Archive November 2019

The Universe is friendly.

This morning I had a perfect window between groceries and the dentist to pick up my new glasses.

I arrived early, before the glasses office was open and I sat in the car happily listening to my podcast.

I knew I had 15 minutes from when the store opens to when my dentist appointment begins.  The drive is 7 minutes from one place to the other.

I sat there and I had a thought of worry come up, what if they don’t open in time and I’ll have to leave before I get my glasses.

But since I know that the universe is friendly, I was sitting there and I was certain that everything will work out just in time.

10:00 am came, no-one.
10:01 nobody there.
10:02 nothing yet
10:03 still no-one . I’ll still get them, I thought. I’ll sit here till 10:07 and then go.
10:04 sure enough the person pulled in and I got my glasses in and out and made it to the dentist right on time. (thanks Karen!)

IT would’ve been so easy to give up and leave and assume I won’t be able to get the glasses.  But I knew believing it will work out will always pay off.

Your universe wants you to succeed.  Will you join the universe and make it easy for it to help you?

I truly believe it is friendly.
Happy Friday ya’ll!!!

P.S. “but what if I believe and nothing happens?”  what a great questions.  That means you didn’t believe hard enough.   This is where I come in and help you believe BEFORE you have the proof of the result.  Whoa? yes. It’s true. We must start believing FIRST before we have done it.  Ready to start believing? Setting up a call with me is always a great sign of you believing.  Keep going and grow you belief by hitting reply. I’ll see you on the other side.

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This is what success feels like.

Friday, I get off the call with my client and I am overcome with this awe of what just happened.
My client tells me how their life has changed, their relationship with themselves has shifted, it has become better.
The relationships with their close ones has changed.
Their life is not perfect but what once seemed impossible is now a reality.
I drive with my husband in the car and I can’t get over how amazing it feels to be someone who helped that person and to witness those results.
And I tell him ‘this is what success feels like’.
Skip to Monday and I am driving to a school, where I will present to high school students about my job and career.
I am also in awe of what I have accomplished and what once seemed impossible (to find a career that I love) is now a reality.
But I can’t feel this awe as I am scared and nervous to public speak in front of anyone right now.
I haven’t done it in 10 months.
And amidst of the fear and nervousness my brain says ‘this is what success feels like’.
And it makes me smile.
The two days could not feel any different.
Yet they are both part of one success.
It is beautiful and uncomfortable at the same time.
And I love it.
P.S. This is also what I do with my clients, I help them set impossible goals (dream jobs or results) and I help them stay out of their own way so they can actually do the work to get there.  It is not some magic, woo woo or rocket science. I simple work with them to make sure their excuses and discomfort don’t come in the way of their goals. That’s it.   What better way to go into December and the new year knowing that you have a personal champion there for you to work for you and YOUR dreams.  I invite you to sign up for a free call with me to discuss your big goals!

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What am I missing here?

What am I missing here?

As opposed to ‘what’s wrong with me?’

Notice how differently you would approach yourself and your day when you ask the first question.

This was me this morning.  I snapped at the kids.

Then I proceeded to call my husband and my friend and ask them about how THEY do it? I also got coached on that as well. All in one morning.

Yes I was frustrated, but I also admitted that I am definitely missing something and I CAN figure it out, I just have to find out what it is.

I probably did the ‘something is wrong with me’ bit for a minute but it was so quick that I can’t even remember it now.

SO, the words of wisdom are these today….

What am I missing here? 

Creates openness and space for answers.

What is your question today that you are looking to answer?

P.S. If your question is how do I make things better between me and so and so then I am the person for you.  I have worked on so many relationships in my life that whatever it is I have seen it.  You might be thinking ‘it doesn’t apply to me because my situation is different’ I challenge you to question that story.  What if it is not that different in your situation and what if you could just work with me for 6 months and enjoy the REST of your life living in what’s possible for you??? What’s the downside in trying? The only downside I see here is NOT finding out for yourself. Email me back, would love to hear from you !

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What I told high school students …

Most of my life I did not know what it is that I am passionate about.  And then I read this article by Mark Manson.

He says that if we have to look for what we are passionate about then we are probably NOT passionate about it.

He suggest that what we love doing is something that we ALWAYS FIND Time for every single day.

You just don’t realize it’s a thing and you do it and you love it.

And then he said something that completely changed my life.

HE says the way you know what it is that you already love doing is by asking yourself this questions:

WHAT is it that You do during your day that you get so caught up in that you forget to go pee?

WHAT is it that You do during your day that YOU get so caught up in that I forget to go pee?

That is how I have found my passion and I love life coaching.

Life coaching may not be for all of you,  it may be for some of you. .

But finding what you are passionate about is something that you can start doing right now.  This article is what helped me and it may help you.

Here are the links to 2 articles:
https://markmanson.net/passion
https://markmanson.net/life-purpose

P.S.
“I’m too overwhelmed with my own life right now just trying to keep these little humans alive, I’m not even close to thinking about my ‘passion’ in life”.  I get it, and I want to offer to help you get out of the survival mode.  What would it feel like for you to be able to handle ANYTHING that comes up in your life?  Email me back, what have you got to lose? Looking forward to talking to you!

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There is NO THERE!

It won’t be any better THERE.

Once I get that promotion I can relax.

Once I find a spouse then everything will be okay.

Once I stop loosing my shit with the kids then I can really take care of myself.

Once I make money then I can have the life that I want.

Once I am thiner I will be truly happy.

Has that actually every come true for anyone?

DO you know anyone who told you that once they did that thing all of their problems were solved?

I haven’t.  They solved that problem, and got 10 new ones.

Those are such lies we tell ourselves that rob us of what we can do for ourselves now.

THERE IS NO THERE.  

There is no THERE where you get to and it will all magically be great.

Once you find a spouse, your one problem will be solved but you will have a million new problems.

Once you get that promotion, you will celebrate for that second, hour or even an evening and then your brain will start wanting more.

Nothing gets better.  Your problems change but it still stays 50% positive and 50% negative – HERE OR THERE.

So once it truly sinks in that it WON’T bet better once this thing happens – then what? What does the mean for you now?

Picture yourself, as you are right now and then just add on that thing that you are desiring. That’s it – that’s what it will look like for you once you get it.
Your brain and thoughts and feelings will be the same.

So what can you start doing now and not waiting for that thing to arrive?

If you are still doubting what I’m saying – go back to the last time you wanted something and thought everything will be so much better once you got it – did everything change once you got it?

After the excitement and novelty wore off?

What was left?

Was that promotion just a trap for more responsibility?

Was being married not all that you expected?

This is good news you guys, because you don’t have to wait for anything or anyone to start feeling in control now, to start feeling better TODAY.

I just self coached myself and am in the THERE, because there is no there, there is only here, so I just combined the two.

Did I confuse you? Good:)

Happy Friday ya’ll!

Natalia

P.S. Don’t believe me? Want to challenge this concept?  I say bring it, I love it when people sincerely question what I teach.  What if scheduling a chat with me could change your life forever? It happened for me when I first reached out to my coach, so what are you waiting for ? It’s just a chat! Looking forward to hearing from you!

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Pain is not a problem.

What? I wish my coach told me that last weekend. I have been struggling with the headache for a while now.
But to be honest it is a lot easier when we stop fighting the pain and stop avoiding it and resisting it.
Whether it is your head or your emotional pain over your relationship with your son.
The pain is there to tell us something.
May be that area in your life needs some attention or may be you need some attention from you.
Whatever it is it is there with the purpose.
What pain do you have?
I am here for your relationship pain.
I will take care of you when you bring it to me.
If that is you and you think your pain IS a problem message me back and we can talk about how I can help you.
P.S.  Distracting yourself from the pain doesn’t take the pain away, it just shows up later.  Are you there in the ‘later’ now? If you are and you have found that the pain has not gone away I invite you to bring it all to me and we can look at it together. It’ll be fun I promise. Even with the pain:)

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When your kid says….

When your kids says “he told me that I am stupid and now I have the worst day ever…” What do I do?

I used to hear that and I would instantly want to help, make them feel better, teach them a lesson, etc etc etc! (All so I could feel better by not hearing them complain about it).
So I would say “why are you choosing to think that?” Which just annoyed them.
I would rush them to choose better thoughts for themselves “what else could you think about you?”
Which would of course just keep them stuck in their current thoughts even longer and we would get nowhere. 
 
You see when I felt rushed to make them feel better I was only doing that so that I can feel better because I felt bad when they felt bad.
 Which is essentially me believing the same thing they are believing: that something outside of us makes us feel bad. 
 
Now when my kids share with me something that bothers them I don’t have that rushed feeling anymore.   
 
I remember that my kids are supposed to suffer half of the time because that is part of life. 
I listen to them and recognize that there is nothing going wrong here, they are just thinking a thought that makes them feel bad. 
That’s it. 
They don’t need to be rescued and they don’t need to feel better.  
This feeling they are having is harmless and is part of human nature.
 
If I am coming form a peaceful place like that I don’t have an agenda of my own, I have no desire for them to understand the model or change their thoughts. 
 
I simply get curious about what they are actually thinking.
And I ask them.
When they said that you are stupid, what did you think? 
 
He might say ‘it made me feel bad’. Then I would say ‘why did it make you feel bad?’
 
Then he might say something like “I don’t want to be stupid”.
 
I would ask ‘do you think you are stupid?”
 
He would say ‘no’ or ‘yes’ .and I would keep asking him why he thinks what he thinks.
 
I also ask ‘is that true?’? Are there times when you are not stupid? 
 
How does it feel when you think ‘I’m stupid’?
 
What do you want to think about you?
 
The whole time when I’m having this conversation I am simply being curious and compassionate about him and his thoughts. 
That’s it. 
No agenda of them changing. 
Because we are all humans with thoughts.  
Some of them serve us and some of them don’t.
By being curious about them we uncover them and look at them and sometimes thats all it takes to stop believing them. 
 
So be curious with your own thoughts and your kids thoughts.
 And when your kid feels bad don’t sound the alarm.
They are just having a thought.
 Nothing has gone wrong. 
Hope this was helpful!
 
Natalia 

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Action Despite Negative Emotion

In other words do it anyway, when you least feel like it.

I didn’t feel like going for a workout today but i did.

This message is simple but so powerful if executed every day on a lot of small actions.

Here are a few of mine that i don’t feel like doing and do them every day:

manage my brain
brush my teeth
5 downward dogs
lie down to talk to my kids at bed time

here is what i have as a result:

amazing life
clean teeth
flexible body
connection with my kids

Sometimes i reeeeeaaaaallly don’t feel like doing them.

And i almost don’t it.

But i still do.

So, it’s Friday and it’s really east not do something today.

But just do it, because you can.

Happy Friday guys!

Natalia

P.S. The weekend is almost here and it usually means more time with our kids.  It also is a time when we are reminded the most that we still haven’t figured out the approach to them.  If you haven’t reached out to me yet and are thinking about it, what are you waiting for? You could be going into the weekend excited about the possibility that you can end the struggle with your kid.  And that can simply happen after emailing me back and admitting that ‘yes, that’s me, i am struggling, i’d like to talk’.  You are one email away from feeling proud of yourself going into the weekend.  Take action now, even if you don’t feel like it. Because you’re worth it.

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AM I THE RIGHT COACH FOR YOU?

What specifically do you help with? I get this question a lot and so I decided to share that here with you.

I can help you if you:

  • Are struggling in a relationship with your kid/parent/spouse/sibling/close one.

 

  • You tried everything but nothing works and you are feeling sad and hopeless whenever you think about your relationship with that person.

 

  • You love that person so much it brings you to tears when you think about how mean you are to them.

 

  • You want more than anything to show love to that person but haven’t had success with it yet.

 

  • The way your struggle shows up for you is that you are mean to that person, whether it is subtle judgements that you don’t share with them, or it is full blown fights and yelling and everything in between.

 

  • Finally you suspect it has something to do with your relationship with yourself because you notice that you are also very harsh on yourself. 

I feel very passionately about helping YOU if the above describes you and what you are going through.

I invite you to email me or direct message me wherever you see this message and schedule a call with me where we can talk about what is going on for you right now and whether or not I can help you.

Love you all,

Natalia

P.S.  If this resonates with you and you had the urge to email me back but decided to ‘do it later’ or ‘think about it’  i want you to notice that urge and hear it as if your kid was asking for a hug.  Would you tell your kid you will hug them later or drop everything and give them a hug now.  This is exactly what it’s like when YOU are asking yourself to do something for you.  You can either move towards yourself or tell yourself ‘you don’t matter, i’ll hug you later’.  This is your first conscious chance to HEAR yourself and give that hug.

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SHAME IS OPTIONAL!

Shame is an option.
Here’s how it plays out.
You can either hide and pretend that everything is fine after having a rough morning with the kids but inside you are crying.
You are so ashamed of your own behaviour that you can’t possibly imagine sharing it with anyone.
The extent to how much you lost it on them is so embarrassing and for sure something is wrong with you because you just can’t seem to break the cycle.
Shame doesn’t come from yelling, it comes from making it mean that something is wrong with you because you yell.  
 
If the problem is inherently in YOU then there’s nothing you can do about it.
There is no growth, no change that comes from shame, there’s just more of the same.
Another way of looking at it is that there’s nothing wrong with YOU, it is simply your actions that you messed up with.
YOU are still a good mom.
SO, if you are still a good mom and the problem is your actions, then is that a problem that you can solve?
DO you notice a shift in openness to solutions if the problem is NOT YOU?
Shame is an optional feeling.  You don’t have to think and believe that something is wrong with you.
You could stop believing that today! Did you know that?
You have full permission to believe ANYTHING you want to believe. Nobody can stop you.
P.S. What if I’m right on this one? What if this COULD really work? What if you are sick of hating yourself and are ready to do this for you? This is what I do, I work with moms who think something is wrong with them and I help them get unstuck.  Forward this to a mom who needs to hear this or email me back if you are stuck and believe you are a lost cause.

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