fun and you want to experience it.
Enjoy what you have AND get more of what you want .)

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You can’t feel other people’s love.

Did you know you can’t feel other people’s love?
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I know it’s crazy but also amazing!! .
Here is how it works.
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Your kid says “I love you mama” with his puppy eyes. .
You don’t feel anything until you think “aaaawe he really loves me”.
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Thinking this creates a feeling of love for you. .
I know this is the exact opposite of what we have all been taught all our life. We have been taught that others can make you happy and others can make you upset. When we believe this we are only left trying to change what others say or do. This doesn’t really work, or works but only short term, until the next time when it doesn’t.
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So I want you to consider me being right about this. .
This could be true. .
What would it mean for you if it was?
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For me it means that’s I can feel loved any time I want by thinking “they really love me”. .
I can feel appreciated by thinking “they appreciate what I do.”
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And when they say mean things like “I hate you mommy” I am the one who picks to think “ what a silly kid, he loves me!”. .
What if your thought really created your feeling for you? Regardless of what others do or say? How would your life change?
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P.S. but, but, but … I bet you have a perfect example for me where this is not true ! Bring it to me and I would love to work it through with you and see what we find out! Challenge me! And best of all your life might never be the same… message me to sign up for a free session where we can discuss all of it !!! .

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Failure is just a feeling

I said I will do something and I didn’t. That’s the math of the situation. .
The drama of the situation is I feel like a failure. .
Separate the math and the drama. Math is always simple and neutral. Drama is always charged and dramatic lol:) .
The morning fight with your kid: Math : he said words and I said words.
Drama: I’m a terrible mom. .
Drama is drama. Let it be dramatic but don’t let it fool you by believing that it’s true.
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You are a good mom and you know it. At least 78% of the time. .

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Let what’s true be true

“If we beat ourselves up for our truth it’s like an assault.
Just let what’s true be true.”

-Brooke Castillo

So often I notice myself getting frustrated with myself because of what’s true for me.

I see the same with my clients and friends.

It feel terrible and keeps us stuck in the loop where we can’t change anything. .
So how can you break out of that cycle?

Start with where you are by asking yourself – what is true for me now?
And can I just let that be true for the next hour, for the next day, for the next week, without trying to change it.
Give yourself a pause, a break from feeling bad about it. .
You can always come back to beating yourself up over it. That’ll always be there for you.

P.S. Are you afraid that if you finally stop being frustrated with what you are doing then you will never improve? Let me show you how the exact opposite is true, simply dm message me and we can set up a time to talk!
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Slouching = failure, obviously!

New year, new homework from my life coach.

I sit down to write.

Here is what I find out.

I believe I am tired, i am convinced I do things half-ass and I definitely slouch.

Not only do I believe the thoughts above but I think them on repeat, many times a day and feel terrible about myself.

I believe tired is bad for my energy in business, half-ass produces low quality work and slouching is just so bad so I obviously will be unsuccessful.(that one really made me laugh, slouching, really?) Now what?

My usual reaction used to be to try to replace the not serving thoughts with these serving thoughts: ‘I feel energized’, ‘I do things well’ and ‘I have great posture’.

But this time that is not what I did.

Instead of trying to replace well trained beliefs in my head I gave them a different meaning. 

I knew trying to get rid of them wouldn’t do the trick, so here’s what I decide to make it mean.

Being tired is an indicator of greatness, I had a great day laying it all out there in work and at home. I am amazing. ( and by the way I do believe that, that’s an important piece to make this work).

I do half-ass work but THAT Is what makes me so amazing because I DON’T have the perfectionist in me paralyzing me with fear. BECAUSE of my low standards I am ABLE to help people today, every day!  Now that is amazing!

And finally I decided that slouching is something that people love when they look at me because I am human and not perfect, I am relatable.   And that made me feel so much better about my posture, I don’t have to fight it any more.

I found this exercise extremely powerful and liberating.

I highly recommend this for you and your BIG obstacle beliefs.

Instead of changing them give them a different meaning!

I’m so happy to be back here with you guys! Hope your holidays were 50% great:)

Happy Monday !!!

Natalia

P.S. Does this speak to you but you don’t know quiet where to begin? That is what I am here for, to help you identify those BIG, recurring beliefs and help you make friends with them in order to start doing what you need to be doing to have the life you want!   It is simple and hard. But we can all do hard things!   I have helped people do that in as little as 15 minutes, on our first free session.  I can help you do the same, just email me back and we can talk.

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