Archive May 2019

Perfectionists are scared people

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Good morning beautiful ladies!!!

Today I am writing about perfectionism as per request of one of my friends, good morning Stepanka!!!

There a few things we need to know about people who want some things to be perfect.

First we have to remember that their intentions are good.

They think by wanting to make it perfect they are doing their best.

The other thing to know about people like us is that we are scared people when we want something perfect.

We are scared it won’t turn out exactly the way it needs to, afraid we’ll be late, afraid someone will see the one flaw in our work so we spend hours perfecting it (not me btw, wink).

Yes, that’s right – perfectionists are scared people.

People who don’t consider themselves perfectionists are doers, people who make many mistakes, people who are not afraid if something will go wrong.

They know the point of doing something lies not in how complete and flawless it is.

Let me give you an example.

Let’s say you want to bake some muffins and some soup for someone you know who’s going through a child being diagnosed with cancer.

Your intentions here are probably to show them you are thinking about them, you want to help, you want to show them you are here for them if they need anything.

Your intentions probably don’t include: “well i hope they think these muffins are the best muffins they ever had.”

No, making a perfectly balanced soup is not the point here and so you just get the job done and you drop it off, the whole time thinking about those people.

You are not worried about messing up the recipe or over salting the soup (although that would be bad and you’ll probably just keep the soup at home, and i still say it’s ok, because the point is to let them know you are here for them.)

What i want to show you here is that even people who call themselves perfectionists would do the above.

We are all perfectionists some of the time and we are also the same people who let go of that and  DO our jobs without being afraid to mess up some of the time.

What is the difference between those two times?

Fear.

Either you allow fear to dictate your work or you focus on what matters the most.

That’s it.

Next time you find yourself wanting something perfect, ask yourself WHY.

Why do you really want to do such a good ?

SO that they think ‘wow, shes’s really good.’

Then ask yourself why do you want them to think that?

Because the alternative is unbearable to you.

You are afraid of someone ever thinking you did a bad job.

How differently would you work if you weren’t afraid of that? (after all when others mess up, we remind them they are human and it happens, why not do the same with ourselves?)

What if you wanted to do a good job from a place of love for yourself?

It’s ok if i made a mistake.

I showed up.

I’m human.

I did a good job, may be not perfect but good.

And that’s good enough.

Have a not so perfect Sunday, but i hope it has a good cup of coffee in it 🙂

Natalia

( so funny to be writing about perfectionism and catching myself trying to make it perfect:)))

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Lessons learned from my mom.

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Hello friends!
As you may already know every 10th post I write about lessons learned from one of my teachers.
This is my 40th post and I want to share with you the lessons learned from my mom!

Before I ever found a life coach and learned all the things she teaches, and read all the books on self help I had the best teacher I could ever have.  She laid the foundation for me to be able to absorb all of the teachings that I know now.

Here are a few ‘big’ beliefs she taught me:

1.  You will always find the good in the people if you look.  She taught me to use this approach when I’m going into a new situation when I don’t know people well and I’m nervous.  This has served me SO well in all of my life.  It allows me to focus on the people I meet instead of myself.

2. Never stop looking for the answers.  You will figure it out, just ask the universe for what you really want and imagine it as if it was already true.

3.  “Don’t beat yourself up.” – she would say that to me so many time when I would call to complain or vent.  This one is so good because so many times I would beat myself up for something and wouldn’t be able to move on and grow.  It is drilled into my head now after hearing it from her a million times.

4.  Happy marriage doesn’t have to take longer than 20 mins a day.  LOVE, love, love this one.  It sets me so free knowing that i don’t have to strive for the most time spent, or the best time spent together, or any ‘romantic’ time spent together.  Exploring ways how this can be true allows me to really let my marriage be what it is without wishing it was different.  Some days we spend the whole day together and some days we are like ships crossing in the night and I love how i don’t have to make it mean that we are not ‘doing’ it right.  So much freedom!

5.  Lying down with your kids for a chat before bed can mean the world to them.  My mom did that for my brother and I growing up and I still strongly remember how much we loved every minute of it. Even in our teens!!!!! Which is so important, i believe.  Now I am able to do that for my kids.  Having 4 of them means that they need that one on one time that much more! Thanks to my mom I can be there for them if they need to get something off their chest.

6. When stuck, look within yourself to see what You have done to contribute to the situation, not the other person. Own your stuff.  Apologize. When i was a teenager my mom and I fought a lot.  It was all thanks to my moms work on herself that we were able to get through that time.  It wasn’t smooth at all but she took responsibility for her part of the deal and was an example for me of how to work on yourself and how to say sorry if needed.

7. The more you do – the more you have to time to do it.
She planted that seed for me early on and now I am able to create my own approach to time and make it exactly what I want.  She taught me how to not be the victim of your time and obligations.

8.  Be flexible like water, she would tell me.  Water takes whatever shape it needs to when it flows, “so do that”, she would say.  This also set me up for an open mindset of approaching life with the ‘I can handle and adjust to anything’.

I bet my mom would read this and have no idea she did all that for me, but i am so grateful to her for teaching me what she knows. There is so much more of course and there are beliefs that I learned that probably don’t serve me as well, but that’s not what matters now.

My mom doing HER work, showing up for herself, searching for her own answers, trickled down to planting so many good seeds in my head.

So do your work ladies!( and gents).

You never know what beautiful ripple effect it will have on the people in your life.

Natalia

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Feeling Appreciated

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(the picture here is from a few years back when I had 2 kids and haven’t yet learned to appreciate myself and all I do.  I am so grateful to myself for figuring out how to appreciate myself. You can too! Can you see the look in my eye, happiness and victimhood all in one?)

Happy Mothers Day to you all!

My message to you today is simple.

Most of us want to feel APPRECIATED by our family on Mothers Day and every day.

What creates that for us?

What makes us feel appreciated?

Is it what our kids say to us?

Is it what kids do for us?

Is it the breakfast that they maker us ?

Is it the flowers they give us?

Is it the thank you’s you get ?

Is it a craft they made for you at school?

Is it your husbands kind words?

You might say yes, all of those.

 

I want to give you a difference perspective.

None of those things make you feel appreciated.  WHAT YOU THINK about those things creates a feeling of appreciation for you. 

What you think creates a feeling for you.

A thought “THEY APPRECIATE ME AND ALL I DO FOR THEM” – that creates appreciation for you. NOT what they do or say.

So that means you can give YOURSELF a gift of feeling appreciated EVERY day of the year, no matter what they do or don’t do, and not just on Mothers day when they show their appreciation.

This is my gift to YOU ALL wonderful women, (mothers or not), – give yourself a feeling of appreciation by choosing to think “they appreciate me” or even better “I appreciate ME”.

Have a weekend full of feeling appreciated!! (Created by YOU)

Natalia

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The Yelling Jar!

Check out this experiment i am doing with retraining my brain.  I use a simple reward system that engages my primitive brain and creates a new connection in my brain every time i want to snap at my kids.  Simply said: I am rewiring myself to not yell at the kids with this amazing system!

The way it works is by collecting as many unanswered urges to yell as i can i am retraining my brain to react differently to my urges.  Every time i allow an urge and don’t snap at the kids – I get to add a glass bead to the jar! Simple and it works! Try it!

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