Archive November 2018

WHY AREN’T I THERE YET?

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So often I see people (and myself!) getting really frustrated because they are not seeing the results they want, in either themselves or in their businesses.

What a frustrating time!

During my tennis lesson yesterday I was practicing serving.

You may already know this, but in tennis you need to get the ball in the service box in order to play the point.

Of course, I was celebrating every time I got it in the box… which was not that often.

So I asked my coach whether I should be focusing on that yet.

He explained that I shouldn’t at this point.

So what should I be looking for as a of sign of a successful serve if not the end result???

He said I needed to focus on my ability to EXECUTE the new skill.

This means focus on how you line up your feet, toss the ball, and swing the way my coach showed I’m supposed to.

Execute EACH STEP to learn the new skill of serving. THIS should be my only focus now, not the end result.

When we first start a big venture, we know it will take a lot of work before we see the results.

A few months pass, and although we have put in all that hard work, will power, and stubbornness we are not as far along as we expected to be.  We start feeling frustrated.  “It’s been long enough, why don’t I see any results yet?”

The answer is, it’s just too early!  You need to keep going, no matter what.  Focus on your execution, and the results will come.

We often want to see the results way before we are producing them and that can cause a lot of pain!

I find it helpful to work on loving the process.  The process of executing the new skill I am learning (writing, public speaking, marketing, cooking…)

Even when I’m not loving it.

This is it.  It won’t get better than this.

Even when you do start to see the results, you will still have to keep working on it.

SO…. the best way to ensure you achieve your desired result, is to work on loving the process.

The more you love the process, the easier it is to love the process.

I work on loving losing to my husband when we play a game of tennis.

I love seeing my little wins, while still losing the match.
I know I’m getting better each day.
The results will come, and I’m already having fun learning.

Don’t focus on the results.
Whether it’s in business or working to improve yourself, focus on executing each step of your plan and the results will come!!!

I promise!

Natalia

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Use Your Fear

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THE POWER OF ONCE A WEEK

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How do I start working out 3 times a week?

How do I learn to play tennis, squash, skating or any other sport you want to pick up?

How do I build a closer connection with my spouse or kids?

How do I take better care of myself?

I believe it all starts with a teeny, tiny plan to do it ONCE a week!

Once a week for 52 weeks is 52 times more than intending to do it 3 times a week and never getting to it AT ALL!!

But you knew that already.

So why can’t you commit to that short 10 min workout every week?

First, you might think “What’s the point in doing it for 10 min?  That won’t make a difference!”.

OH, but it will!..

Granted, the benefit of working out for 10 min may not train your body to accomplish all your fitness goals.  But, it is training your brain to follow through on the plan you put in place.
THAT is everything!

Once your brain knows there is no escape when there’s a plan, then you can increase your workout time, and increase the number of times you do it in a week when and if you choose.

The way I discovered once a week is by sitting down with my good friend for a coffee and saying how overwhelmed I was with my schedule, week, to do list, self care or lack of, kids activities, you name it.

She said, “It’s simple, you sit down and plan your week. One day – one activity.”

Work out once a week – check, Mondays.

Writing a blog – once a week, check.

Errands – once a week – check.

Twins activity – 2 mornings a week – check.

Etc, you get the point.

I know what some of you are thinking, “that’s not possible when you work all day!”
But it is very possible! Everyone can fit in a 10 min errand stop, a 30 min haircut or a 20 min walk on the way home from work or during lunch hour.
That’s all it takes!!!

Of course that’s not all that’s planned for the day.
You still have your daily activities that need no planning for the majority of the day.
But the hour or two you have unspoken for are now already pre-planned, so you never have to think about it again!  Goodbye overwhelm!

Every weekday can be pretty much the same every week, because you planned to do your workouts on Monday, errands on Tuesday, appointments on Wednesday, etc.
You don’t have to guess what to do when, it’s already all decided.
Of course, if something comes up you change your plans accordingly. For example you can move your errands if you have a work dinner, but definitely not skip gym if you don’t feel like it.

Let me tell you how much more freedom that gives you!
I bet some of you are thinking what a nightmare it would be to have every day, every week pre-planned to be the same – what a crazy idea! But the opposite is true –  thinking ahead takes care of things and you end up with way more time on your hands to do stuff that’s actually yours.

If you can imagine – all your jobs are done, even the self care items like workouts and massages, hair cuts and small errands – ALL of it gets the time it’s OWED and nothing is lagging.
You don’t feel overwhelmed, you feel ahead because YOU made the effort to give each item the time of day.
You have the freedom of time and mind to then do what you please with the leftover time.
And you WILL have time left over when you see how efficient you get!

Not only do you have zero stress about your schedule, or when the “to do” list will get done, but you also ensure you take care of all your priorities when you do your initial planning.
By that I mean, if it’s important to you to work out at least once a week, then you pre plan that time.
If it’s important to you that you and your spouse have a date night once a week, you also pre plan that.
Activities that usually get missed, or de prioritized, will be the ones you consciously schedule into your week, and every other week after that.
Works like a dream!
Try it!

You’ll discover a more relaxed, excited, laid back and in control version of yourself.
You’ll be able to give a better version of yourself to your family because you’ve planned ahead and gave yourself the rest and care you need.

If you have an impossible goal, a dream, a wish list, ask yourself this:
“What can I do once a week towards that goal? In a 10-60 min block each week?”
You will get excited when you imagine how much closer you’ll be towards your goal at the end of that year!!!
Not to mention how amazing you’ll be at keeping your commitments to YOURSELF.

I’m so excited for you!!!

Natalia

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What do you say to your son when he’s scared?

pablo (5)Mama, I’m scared”  – said my 5 year old during bedtime last night.

The lights were off, it was dark and he says he always feels scared when it’s dark.
This is a new development for him.
My first reaction was to fix it right away, make him feel better, convince him there’s nothing to be scared of.
My child feels scared ! Oh no!  Something is wrong and I want to fix it!

But, wait a minute.  Nothing is in fact wrong here.

What’s wrong with feeling scared?

Instead of doing any of the above I simply said, you are scared and it’s okay.   If after I leave you feel scared, you can repeat this to yourself ‘ I am scared and that’s okay.

After all I want to teach my son that FEELINGS are for FEELING and not for FIXING.

What a relief for me as a parent.  Nothing has gone wrong here.
I don’t to have to change how he’s feeling.
In fact, I can use this as a chance to teach him and remind myself that we don’t need to be fixing our feelings all the time.
We should not be afraid to just feel them.
This especially applies to negative feelings.

We somehow got this incorrect idea that we should be happy all of the time.
If we are upset, angry, disappointed, outraged, we must be doing something wrong.
But what I want to suggest is that we allow for that contrast in our life in order to feel the good/happy moments AS the happy moments.
Without the contrast we wouldn’t feel the happiness.
I know this is obvious but we often forget that when we argue with our negative emotions.

When tragedy strikes, someone dies or is harmed – how do we want to feel about that? We don’t want to feel happy about that.
In fact, we DO want to feel sad or upset about that.
That is the contrasting, negative emotion of our life.
We need to allow it to be there without trying to change it.

When we resist our negative emotions we feel even worse.

I’ve recently started practicing this trick which helps a lot.
Whenever I feel anything negative I name that feeling to myself.

If I feel irritable, I say to myself: “I am irritable”.

This forces me to first become aware of what I’m feeling. Second, by naming the feeling I stop RESISTING it which feels so much better than resisting being irritable.
Talk about making it worse!
Try being not irritable when you are irritable!
Boom, Mama looses her sh*t!

So, you can do the same with any emotion: pain, disappointment, shame, discouragement, etc.
You name it, and repeat it to yourself without any judgement.
It relieves any resistance towards it and helps you to process it, which ultimately makes that negative feeling leave much sooner than if you  resist it.
If you are having trouble naming your emotion, another way of handling it is by trying to locate it in your body and describing how it feels – chest tight, stomach, hot…

Bringing your attention to it lessens it’s effect.
It’s like a crying child asking for your attention .
As soon as you acknowledge him/her, the child is less upset.
They know they’ve been heard. Same with your emotions!

Take care of yourselves my friends!

Natalia