Our Manual for other people.
Lets take your spouse for example.
In your mind right now there is a list of things that you have that you would like him to do or the way you want him to be.
Put away the dishes.
Remember our anniversary.
Come to bed the same time I go to bed so we can snuggle and go to sleep together.
Defend me when someone says something not nice about me.
We all have things like that.
We call it the ‘manual’ for how they should behave.
The manual simply describes how they should live their life according to our beliefs.
We do that because we believe that if they do those things we then will be happy, content, or at least things are normal and how they ‘should be’.
What really ends up happening is we are putting the responsibility for us feeling good ON our husband.
IF he DOESN’T do them then we don’t get to feel a certain way.
If that is true then OUR only way to control how we feel is to control what our husband does.
Does that work?
Even when he DOES exactly what we like him to do the reason we feel good is NOT because of what he did but because of the THOUGHT we get to think when he does that thing.
He Puts away dishes.
You think: oh good, he’s pitching in.
You feel: satisfied.
So you are still the one creating that feeling for yourself. NOT your husband.
When we take FULL responsibility for creating OUR FEELINGS WITH OUR THOUGHTS and truly understand that our spouse has nothing to do with them, only then we can truly begin to enjoy our spouse WITHOUT ever needing anything from them.
The only job that your spouse has is to be there so you can love them.
You are responsible for how you feel, not your spouse.
What is the point of having a husband then?
To love them. To enjoy their company, to have fun together, to grow and experience life together.
He is not there to make you feel good.
I know this is a radical concept and we are taught to believe the opposite.
We are taught that we need ‘support’ networks and people who bring us up and make us feel good, etc.
All that does is just support the same idea, that other people are responsible for our feelings.
If that is true then we are screwed, because we can’t control what other people do!
They can never be responsible for your feelings.
Only you can be creating your feelings with your thoughts.
They cannot create your thoughts for you and therefore they never ever make you feel good or bad.
Happy Friday ya’ll!
P.S. Is your manual getting in the way between you and your husband? this can end today. All you have to do is recognize you have a manual, drop it as much as you can and then choose to be responsible for your own feelings, good or bad.
OH and fail a lot at doing all of the above.
That is the price for loving unconditionally, failing over and over again and learning how to do it better each time. I can be there for you when you fail and help you not quit on yourself. Because you are worth it. Agree? Email me back if you agree.