Archive January 2019


pablo (15)

The other day I was driving the car with my 2 toddlers in the back and one of them needed help wiping his finger.

He kept asking me ‘mama wipe my finger, wipe my finger’. I explained that I’m driving and I can’t help him right now but when we stop I can help him.  He didn’t love my answer and kept asking in hopes of a different answer.

Finally something clicked in my head and I said “ Cade, can you help Cade wipe your finger?”

This brought on a big smile to his face and I really wonder what he was thinking. May be he never thought of it that way, and I don’t think I have either.

When you think of asking for help, it usually implies you will be asking somebody or something outside of you.

You never think ‘ hm, let me ask MYSELF for help’ .

But who is the one person who’s always with us all our life and knows what we need better than anyone?

US, of course.

WE can be the ones who are there to help us when we need help, when we need anything.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to feel so safe no matter where you go and what you do knowing that YOU are there for yourself.

You will make sure your needs are met.

As grown ups we already do a lot of our own care.

But I want to take this past the feeding and the sleeping!

What if you were the person to take care of your own approval, your own excitement, tantrums, your own mental and emotional needs.

You will make sure your schedule isn’t overloaded or if it is then you will find time to rest.

You messed up, no problem: you got your back, no beating yourself up.

You freaked out, so you take yourself aside and listen to everything you have to say, no exceptions.

Wouldn’t it be so fun to go through life knowing that you always, always have YOURSELF there for you?

I can already hear the arguments that it’s not healthy to not need anyone, you will become a recluse and live alone, you need to have a support network, etc. etc.

But I want to suggest that it is healthy to meet your own needs.

Imagine that when you are with your friends and family and you don’t need anything from them, you can enjoy their company so much more and also are a lot more able to meet their needs when they come up.

Lets be honest – others suck at meeting our needs! No matter how many times we tell them they still get it wrong or say the wrong thing or do it at the wrong time.

And what if they are not there?

Then what?

You got YOU.

That’s what.

Of course there’ll be times when we rely on others and that is a beautiful thing.

I am only suggesting that you make yourself your first go to person for emotional comfort.

You can do it so much better than others if you practice.

Then all that’s left to do with other people in your life is love them, and enjoy their company.

What could you take over doing for yourself that you usually get others to do for you?

And how can that feel amazing?

How would that change your relationship with that person and yourself?

Would love to read your thoughts in the comments below.


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What if you don’t like your job?

pablo (12)

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pablo (11).png
I had a chat with a friend the other day, whom I haven’t seen for a few weeks and she commented that I changed in a good way: a bit calmer, happier, lighter.
It was clear to me that what she noticed was in big part due to me cleaning up my head every single day.
Same way we tidy up the room every day: the counters get cleared, the floors are swept, the dishes are cleaned and put away, garbage is taken out.
Everything feels and looks clean, tidy and light.
That is the exact way I feel when I do a daily ‘clean up’ in my brain.
I do a thought download, a brain dump on paper, or my phone and get it OUT of my head to look at.
Once I got it all out I already feel relieved and lighter.
Then I take a look.
What do I want to keep and what is poisoning my day?
This daily process gives me perspective and a feeling of control.
 I get to decide what I want my day to contain.
Next time you make your bed in the morning or clean up the kitchen, consider what you would clean up in your head if you could walk in it as a room.
Would you keep all the thoughts in that room or would you purge and start fresh?
A few minutes writing it down can help you create enough distance between you and your thoughts to help you decide which ones you want to keep and which you don’t.
This wonderful exercise is my number one tool and I use it as needed, some days I feel so good that I don’t even think about doing it and others I definitely feel that the room got ‘messy’ and I need to tend to it.
Happy cleaning everybody!

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pablo (9).

“I hate planning!” – i hear that a lot lately!

But I Love plans!!!
I love planning.
I love having a plan.
I love thinking about my plan.
I love talking about my plan!
What could be better!?

Knowing that you have a great plan and you are well taken care of in my books is up there with all the good self care activities.
Just like you would prep a lunch for yourself the night before work or make snacks and lunches for the kids the night before – you are doing that for your ‘morning’ self, when you wake up, make yourself some coffee and enjoy the relaxed pace of the morning.

The same goes with a plan. You plan ahead and when the time comes to execute you have your well thought out plan which was planned with you in mind.  Who else better do that for you than YOU!

I came up with this post right after planning all our Christmas meals and now that we are in our first week of January we are enjoying all the leftovers from the holidays, which are bountiful in our freezer, thanks to our planning!

What else can you plan?

I regularly plan on experiencing anxiety, exhaustion and judgment.
I mean that i anticipate me feeling those things despite my best efforts not to.
If i know i tend to experience these negative emotions i am not surprised and caught off guard when they happen, so i plan for how i will react to them when they happen.

Planning helps a lot with allowing them (not resisting them) and ultimately moving to a more positive experience.

For example, if you have a family member visiting and you know that some of their traits bug you then you can plan on that visitor doing exactly what they do and your reaction being annoyed.
This prepares you in a way that when does actually happen you will chuckle to yourself and say “Oh, right, i knew that would happen, here it is!”. You are at ease with them and yourself and are able to enjoy their company a lot more.
That sounds a lot better to me than being frustrated with something your guest is doing and then feeling like a bad host for feeling that way.
Try it out next time and enjoy a much more fun visit!

Would love to hear all your thoughts on plans and specifically plans on feeling certain emotions and preparing yourself in advance for them.

Does it help you ?

How does it help you?

Thanks for sharing friends!

Talk to you next week!


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