Archive September 2019

I’m a good/bad mom

According to my 3 year old you can be a good mama and a bad mama.
What a relief! Did you know about this? 😉

My 3 year old: “Mama, you’re a good mama.”

Me: “Really? Even after I yelled at your brother “
Him: “Yes, you was a bad mama when you yelled and now you are a good mama”


•love this picture from our summer, isn’t it the best when they nap on on your lap! ❤️❤️❤️

 

N

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Freedom from having to worry!

I made a decision once and gave myself freedom from ever having to worry about working out ever again. •

y husband and I have this ongoing joke about the workout that we do every week, once a week. •
It is only 15 mins long but super intense, it’s weight training, after which I feel like I just ran a half marathon! •
But because it is so short my husband has been calling it 6 min abs, referencing the episode in the movie “something about Mary”, scroll to see the clip. •
6 min abs brings me so much joy for these reasons :

I have freedom from ever thinking “I need to workout” because I don’t love going to the gym to hit the weights. •
I love having this freedom from ever worrying if I’m doing enough and when I will find time and it I should do and what class I should do and which trainer to pick and which body part to worry about ! •
Ugh ! Enough ! •
I never ever ever think these thoughts and for that reason alone I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE what @evolvedhealth has to offer. •
Instead I get to think “I have exercise taken care of”

”I am getting so strong!” • “ I love my 6 min abs workout !” “ I never have to worry about working out !”
• “ I can keep up with my 4 kids !” . •
Now THAT is true freedom to me, never having to worry about my body! •
After making fun of my workouts my husband ended up joining me and now he comes home saying how hard they are! So fun! •
If you hate going got the gym but would like to be strong and fit I would highly recommend trying this out!!

P.S. if you feel that way about life, you wish you could do something and never worry about it let me introduce you to coaching, I look at coaching the same way I do at doing this exercise- I have a weekly session that sets me up for my week and I know I have my mental health covered. If you want to feel in control of your life and also make it amazing then I invite you to sign up for a free session with me to find out how I can make that happen for you.

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You can’t change your worthiness

My kid came home from school yesterday and said “ mama, did you know there’s nothing special ?”
I said what do you mean ? He said “the only thing that’s special is us”
I asked him how does he know that. He said his teacher told him that at the fire drill. If you want to save something special then you just save yourself she said.
He was so pleased with himself and 200% certain In these facts, like 1+1=2.
He didn’t have any doubts or he wasn’t even amazed, he was just certain that that’s how the world is.
Kids sure do know how special they are.
Those same kids grow up and forget that and start to look for somebody to do or say something to them so they can feel okay about themselves.
I coach my clients on this all the time.
And those are not direct request to be acknowledged as special.
These specific little examples of how sneaky this can be.
“If only so and so asked for their advice then they would know they are important.”
“If I’m doing as much or more than others the I am doing enough.”
“If my vacations are just as nice and often as others then I am doing it right.”

“If only I had a tight group of friends than I would not be missing out.” .
I have to remind my clients again and again that things and results and people out there can never ever create the feeling of satisfaction for them.

The only way to feel worthy, satisfied, good enough is by deciding that you already ARE.
Your thoughts about you will create that feeling for you.
That’s it.
And guess what, you have my full permission to think all of them before any of that stuff happens, regardless of what happens.
So, if you ARE special regardless of what you do or don’t do – now what ?
What struggles can you let go of ?

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Drop all your ‘shoulds’.

I heard Natalie Clay say that on her podcast and I loved it! I completely agree.

Whenever I notice myself thinking I “should” do or be something I always know to question it.

The “ I should” is basically saying “I wish I was different than I am” or “they should” is saying “I wish they were different than they actually are”.

What if you give yourself permission to not do the should or be whoever you think you should be and see what is actually there.
You will be pleasantly surprised.

There will be a relief and an opening up to what IS.
What is left is a lot of what you could and want to be and could and want to do.
What “shoulds” do you want to let go of?

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Time to celebrate!!

This week I hosted a dinner for all the beautiful ladies who volunteered to be coached by me!

I am so thankful to them for being open and trusting me with their problems and dreams. Getting to know them has been life changing for me.
Seeing them go through difficulties in life and breakthroughs in their careers and health and relationships has been such an honour!
I am so grateful for the opportunity I had and still have today to be part of their life.
And also – it super fun for me !

I love love love all the stuff that comes with this job (yes even all the behind the scenes drama of doubt and failure) and so I am having so much fun doing it.
.
Each of these women said yes to me and that has been life changing for me.

Natalia

 

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But it’s true!

A lot of my clients say “but it’s true!”.
So what ?
Does that mean you need to think that in your head over and over again ?
What is the upside of thinking something that is true that is also creating frustration and resentment?
None that I can see.
What does serve me here ?
The best way I like to do this is to keep noticing the difference in how I feel when I focus on the “truth” or how I feel when I see the other side of things. .
I don’t try to jump to the happy place ( I do, it just doesn’t work until I really sit with the other yucky feeling), I notice how shitty I feel when I stick to what’s “true” ( and I’m putting it in quotation marks because what we usually think is true is just our observation).

I notice that it’s my thoughts about it is what’s making me feel shitty, and not the actual thing.
The more I do it the sooner it lifts and I am free from any sort of “justice needs to be done”. Does it serve you to think that thing you are thinking?
The way you know is by how you feel.
Happy Tuesday everyone !

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9 years of marriage!

Dougie and I celebrated 9 years of being married in the beginning of this month! .
We always joke around and congratulate ourselves on still being married considering how many of us don’t stay married.
One of the best decisions I’ve ever made was getting up at 5:30 in the morning to have tea or coffee with him in bed. It’s not always easy, even though I do like an early start, but it is always worth it.

We chat about nothing and everything and put ourselves first before the kids and work and chores. We give each other our best energy before we ge too tired and cranky by the evening.
We both always feel the lack of it whenever we are on vacation or one of us is sick or away, and so it has been 2 years since we started this tradition and it has been a marriage saver! That and a bi weekly game of a tennis and a bite to eat.
So my happy thoughts are “I love Dougie”.

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This is just a thought.

“This is just a thought.”

Today at the school pick up I saw my friend, gave her a hug and she asked me how I am. “Shitty” I said and laughed.
I was so delighted by my own happiness about feeling shitty that I surprised myself.
How can I feel shitty and happy at the same time?
So simple.
I felt bad all day, but I kept on saying to myself ‘this is just a thought’ to whatever my mind was telling me.
Whether it was ‘everything sucks’, ‘I’m so tired’, ‘I’m a bad coach’, ‘what if I’m doing it wrong’ – my answer to all those was ‘this is just a thought, you don’t have to believe it’.
I did not go down the rabbit hole and believe these “truths”.
What a relief. Life is supposed to be 50% great and 50% shitty and so I wasn’t fighting the bad part.
I just allowed it to be there and recognized what was creating it for me.
Can you imagine yourself a bad day that actually kinda feels good?
That doesn’t add up, does it?
But there is some peace to it.  I felt bad because I was thinking thoughts that made me feel bad. That’s it. Not the end of the world.
What thoughts are you believing but wish you wouldn’t? comment below!
N

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I say this a lot.

I’m sorry, you are right 

I say this a lot.

 I used to have a really hard time apologizing.  

I used to fight, avoid and blame.  

My fights would drag out into hours and sometimes days. 

I didn’t know how to do it better.

My mentor Brooke Castillo taught me to always agree with whatever I’m being accused of. 

And not in a fake way, not in a way to just diffuse the fight but still keep believing I’m right.

In a way where I can truly find the truth in what the other person is saying. 

Even if it’s 1% true.  

I agree with them. 

“You are right, I wasn’t thinking of you at all. I’m sorry.”

“It’s true, I did do that thing. I’m sorry.”

I don’t go into explaining what my true intentions were, I don’t justify it to them, I don’t make excuses.  

Not of that serves me. 

By making excuses I create more distance between me and that person. 

I own everything that I’m accused of and if I can’t see get there in that moment then I take my time TO see it, to find the ounce of truth in it.  

Sometimes it takes me a minute or a day.  

It is always worth it.  

It gives me so much peace to AGREE with them.

And when I sincerely apologize for whatever I’ve done I create connection and make my relationship stronger with that person. 

I have saved so much time by not fighting and dwelling in who’s right and who’s wrong.  

Just by finding the truth in what they say I have created so much trust and growth and connection with people in my life. 

And peace!

Try it my friends. 

There is no upside defending your position. 

Own your shit and notice how much time you save and how connected you feel to the people in your life ! 

 

N

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100% worthy

I’m 100% worthy. 

I did not believe that.

I used to beat myself up after yelling at my son. 

I thought I must be a horrible, horrible person.

A monster. 

How can anyone be a good person when they get so angry at their kid. 

I used to be so angry at myself for yelling at them that I would snap at them more and more just by staying in that spin cycle.

Until this summer.

I embraced the impossible goal of having the best relationship with my son. 

I admitted it could be possible for me to have that. 

So I hired a relationship coach. 

3 months ago I was crying on the phone telling her “ I need to do this work because I don’t want to be this person anymore. I’m so sad.”

A few weeks ago I was telling her how a miracle has happened ( of course it was all my hard work ) and I had the best bed time routine with my son ever. 

I was looking forward to seeing him, I didn’t feel guilty or not good enough for something I have done earlier that day. 

I was feeling more love towards myself and him and finally being there on his side! Seeing life through his eyes and not getting mad at him. 

The other part of the breakthrough is that i did yell at him that day. 

The difference was what I made it mean when I yelled.

I did not make it mean that I’m a horrible person.

Instead I made it mean that that was a fluke and not at all reflective on my relationship with him.

 Not at all.

In fact our relationship is so strong and good that we can handle these fights.

(and by the way i do yell a lot less coming from the belief our relationship is solid.)

No problem .

Because you see what I realized is that when I have a good relationship with my son it doesn’t mean that I never yell at him, it means that I am not focusing on it solely.

My focus is on the rest of the 98% of my time with him that is all good and filled with good stuff. I am still a good mom.

I am still 100 % worthy.

I don’t need to beat myself up.

I can still enjoy my connection with him.

I have transformed my relationship with my son and my son did not have to change at all.

All I had to do is work on my mind.  

If you are struggling with your relationship with your child and are worried about how yelling is effecting them you can reach out to me and sign up for a free mini session where I can explain exactly how I can help. 

Natalia

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