Archive December 2018

How do I make the right decision???

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Our large family of 6 recently attended a Christmas party at a friends house.  
It was everything a party should be: food, music, kids running around and grown ups chatting away.  
We really enjoyed it. So much so that I came home wondering why I don’t host as much these days.  
The wondering turned into feeling like something is wrong with me for not hosting parties and also not WANTING to host them. 
What is wrong with me? 
This was so fun, why wouldn’t I want to create that same experience? 
After a bit of self loathing i turned to my husband and asked him what he thought on the subject.
He is the best and reminded me that we have 4 little kids and hosting is a lot of work so it makes sense that we are not jumping at the first chance to host any gathering.
And of course he was right, i just forgot that in the middle of comparing myself with this other awesome family who is able to do that and enjoy the hosting.  
So, what does hosting a party have to do with making the right decision? 
Well, I could decide to host a party because I feel like something is wrong with me for not wanting to host a party, so I should host one and finally be normal.
I could host a party because I want to be just as awesome as this other family who invited us over.
I could host a party because I think some social time would do us good.
OR I could simply host a party because I really want to.
After being honest with myself about whether I want to entertain or not I realized that right now, in the season of life I am in right now I have no dying desire to do so (and that explains why I haven’t hosted one in a while).  
It then became clear to me that I was considering throwing a party for reasons that weren’t serving me.  
Trying to be as good as others, trying not to miss out on something, trying to be someone who I am not.  
Those are all the reason that would cause me to have a tough time enjoying the party if I decided to have one. (And wouldn’t solve the issue of feeling inadequate) 
And so when I make a decision I always ask ‘What is my reason for making this particular choice?’
Is it coming from a place of being happy with myself or is it coming out of fear or avoidance.
If I am coming from a place of being at peace with myself, without trying to avoid anything then I know that decision will serve me.  
When the reason is coming out of fear – I question making that choice explore other options.
Exploring the reasons always help me make the perfect decision! And even if I miss and make the wrong one, my reason behind it always helps me understand why I did what I did. 
So whether you are deciding something small like whether to host a party or to change career paths, I recommend asking yourself to be honest about the reasons for wanting that change. 
If you don’t like your reason it can be a great opportunity to align yourself with the reason that will bring you the results you want.  
Happy New Years Everyone! 

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The other day my oldest son and I were discussing his day, and he said he was cold during recess at school.
I asked him why, and he said it was because he only put on his sweater and not his winter jacket.

Instantly, I recalled myself freezing for many, many years as a child; and for no reason other than being lazy or rebelling against my parents.
I just didn’t want to bother putting on that extra layer despite knowing it would make a difference….despite my parents constantly reminding me to do so.

Now, as an adult and a parent, I’ve finally discovered the amazing feeling of being warm outside, IN THE WINTER.  It’s the best!

Of course I want to save my son from freezing, so I told him ‘save yourself from years of being cold by just listening to me, and put on all your winter clothes!”
“HUH?” Was his response.
He didn’t get it at all.
But I did.

I didn’t listen to my parents, so why should I expect him to always listen to me?
Perhaps, I should expect him NOT to listen to me.

All of a sudden I felt relieved.
The pressure was off.
He won’t listen anyway.

So the next time you find yourself frustrated, wondering why your child won’t do or not do something that is in his best interest, something that you specifically asked him to do or not do, hear my voice in your head:

“This is supposed to be happening! He should be doing exactly that! Yep. You heard me. He was never meant to do as he was told.  Everything is going exactly right!”

I do expect us all to forget this simple truth.

We WILL forget, and will get frustrated by the fact that our kids won’t listen to us.

But then we can go right ahead and remind ourselves – RIGHT!

This WAS MEANT to happen this way.

THEY were not supposed to listen, and it’s okay if they do the opposite.

SO that’s quite alright with me.
I should send this as a reminder to myself in a few years when they are getting into their teens and I REALLY need my own advice.

Until then I’m happy to be dealing with JUST a winter jacket problem! Hoping the same for you!

I would love to hear from you in the comments below!



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