Archive December 2019

Entitlement

I had a total tantrum yesterday, in my head, and then later at my husband, about the same thing.

I was so frustrated with finding and figuring out a template for my ebook!
I expected it to be easy, fast and fun!
How wrong was I!!!
It was harder for me than writing a book!!!!
I was wrong.
This wasn’t supposed to be easy or fun or fast.
I’ve never done it before and I had to spend time figuring it out.
I was wrong.
It felt so, so bad.
After all I wrote a book and I deserve to be happy and everything work smoothly because I am so amazing.
How wrong was I.
Even grown ups have tantrums and are completely wrong.
Entitlement creates suffering.
I was entitled to an easy process and I screwed myself over with it.
Next time you freak out, you can ask yourself what are you feeling entitled to? Why?
When you don’t get what you want but you think you deserve it, do you lose your shit in your head and may be act it out too? Just like a 3 year old?
It’s totally okay:)
See it for what it is.
We are allowed.
Noticing my own thinking saved me DAYS or may be even weeks of dwelling on this and complaining and not working on it.
I noticed it, acknowledged it and moved on.
Hope this helps you recognize where this shows up in your life! Have a great day!
Natalia
P.S. Thinking this doesn’t apply to you? It may not be as obvious as a 3 year old tantrum, it may look like this “I don’t have time for this!” Or “he should’ve known” or “nobody appreciates what I do” , these are all tantrums in our heads, feeling entitled to time, understanding and appreciation. And I agree that those would be lovely but when we don’t get them, being upset about it doesn’t help!  I can help you create time, understanding and appreciation for yourself, regardless of what others do! If you are even a little bit curious you must come talk to me! It will change your life!!!

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I love all humans.

“I love all humans.” My coach says that sometimes.

That is why I think she is so successful.
I notice it when I judge people.
I notice how it’s preventing me from connecting with them and helping them.
I notice it when I am able to connect and love all of the human experience I am able to help on such a deeper level.
Good news is that human experience include judgment!
So there you go, even when we judge we are still lovable:)
Happy Wednesday everyone!
Love you all!
Natalia
P.S. Did you know I can help you love your judgmental side? yep. Email me back and we can chat!

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“I know what to do but when the times comes to do it I just don’t do it.”

“I know what to do but when the times comes to do it I just don’t do it.”

You don’t do it because you are reacting to your feelings in that moment.

And in the moment you will never want to do what it is you decided you need to do.

So here’s how I do it, I anticipate that I won’t want to do it and I commit to keeping my word to myself and doing it anyways.

That is how I get everything done and how I get all my goals achieved.

I decided to write a book this year and I did! I am editing it right so it is ready for Dec. 31st!

I decided to become a life coach and I did.

I decided to coach 30 people this year and I will, I helped 28 people so far!

We could be celebrating your goals at the end of next year, which you were able to achieve simply by honouring your word to yourself and doing things despite feeling negative emotion!!!!

What would it mean for you to try?

What would it mean for you to not try?

P.S. Will you be one of those 2 people I help this month?
its very simple, you email me back and we schedule a chat over phone, all it takes is 60 minutes during your lunch break or after kids are in bed.  Are you in?

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What Worked Well, always goes first

What worked well. WWW

My coach has me do evaluations of my coaching sessions with my clients.

Before I get into what didn’t work well I always start with what worked well.

This has been so powerful for me to do on coaching, networking events, tennis tournaments and now that I’m seeing the results of it I must share it with you as I think its an amazing tool for life.

Since our brain always wants to criticize and dwell on what we did wrong, we can simply do the process of WWW ( what went well) first and then do the WDW (what didn’t work).

To finish it off we always do the What Do Differently next time.

This allows me to remember the whole picture of my progress, I am learning a skill here and it takes many tries to learn all the different aspects of it.

Without the big picture it’s so easy to get lost in the current fail and just drop attempting it all together.

I have the main picture in mind and I also take the emotion out of it.

I evaluate it from a mechanical point of it, where there is no judgement if the machine didn’t do the right thing. Machine can be trained.

By doing the What Worked Well first I am forcing myself to look at the whole picture of my performance and not just what I messed up.

Some of you are working on taking better care of yourself or being nicer to your family member or losing weight or making money.

Each one of those consists of many different situations in life that can be evaluated just as I described above.

I don’t suggest you do the process but I did bring up this example so you can remember the big picture of you learning a skill each time you ‘fail’ or under perform in whatever goal you are working on now.

Hope this makes your Monday just a bit softer and gives yourself just a bit more compassion and patience that you would love.

Have a great day guys!

Natalia

P.S. If this is they type of help you like to get when going after your 2020 goal then I can do that for you:) Email me back and we can discuss it this week over a coffee. Looking forward to hearing form you!

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Showing up!

Here’s what I see.

The clients that show up for themselves get results.
The clients that don’t show up for themselves don’t get results.
The clients that don’t show up for themselves also struggle to show up for others.
This creates a cycle of overwhelm and more of not showing up for anyone.
I definitely see this in my life when I neglect myself and when I hold myself through it all.
How hard are you willing to work to feel like you can handle anything life brings your way?
What is ‘showing up’?
For me it’s writing down my thoughts every day for at least 5 mins.
For some it’s meditating.
For some it’s taking a walk by themselves.
But for so many there is nothing that they do just for themselves and so they come to me saying they put everyone else first and tears swell up in their eyes.    There is NO ONE there for them. Not even themselves. They only have me showing up for them, but that’s still not the same as them doing it for themselves.
So if you could pick one thing today what would it be?
Make it extremely easy for yourself to do each day?
2 mins of journaling? 10 min walk? 5 min meditation?
Commit to do the minimum each day and don’t give yourself an ‘I’ll try’.
“I’ll try” is a great out. Fail before even trying.
“I am committed to do this for myself. Period.”
Have a lovely Tuesday guys!!!
P.S.  This is one of the best parts of working with me: setting yourself up so you don’t need me or anyone else to take care of yourself.  It is the best gift you can give yourself and I love being part of it!!! Email me back if you want help figuring out what ‘showing up’ looks like for you!

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Cure for ‘cancer’.

You guys,

I literally feel as If I have a cure for cancer because when someone comes to me and says ‘I don’t think I have the ability to love or have good relationships’  – I CAN HELP THEM.

They think it’s terminal and they are born that way and nothing can change and I HAVE a solution for them that will cure them of that “inability to love”.

Seriously.

This is what I told that person:  Your first step is to imagine that it is POSSIBLE for you to love and have a good relationship.

How would you feel if you imagined its possible for you?

How would you act when you felt that way?

What life would you create by acting that way?

It all starts with possibility.

It is Monday and anything is possible!!!

Natalia

P.S.  I am here if you ever have questions or are just curious about HOW I cure the ‘cancer’ – email me back or DM me.  I will be so happy to talk to you!!!

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Drops in the ocean

My mom told me long time ago when I was a kid that

 “all the people in our lives are like drops from the ocean, and those drops are little mirrors that show our reflections back to us”.

I can see now how that has served me in my relationships.
Whenever I would have a fight or disagreement with anyone in my life I would always walk away thinking ‘where am I wrong here, what is the lesson here for me?’
So often I see people walking away justified, ‘right’, convinced that it is not ‘them’, it’s the other guy.
Being right feels good.
But that’s about it.
They stay a victim of their story and continue to blame the other guy for their misfortunes.
This creates only more of the same.
There is no growth.
There is same judgments, feelings, and actions.
Same lives.
I am not interested in creating more of the same when it comes to victimhood, are you?
Look at all the people in your life and see yourself in them.
Have a beautiful weekend my friends!
Natalia
P.S. What’s the worst that can happen for you? You hire me and it doesn’t work and you are out some money? I don’t think so.  I think the worst that can happen is you NOT doing this work and staying exactly where you are.  I cannot wait to see what you create with the information and coaching I give you! It has blown my mind and it will for sure blow yours!!!

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I’M SO BUSY!

What if we eliminated ‘so busy’ from our vocabulary???

Whenever I tell anyone I have 4 boys, 99% of people react “wow, you must be so busy!”.
Although there is definitely truth in it, I never choose to say that about my life.
Why? Because I feel extremely overwhelmed when I think that and there is no good coming out of that.
Instead you know what I do, I simply state the ONE thing I am doing right now.
In fact I made it a habit, whenever one of my boys asks for my help and I am already helping the other boy, I always say ‘I can’t right now, I am helping this guy with his mittens, when I’m done with him I will help you.’
Instead of ‘I can’t help you, can’t you see I’m BUSY!!!” (Roll your eyes)
Notice how right away with that one word you tell the whole story of your life: that you always have something or someone who needs you, you have no time to yourself, victim mode, victim mode, victim mode” cry me a river!
I can find the truth in the ‘I’m busy’ and I can also find the truth in the ‘I’m doing this one thing right now.”
The truth is we are always doing just that one thing, even when we are interrupted a million times, we still pay attention to only one thing at a time.
So I want to challenge you to eliminate ‘I”M BUSY” from your vocabulary and see how hard it is. For some of us it is such a habit to say it to anyone, all the time, every day.  What that creates is a habit of feeling overwhelmed all the time.
If you were to choose from two very true things, one could make you feel overwhelmed and the other calm and focused, what would it be?
Have a fantastic Wednesday everybody!
If you ever wonder what I’m doing: it’s only one of the two things: working or with my family.  I’m not busy, I only have 2 things(wink).
Natalia
P.S. Feeling overwhelmed with life and especially holidays coming up I cannot suggest strongly enough to come work with me as I have eliminated overwhelm in my life and I help you do the same.  Imagine a calm and relaxed December? It is possible. IF you just read to the end of this email then why don’t we continue this conversation over coffee?! You got this!

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You don’t HAVE to LIVE!

Did you know you don’t HAVE to do anything??

You don’t have to go to work.
You don’t have to take care of your family.
You DON’T have to pay taxes, contrary to popular belief.
You don’t have to be a good person.
You don’t have to brush your teeth.
Sure, there will be consequences, with gingivitis, loss of relationships, going broke, feeling bad about being mean to others, etc.
All of the above have consequences to them.
Which you may not like.
But to say you HAVE TO DO them – is a LIE.
We CHOOSE to do them because we DON’T like the consequences that come from  NOT DOING Them.
I’ll take it ever further.
You don’t have to eat.
You also don’t have to shower.
 
You don’t even have to live.
This is the crazy part but stay with me.
You have free will that you can exercise on anything.
NOBODY can make you do anything, NOT EVEN stay alive.
People can take their own lives, because they even have a say in that!!!
I’m not trying to convince you to end your own life, not at all, on the contrary, take your life back!
What I’m saying is that we think we HAVE to do all these things, but we don’t, we just forgot that we get to CHOOSE them.
 
SO, if we don’t HAVE to do any of it – then what do we WANT to do???
DO you want to take care of your kids, pay taxes and brush your teeth? Oh and LIVE?
Saying I WANT TO (because I prefer to do them over the negative consequences that follow when I don’t do them) do all those things CHANGES EVERYTHING!!!!
This is YOUR life – you don’t HAVE to do anything!! So what will you do if you have the ultimate freedom?
I’m guessing you will still CHOOSE to live and be a good person and pay taxes, and take care of your family.
BUT you will do it from a much different place than you would thinking that you have to.
So what will it be for YOU? What do you WANT ?
Natalia
P.S. What? You say you want to work with a life coach but afraid of what others will think?  That is such a common response that I get and I say what a more reason to do it!!!  Lots of people who want to work with me want to work on their confidence.  Telling people you work with a life coach takes balls.  What if they disapprove, judge or think you are weird and will never succeed?  You get your first taste of being confident just by declaring to the world that you work with a life coach, because you are OKAY with peoples’ judgements, and that is the ultimate confidence I see in my clients.  But before you can declare you are working with a life coach I invite you to email me back to set up a time to talk about what you want!!!

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Let’s grab a drink after work!

How are you feeling today my friend?

I bet you have so much to tell me.  How your weekend went, how you got some stuff done, you were tired, and now the new week is here and you still have lots to get done on your xmas list, the in laws need to know this and that, and you just wish you had a break, December is already here, time is flying by, and what you also want to tell me is how anxious you feel about something coming up at work etc etc etc.

If you and I made a plan to meet up today after work for a glass of wine (or a non alcoholic beer for me), you would feel may be a sense of relief, something to look forward to. I know I would.

You would arrange for child care and know that THAT TIME IS FOR YOU.

You will get to vent, and share and laugh and relax with a good friend.

Now picture the exact same scenario but except for ME being on the other side of the table you had a piece of paper and a pen.

You could still meet yourself for a refreshing beverage and ask the hubby or whoever to pick up the kids.

YES, it does look dorky and weird but just stay with me.

How AMAZING would it feel to know that you GOT YOU????

You don’t need a friend or whoever to be available for you get to feel that way.

If they are that’s great, but SO SO SO often we are left waiting for the magical moment when everything aligns so we can pop out of our routine to feel heard and cared for with a friend.

And while waiting we carry everything around with us and feel unheard and alone.

There is no reason to wait!  I MUST share this with all of you.  

What you imagine you will feel after meeting with a friend and sharing your heart out is the feeling you CAN and in fact you always DO create for yourself, whether your friend is listening or not.

You create it by thinking “I GOT ME, I am here for me” and then acting that way. TODAY.

SO why don’t you give it a try and take yourself our of your routine, even if its just for a 15 min coffee.

Sit yourself down and tell yourself everything you would tell your friend, and listen, and ask ‘what else?’ , ‘how’s work?’, ask all the questions your friend would ask and answer them.

Tell yourself your biggest worries and fears and what’s on your mind.

“But then I won’t need any friends’ you are thinking, ‘and that’s unhealthy’.

I must tell you that when you do this for YOURSELF, you will still want to see your friends and in fact you will be able to show up as a better friend for them.

You won’t be fighting for your turn to talk! You will listen and really BE there for your friend.

Don’t worry, you will still want to see your friends and love them. But you won’t feel needy and unstable because you GOT YOU.

What if it was your job to listen to yourself whenever you need it and your friends ONLY job was to be there(or even somewhere else) so you can love them?

Happy Monday my friends! Take yourself out for a date with yourself, you will love that feeling SO much you will treasure it forever!!!

Natalia

P.S. have some questions about this awkward exercise, shoot them my way I am happy to guide you through it. After all, you are worth it!!!

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